The Papeterie
by find-nowhere
Summary: Ren's 16th birthday party...no one thought that so many things could happen as a result...f/f and lots of feelings.
1. Chapter 1

_**Michelle-Note:** This isn't one of my favorite fics, but a lot of people liked it back in the day before I took all of my stuff off of here for no reason, so I'm resubmitting it. It takes place in the future (obviously) and is from Ren's POV. I also attempted present tense again, which I should really stop trying to do, so there are tense shifts, but I don't think it makes the reading confusing or anything of the sort, and it probably isn't even that noticeable, but you'll notice because I pointed it out. I apologize for my lack of other words for marijuana, since that was brought up when this was last here, and I know not much about alcoholic beverages. I'm a good girl. Really. Don't let that good girl-ness take away from the actual plot...or something.  
  
**Warning:** This abounds with homosexuality...mainly of the female kind. There is also heterosexuality, and drugs use. Don't read it if it shall bother you. Tis rated R for reasons, peoples.  
  
**Disclaimer:** I own not, Even Stevens._  
  
The Papeterie  
  
The bell rang to release me from school, finally, after I had spent six hours being bored out of my mind, and ready to go home before I even left my house this morning.  
Yesterday was my birthday, today was Friday, and my party was tonight. A party where I can have boys, and the parental units have promised to leave me alone for the entire night. They're going out. I'm gonna be there with my friends, and boys, and I'm finally sixteen, and old enough to drive. The boys have to go home by midnight though, that sucks. At least I can have them over for a long time though. I kept telling myself that in my head as I walked down the hall toward my locker. Ooh, not much homework this weekend either. I snickered, but something was a bit off. I didn't feel right, my thoughts drifted from the those of boys being allowed over to something that seemed more than a bit off to me, Tawny. It was like I was just trying to convince myself that having a bunch of guys over for my party was going to be great. I really didn't care whether they were there or not, but people were expecting me to, so I acted like it was the most awesome thing ever. In truth, I didn't really pay much attention to them anymore. It's like they were just there, but they didn't really pertain to me. I didn't dare tell anyone though. I just pretended that I was more focused on my school work. I am though.  
I opened my locker, and put my Chemistry notebook, and book inside, then pulled out my book bag, causing some random notes from earlier in the year to fall out and land at my feet. Ha. Me and my friends still passed notes around like we were in middle school. I have to admit that it was a convenient and simple form of communication, especially when I only saw certain friends in the hall between classes and didn't have time to gossip for hours and hours. I didn't think much of them, knowing they were all random gossip and such, until I bent down to pick them up, and I saw one from Tawny. I don't remember her ever writing me. How old is this? I wondered, and began to unfold it.  
"Hey Ren!" Ruby came running up behind me and grabbed onto my shoulders.  
"Hey Ruby!" I said not so enthusiastically, she was a little too hyper today for my liking. She was more excited about my party than I was. I quickly stuffed the note into my bag like it was something to hide. I really don't remember reading a note from Tawny, ever, and I don't forget things that people write to me. I wouldn't forget Tawny writing to me, particularly.  
"What was that Ren?"  
"Huh? What?" I held my book bag to my chest, and tried to conceive the supposed great fun my party was going to be, while trying to figure out what I needed to take home.  
"That note. Was it a love note? Who's it from, Ren? I have to know!" Ruby, jumped up and down, squealing. "Tell me please! You haven't had a boyfriend in months! Who's your latest crush?!"  
How am I still friends with this girl? Jease. I winced. "Oh. It was from Tawny." I told her, calmly, and zipped my book bag. "C'mon and let's go before Larry decides to leave us."  
"Is he still coming tonight?" She asked me, as we began to walk back down the hall.  
"Yep." I said upon exiting the doors that lead out to the parking lot.  
She grinned, "I'm so glad that you guys are getting along now, he's such fun."  
She has a crush on Larry. I know it. It's so obvious. We'll probably play Truth or Dare tonight and I'm so going to ask her in front of him. I wanted to do something rather evil to her because she was so annoying and encouraged me to get a new crush each week, which I viewed as rather stupid because my love life was rather sucky. I had more important things to think about than boys, especially when nothing ended well. "Yeah. I'm glad that we get along now. It's so much less stressful to concentrate on just myself instead of on beating him at everything." I said matter-of-factly, but she had scampered off toward Larry's car while I was talking. I began to jog after her. "Ruby! Wait for me!"  
"Happy birthday again, Ren." My old archenemy said to me when I arrived at his car. He was sitting on the hood of the green Porsche, waiting for us, acting cool. He had let his hair grow out and had dreads now. I can't say that he wasn't attractive, and I can't blame Ruby for crushing on him, but there was just nothing there as more than friends between us. I could see someone and think they were hot without wanted to have wild, monkey sex with them. It seemed like everyone was like that except me, and it was unnerving, like I had no hormones and I was a freak, or something. I'd just rather concentrate on school, and high school isn't the place to find true love anyway, so I was gonna wait until college to find someone, which made perfect sense to me, but to no one else, except Tawny, even though she was still going out with my brother.  
Ruby went and put her book bag in the back and then stood quietly, and fawned over him. The only time she ever got quiet was when she was fawning. I was glad he was there. Another thing I liked about notes, especially those from Ruby, was that I couldn't hear her voice.  
"Aww...thanks Larry. C'mon I gotta get home so I can get everything ready for tonight." I made my way to the passenger's side, moved the seat up and got in the back. I didn't really have anything to do, it wasn't like we were playing any games that I had to get ready, but I wanted to go home and see if I got any presents yet.  
"Is Lou getting a ride today?" He asked, getting in.  
"Nope. He's walking with Twitty, and Tawny." I told him, and then turned and shouted at Ruby. "Get in the car!"  
"Yes ma'am!" She ran around and got in.  
Larry laughed.  
He knows that she likes him, I could tell. I think everyone knew that he knew, except Ruby.  
As we pulled out of school, we passed my brother, and his two friends. I couldn't help but notice that Tawny was lingering behind the males, who were quite a ways in front of her.  
"So who all's coming to your party?" Asked Larry.  
I wonder what's the matter with Tawny. I hope she didn't get into another fight with Louis. They seemed to have a lot of differences these days. "Oh...um..." I realized Larry was talking to me, "Me, Ruby, Louis'll probably be involved for a little while, Twitty, Tawny, Bobby, Monique, Nelson, Mona, you, and Donnie came down from college too, so he's gonna be there."  
"Oh cool. I'll be there around 6. When're your parents leaving?"  
"Around 5:30, I hope."  
"Yeah. I'll be there around 6."  
He pulled his car into my driveway, and I noticed that Ruby had been silent the whole time. Fawning, for sure. "Thanks for the ride, Larry. Ruby, get out and move your seat so I can get out."  
"No problem at all." He said, smiling.  
"Ruby!" I reached over the seat and jerked on her hair lightly, "Ren to Ruby!"  
"Oh! I...uh...yeah..." She got out and moved the seat up. "I'm going to go to my house and get my stuff then I'll be back over here in a few."  
"Alright. Bye guys." I turned and scurried into the house. Donnie was sitting in the kitchen. "Donnie! My favorite older brother!" I ran and gave him a hug.  
"Ah!" He laughed, "Happy birthday!"  
"What'd you get me?" I asked curiously.  
"You can't have it until your party." He stuck out his tongue. "What'd mom and dad get you?"  
"I dunno...They said I can't have it until after my party's over, and the party's part of it and all. I didn't actually get any presents on my birthday, I get them all tonight or tomorrow." I scanned the parameter for anything that looked like it could be mine. Nothing. "Where exactly are mom and dad anyway?"  
Donnie looked around to see what I was looking at, "They went to get cake and pizza and stuff that we're going to eat and stuff." He fumbled with his words like he was trying to cover something up.  
"Oh...I see..." I played along. "Well...I'll be back in a minute." I ran up the stairs to my room, and threw my book bag down in a corner. I then scanned my surroundings, looking for anything new, but to no avail. I went back downstairs and talked to Donnie about college life in the living room, and within twenty minutes Ruby walked in carrying her book bag, and a massive duffle bag, stuffed full of God knows what.  
She threw it all down by the couch, out of breath, and sat down without saying anything.  
Donnie got up, saying, "Bag check. Parents orders. I'm in charge here. Obey my authority."  
"Go ahead...I carried both of those things from...four blocks away...I don't care anymore..."  
He smiled, mischievously. "How about if I don't check it, and you guys just convince yourselves that I did or something like that?"  
"Awesome!" Ruby yelled, full of energy again.  
Oh crap, she regained her strength. What a shame. I wondered what she had in her bags. I knew it wasn't all clothes or games, probably a whole bunch of weed, and her bong collection. Peachy. Everyone was going to be stoned at my party, but me because I was the forever reigning queen of goody-goodness. I sat quietly, contemplating how my sixteenth birthday party was going to suck balls, and how balls were probably going to get sucked at my party by everyone but me because I lacked hormones.  
Donnie and my annoying friend engaged in conversation about something, and I blocked it out, now wondering what my parents were going to do if they came home tomorrow morning to find their house smelling like pot. Great. "Hey Ruby, go put your stuff in my room by the wall or something, we're sleeping in there tonight. Only you, Tawny, Monique, and Twitty are staying, but Twitty's staying with Louis really, and Tawny's probably going to end up in there with him too..." My voice trailed off. Why was I revolted by the fact of Tawny having sex with my brother, and even the thought of her sleeping in the same bed with him? Maybe it was because he was my brother, and I can't imagine anyone sleeping with either of my brothers. "So I figured that we'd just crash in my room, and all, so we don't make a mess in here."  
"Sure Ren. I'll be back in a second Donnie." She got up and threw the strap of her duffle bag over her shoulder.  
"Oh wait." Said Donnie, "I'll help you." And then he took the giant bag and threw it over his shoulder, and carried it up the stairs for her.  
I sighed. I just wasn't cool, and my house was being used for my brother and friend's drug usage, she hadn't even come over to see me. She'd come over because she knew Donnie wouldn't mind her bringing her "belongings", in fact, he would enjoy her bringing them, and Larry was coming, so of course she would come.  
"Ren, come up here!"  
I heard her scream from somewhere above me, rolled my eyes, and walked upstairs. They were in Donnie's old room, and they each a had a bong and a Ziploc bag of weed sitting between them. "Yes, Ruby?"  
"I brought condoms!"  
I blinked a few times, "For?"  
She winked, "Just in case, ya know...anything happens. I have plenty for all!"  
I tried to act amused best I could, but it just wasn't working, so I turned and walked out. When out of the door, I smacked myself in the forehead with my palm to knock out all the mental pictures that had appeared in my poor brain. As I was coming down the stairs, Louis, Twitty, and Tawny were walking in.  
"Did you guys bring your stuff, or do you have to go home and get it?" I asked not very enthusiastically. My enthusiasm was dead, but Ruby was enthusiastic enough for both of us, and horny enough for both of us.  
"I brought mine." Twitty mumbled, "Got any food. I'm hungry..." He then wandered off into the kitchen.  
Tawny took her book bag off and sat it down on the couch, then sat down next to it, facing away from me.  
"Is Ruby here?" Louis asked, passing me, since I was standing at the base of the stairs.  
I nodded, then turned my attention to his supposed girlfriend, knowing what he was going upstairs to do. "Tawny? Hello?" I said after he was gone.  
"Huh? Oh. Happy birthday again..."  
"Is something wro-"  
"Where are the parents Ren?!" Twitty asked loudly from the kitchen, interrupting me.  
"They went to get us food. They're gonna bring it here and then leave again."  
"Oh cool." He walked out with a loaf of bread under his arm, "Is Ruby here?"  
"In Donnie's room." I leaned over the back of the couch over Tawny's book bag, and soon Twitty disappeared up the stairs too. "Are you ok?"  
"Yeah. I'm just kinda pissed off at everyone right now..."  
"Why?"  
"Because they're all being really stupid. Louis only wants to smoke his pot, and he pays no attention to me, except when he's begging me to have sex with him, which is really bothering me. I dunno what happened to him."  
I sighed, I knew what she meant. It seemed like everyone just wanted to sit around in a circle in Donnie's room and smoke weed or have sex with someone. It was my party, and no one had even given me a present yet. I was feeling unloved. "Are you guys still together?"  
"I dunno. I kinda broke up with him a week ago, but we've still been hanging out and stuff. He doesn't even seem affected by it like he thinks we're going to get back together again like we always do."  
"Oh. Are you not going to get back with him after everything blows over? Hey. Why didn't anyone tell me?" That wasn't fair. Usually Louis gets all upset when him and Tawny even got into a little fight, and he would consult me. Could he possibly not care anymore? Gah. I dunno. Maybe he had just accepted that they always seemed to get back together. Why do I care? It's his life, and not my business. They always got back together in a week or two after breaking up and they probably would this time.  
"I don't know...to both of your questions."  
"Well...since everyone's upstairs in Donnie's room at the moment, and probably won't come back down until my parents have come and gone, I'm stuck with you until other sane people get here, if for some reason some more show up, because I'm a drug-free loser."  
She smiled a little, "I'm a drug-free loser too. Where do you want me to put my stuff?"  
"Up in my room is fine. Are you gonna sleep in there with us?"  
She got up, "Yeah, I suppose. Did you think I was gonna sleep with Louis?"  
I laughed, "Yep, I actually did. This would be you guys' chance to have sex. Ruby even brought condoms, for God's sake."  
"Ha! Right!" She grabbed her book bag, and we progressed up to my room.  
"Why so sure that you'll not sleep with him, as in sleep with him?" I asked, curiously. I thought they were in love once, but hey, I thought I was in love with guys repeatedly.  
"I just am..." Her voice trailed off, and she sat her stuff on the floor by my bed and then shoved it under. "I don't like people touching my mess, and I always like to know where it is, if you're wondering why I did that." She told me.  
"Alright." I shrugged. She was an odd one. I looked over at Ruby's stuff, and it had been rummaged through. Twitty probably needed to borrow a bong, the stoner that he was. He even looked like one, more so than the rest of them. Tawny and I just stood there for a few more minutes, looking at each other, trying to think of something to say, considering we didn't talk much, and didn't know what to say to one another when it was just us. I heard the door open, and it broke the silence. "Oop. Parents're here. We gotta go cover for everyone, and get them to leave, quick."  
As we were going back down the stairs, Tawny mumbled, "Why cover for them? Why not let them get caught, so they'll all go away and then it'll just be us..."  
"What?" I asked.  
"Nothing. Just talking to myself."  
"Oh." What she said was weird. Perhaps I misheard her.  
Mom and dad were coming in with paper bags full of what I presumed to be food of sorts.  
"Ren, honey, go out and grab as many pizza's as you can." My mom told me. "Tawny you too."  
We both hurried out and each of us got half of the pizzas out of the back of the car. Then we brought them in and put as many of them as possible in the oven.  
Dad came in with the cake, which was in a white box from the bakery, and he sat it on the counter saying, "This is your cake. Eat it. We gotta go."  
"Thanks dad." I smiled. I saw Tawny out of the corner of my eye, she was off standing in the corner, watching us. I felt sorry for her. She wasn't very happy. She was a pretty blah person normally, but today she was real blah.  
"Where's everyone at?" Mom asked.  
"Oh. They're all upstairs. They sent me and Tawny down to help you guys with the stuff."  
"Why'd they send the birthday girl down? That's just wrong." My strange father, commented.  
Tawny piped up, "We drew straws."  
"Oh. I guess that that was fairly democratic." He retorted.  
My mom grabbed her purse and said, "I guess we'll be going now. We'll be back in the morning. Have fun, and there better be no boys here other than your brothers and Alan, and Alan had better be in Louis's room when we get back."  
"Yes ma'am. Bye! Have fun with whatever you're doing!" I waved, and hoped they would just leave.  
Tawny walked over to a window and looked out as they drove away, "They're gone."  
I sat back down on the couch. "We'll eat when everyone gets here, I suppose."  
She came and sat down too. "When's everyone else supposed to get here?"  
Glancing down at my watch, "Any time now."  
"Oh...Can I ask you something?"  
"Yeah."  
"Well...I..."  
As she was about to say something, Monique, and Mona walked in the door.  
"Happy birthday, Ren!" Monique squealed. "I brought you your present!"  
"Finally, someone brought me a present!" I stood up and reached out for it as she approached me, and she snatched it away.  
"No, no, no! You can't have it until everyone gets here to watch you open it!"  
I sat back down and sighed, "So Mona, did you bring me anything?"  
Mona was carrying her bag and Monique's, she nodded, "You can't have it 'til later either."  
I had met her at the beginning of this school year. She was in my homeroom, and was a cheerleader along with Monique. She was like Monique's crony or side-kick or clone or something of the sort. I couldn't invite Monique without inviting her too. She wasn't a bad person or anything, she was nice and all, but she was an obvious sycophant, and tried way too hard to fit it. She started acting incredibly like Monique and was like a shorter, white version of her.  
"Go put your stuff in my room guys. Mona you can leave yours down here since you're not staying."  
"Ok!" Monique kept her cheerleader voice, and mannerisms throughout her day, and it got rather annoying. "Come Mona! Go to Ren's bedroom!"  
The short blonde-haired girl threw her book bag down, and followed her commander, carrying still, the other bag, Monique's as I thought.  
"Sorry Tawny, what were you saying?"  
She shook her head, "Nothing. Nevermind."  
The doorbell rang, "Must be Bobby. He's the only person that has ever actually used the doorbell." I looked through the window. Yep. Bobby. Bobby with a big box. I opened the door and let him in. "Leave your mess at the door and give me my present."  
He backed away, jokingly, "Ok...no wait. You can't have your present until everyone's here. It's a rule. Everyone knows that."  
"Oh jease! Fine! Come in." I moved out of his way, and he walked past me.  
"Is Ruby here?" He asked.  
I nearly fell over. I almost thought he was here for me. Monique and Mona hadn't come back, and I didn't wonder where they were, and I didn't wonder why Bobby was asking either. This was just retarded. I had might as well go upstairs too because they wouldn't pay attention to me otherwise. I glared at him, "Upstairs."  
"Ok. Larry's coming, right?"  
"Yes, Larry is coming. When you go up, tell them that my parents have come and gone, and they can feel free to come down for my party anytime."  
"Why don't you just come up there?"  
Tawny started coughing, suspiciously.  
He looked at her and raised an eyebrow.  
"I swallowed some lint." She sputtered out, and kept coughing.  
"Um...no." I said to him. I was being an ass, but I was getting pissed off, and with good reason.  
"Whatever." He rolled his eyes, and proceeded up the stairs.  
"Fuck him too." I went and sat by Tawny again, "Maybe when Larry gets here everyone'll come down, and I can open my presents."  
"I got you a present."  
I turned, "Give it to me!"  
"I don't know if you'll like it..."  
"I don't care! Give me my present!" I then tackled her, and pretended to strangle her on the couch, while laying on top of her.  
"Oh no, please don't choke me!" She said laughing. It was the first time she'd laughed all day, and it was the first time all day that I was content.  
I failed to hear the door open, and notice Larry come in.  
"Whoa! Ladies! Save that for later!" He said happily.  
I jumped up off of her, and she got up and scooted to the far end of the couch, looking away. "That wasn't what you thought it was Larry! No reason to get excited!"  
"Oh...right Ren...I bet, you flaming lesbian, you! Save it for later!" He sat his backpack down in a chair. "Where the hell is everyone?"  
"They're upstairs, smoking pot."  
He nodded, "Oh I see, and they're neglecting the birthday girl. How wrong is that? If the guys knew what you and Tawny were doing, they'd be down here in seconds."  
I grunted, annoyed. "Did you bring me a present?" I made the sad- puppy face at him. "And can I have it now, if you did?"  
"As a matter of fact, I did bring you a present, but no, you can't have it until after we eat. It's a rule." He smiled, "I'm gonna go get everyone to come down here so we can eat, you can open your presents, and then we can play some good ol' party games."  
"Conspiracy!" I screamed, as he walked quickly up the stairs. If he didn't come back, I was going to go up there and kick everyone's asses.  
Tawny laughed again. "I'm hungry."  
I raised an eyebrow, and threw my arms in the air. "Pervert!"  
"What'd I do?" She said, acting sad.  
I chuckled, "Let's go get the pizza and bring it in here."  
"Ok. Let's."  
It was nice to see her back to her cheerier self. It was really depressing when she was sad. It made me feel a little better about my so- far sucking party that she was happy. We brought the pizzas in and sat them on the coffee table in the middle of the living room. My parents had moved everything breakable, luckily.  
"Food's ready!" We both yelled in unison. Then giggled stupidly. What the heck was wrong with me all of a sudden? I was giggly for no reason, this wasn't normal. It was completely not normal.  
We waited for everyone to come down, and sat on the couch again. The lights weren't turned on, but sunlight was coming through the windows in streaks. I looked at Tawny out of the corner of my eye, trying not to let her know that I was doing it. She was looking at the wall in silence. The light made her eyes sparkle, and I continued examining her hopelessly, unable to stop. Her hair, her eyes, her perfect face, and her lips. She was wearing a little lip gloss that shone in the light. She kept pressing her lips together thoughtfully, not knowing she was doing it as she looked at the wall and thought about something that I couldn't figure out simply by looking at her. Why was I looking at her? What the hell was I doing? First I had nor hormones, and now they were all messed up. I looked in the opposite direction quickly, toward the kitchen, and wished that someone would hurry and come downstairs. 


	2. Chapter 2

Larry came down, and he helped himself to some pizza. He took a whole box for himself, infact. A few minutes later the others flocked down in a massive mob, and gorged themselves on the pizza, chattering excessively. They were hungry, of course. It was a good thing my parents got so many pizzas. Larry put in some rap music, and I eventually joined in the conversation with everyone else, and Tawny wandered off. Everyone was talking about who they liked and normal gossip, but it was substantially louder and more giggly. It was good to see that Ruby was a lot more comfortable with Larry when she was high, I think. She was actually talking to him at least instead of just staring.  
"Where's the flippin' cake? I need something to drink..." Twitty asked.  
Donnie busted out laughing. "You don't drink cake, dude!"  
It was rather funny, I have to admit, and I said. "It's in the kitchen. Go get some drinks out of the refrigerator and we can eat cake in a minute."  
He got up and skipped out of the room, very poorly, it was more like limping with a weird hop.  
"Twitty's gay!" Louis shouted.  
There was a moment of silence, and then everyone started laughing again, except me, who didn't see why it was so funny..  
"Twitty's a fucking faggot!" Louis then shouted.  
I didn't find that comment very humorous, but the laughing continued. He must have done something other than just the pot up there in Donnie's room.  
"Louis, shut the fuck up. You're being immature." Tawny said loudly from across the room. She had parked herself in a chair by the bookcase.  
I looked over in her direction. She was over by herself with a piece of pizza, and she was glaring at Louis. Even when glaring, her blue eyes were like beautiful little crystals.  
"Tawny, lighten up. I think you need a joint." Ruby commented, and snapped me back to the real world where I was not fascinated by a girl's eyes.  
Tawny glared at her now, sat her pizza down and pulled her straight, black hair back into a pony tail.  
"Bitch..." Ruby, mumbled under her breath, but she did it a little loud in her altered state.  
Monique elbowed her, "That was rather loud-ish and shit. Shhhh!"  
"Yeah..." Mona laughed, "You called her a bitch really loud!"  
I sat quietly, and looked back over at Tawny, who wasn't happy again. I felt bad, but I just sat there. She took tiny bites of her pizza and was acting like she didn't hear, but I know she did.  
"You think she's a bitch too, don't you Ren?" Ruby asked me, very loudly again.  
I looked at her and didn't answer.  
"Yeah, Ren, don't you think she's a bitch?" Monique looked at me questioningly. "She's always in a bad mood, and you only invited her for Lou, but you don't really like her."  
"Do you, Ren? You do don't you?" Mona re-emphasized.  
"Umm..." I looked back over at Tawny quickly. "Yeah, I do." I said quietly, just to agree with them, but I didn't say it loud enough for her to hear. I'm such a dumb ass. I wanted to kick myself. I was scared to disagree with people about such things. I didn't wanna cause conflict at my own party.  
"I knew it! You do think she's a bitch!" Ruby said, joyously.  
"Why'd you invite her exactly?" Monique asked.  
Of course, Mona, commented promptly after Monique, "Gosh, Ren, you're just too nice. You shouldn't pretend you like people. It's really two- faced."  
Shit. I should have known that they would say something once I said something. I'm so stupid! You don't tell a high person something that you don't want other people to know at the moment. "No...I meant to say..." I tried correcting myself, but it was too late. I looked over at Tawny as she was getting up, and she looked like she was about to cry. "Shit...no...I..."  
"Stoppit guys, Tawny's not a bitch." Louis said. "Leave her alone."  
Larry laughed, "You should have seen Ren and Tawny earlier, they were all over each other."  
"What?! I heard that!" Twitty said from the kitchen, "I do not like Tawny! Oh yeah...I'm bringing the drinks!"  
"I'm thirsty..." Donnie whined. He was very amused by his pizza, and it had kept him quiet for quite a while.  
"You're not a lesbian, are you Ren?" Ruby asked me, shocked.  
I got up and walked toward Tawny, who was moving toward the door, "Tawny wait." She didn't look at me. I reached out and grabbed her wrist, "Tawny..."  
She jerked her arm away, "You don't want me here, so I'm leaving."  
"Tawny, don't go." Louis told her sadly, from his seat on the floor. Then he took another bite of his pizza.  
Twitty came out of the kitchen carrying five Pepsis, "Is Tawny leaving because I don't like her?"  
"No, I'm leaving because no one wants me here."  
"I want you here." said Louis, stuffing more pizza into his mouth.  
Twitty sat the drinks down on the coffee table next to the many empty pizza boxes, "You lie Louis!" He pointed, with wide eyes. "You lie. You lie. You lie!"  
"Dude, don't call my little bro a liar..." Donnie chimed in, "Hey give me a drink and you can if you want..."  
Twitty tossed him and entire bottle, and he successfully didn't catch it. Instead, it hit the floor next to him and rolled about three feet away. Everyone was yelling at everyone else, except Larry who was waiting for it to get bad and then calm everyone down.  
As I was watching the goings on for that moment, Tawny had walked out the door, and left it open. When I realized that she was gone. I charged out after her. "Tawny! Wait!" I ran and caught up with her, and then got in front of her and blocked her path. "Listen to me for a second, please."  
"What? I suppose you want me to go back inside because you didn't mean what you said, and you just said it to agree with your friends that are high off their asses, and have ignored you all afternoon."  
"Yes! Exactly!"  
She sighed. "I didn't get my stuff anyway..."  
"So you're gonna stay?" It was getting dark out already, and her hair was shining in the street light along with her light blue eyes, that were far from being angry with me. Why I noticed, I don't know.  
"Yeah, just don't be an ass, unless you mean it."  
"You believe me?"  
She shrugged, "I don't have any reason not to."  
"Thank you. I'm really sorry I did that..."  
She almost smiled, "I could tell you didn't mean it, but I wanted to see if you'd try and come get me. That's why I left my stuff. I'm very protective of it, and if I were really leaving, I would have gotten it."  
"Why'd you wanna see if I would follow you?"  
"Let's go back inside before everyone kills each other."  
As we started to walk back up my driveway, I again asked, "Why'd you wanna see if I'd follow you?"  
"Um...well...I..."  
"Spit it out Tawny, you've never been shy about saying anything to anyone before."  
"I know...but..."  
"Everyone shut up! We have to sing "Happy Birthday" for Ren, as soon as she comes back in! I'll light the candles on the cake! Twitty go get it, quick!" I heard Larry command from inside.  
"Oh, hell no!" I ran back in the house, leaving Tawny at the steps, "Don't let him carry my cake! I'll get my own cake!"  
I ran past Twitty, who was moving slowly, and picked up the white box myself. When coming out of the kitchen, Tawny was shutting the front door. "Somebody move the pizza boxes and drinks, please."  
Monique, and Mona did as I asked, and I sat the cake on the table. Larry pulled his lighter out of his pocket as I was opening the lid. I looked at my cake, and as soon as I saw it, I yelled, "What the hell?!"  
Everyone got quiet, and stared at me.  
"This isn't my name on my birthday cake..."  
"Well, whose name is then, Ren?" Ruby said, abnormally annoyed.  
"It says 'Neville'..."  
"Close enough." Louis said, "Let's eat it."  
"It's not my cake though..." I said, very hurt because my birthday party wasn't turning out like I wanted it to at all. My parents didn't even check to see if it was the right cake before bringing it home.  
"Who cares! Get it out of the fucking box!" Bobby demanded.  
I sighed, and carefully picked it up and placed it back down. Other than the name being wrong, it was a cute cake. All nice and light blue and white and stuff. Bobby was such an asshole sometimes. Why did I invite him? Why did I invite almost all of these people? Why didn't I just invite Tawny?  
Damn, what was I thinking? Who knows what I would do with the poor girl if I were alone with her right now.  
Larry lit his lighter, "Oh...hey...there're no candles, yo."  
Bobby and everyone else laughed.  
"They're in the kitchen..." I went and rummaged in the cabinet for the box of candles. I found them after a few seconds, and then took them out and put sixteen of them on the cake for Larry to light.  
"Now sing!" He said, dictator-like, and everyone did as they were told, though they were absolutely off key. Before they had even finished, he noticed the disgusted expression on my face, and he said, "Now stop!" Everyone did as told again, except Donnie, who continued on and hadn't noticed.  
"Donnie, quit now." Louis said.  
"Huh?" He mumbled, confused, and looked around at all of us, dazed.  
"Make your wish, quick, before he starts singing again." said Larry.  
I shut my eyes for a few seconds, inhaled, and strained myself to think of a wish. Then something came to me, that surprised me substantially. I wish Tawny was a lesbian. I blew out the candles, before being able to change my wish, of which's origins weren't certain. I wanted to kick myself for thinking that. I owed myself a good many kicks now. What made me think such a stupid thing like that?! I wasted my wish on something I didn't really want. Why would I want that?! What good would it do me? None. None at all.  
Everyone cheered and I realized that I'd blown them all out.  
I must've looked kinda glazed over because after my wish sunk in, Louis asked, "Are you ok? Are you gonna pass out?"  
I shook my head, and composed myself quickly. Maybe I held my breath longer than a person's meant to, or maybe it was the fact that I wished for something that seemed very foreign to me, for no reason, and very impulsively. I'm glad wishes don't come true.  
"Cut the fucking cake, already." Bobby said, frustrated.  
"Louis, go and get the knife."  
He got up without questioning me and retrieved the cake knife from and also some paper plates.  
I cut the cake, and appropriately, got the first piece, then I proceeded to pass out the rest to everyone. Well, everyone except Tawny, who had gone back to her chair in the corner and was sitting quietly.  
"Tawny, do you want any?" I asked.  
"Nah. Don't like cake."  
"Bitch." Ruby muttered.  
"Shut up." I told her without even thinking about it.  
"Yeah. Be civil." said Larry.  
She sneered, and stuffed cake into her mouth.  
I stayed over with the group, and left Tawny over by herself. It really frightened me that I was thinking all the things about her that I was, and I kinda wanted to avoid her for a bit, in the hope that I would get over it, and make it go away. I kept wandering what it would be like to kiss her, and I wondered if she was any good, and I kept wanting to touch her. I bet her skin is really soft. I twitched. Why was this happening to me? I know, it's just because I've had a sucky love life and wanted Louis to have one too, and thus I didn't want him to have Tawny. There, logical explanation.  
After Larry finished his cake, he changed the CD in the stereo and put in some dance music. Then he went rummaging through his bag and got out a nicely wrapped box. My present apparently. After everyone else finished they took his hint, and went and retrieved their presents from wherever they were located. Except Tawny, who was staring off at nothing now. I didn't bother her. She was a solitary person normally.  
First, Ruby handed me her present. It was wrapped in pretty pink paper, and had a matching pink bow. I carefully pulled the bow off and tried not to rip the shiny paper. It was a medium sized box, and it contained and shirt and a twenty dollar bill. "Thanks, Ruby. Cute, and money's always useful."  
"You're welcome, Ren!" She said, very enthusiastically, back to her normal self again.  
"Here, open mine." Monique said, shoving the bag in my face.  
I pulled out all the tissue paper, very slowly. Everyone was silent and watching in anticipation. I don't know why. The girl got me a shirt that said 'cheerleader' on it. I began to wonder if she ever thought about anything else at all, but I said, "Thank you." Smiled widely, and put it aside. "Don't you have a shirt like that?"  
"Yeppers!" She nodded, "We can match!"  
Next, not to my surprise, Mona threw her present at me. It was in the same kind of bag, and as I looked at it, I almost thought that it would be the same shirt. Luckily, it wasn't. It was a diary with a kitten on it, and a mass amount of gel pens. At least this was useful. "Ooh! Very nice Mona."  
She clapped her hands and giggled.  
I choked back my annoyance with her, and opened Louis's present, which was a teddy bear. I like stuffed animals, "Awww! Thanks Louis, and you actually remembered my birthday this year too!"  
He gleamed with pride at his feat.  
"Twitty, what'd you get me?" I asked shaking the small square box.  
"Not telling." He crossed his arms.  
It was making weird noises, which scared me, but I opened it, and saw that it was, none other than, a bunch of glitter with a quarter in its midst, and I slip of paper. I pulled it out, and read it out loud, "Errr...it says: I O U a birthday present." I smiled, he was cute in all his stupidity. "That's sweet, Twitty."  
He grinned, "I know."  
The other girls rolled their eyes at him.  
"Awww! Stop hitting on Ren." Ruby said, punching him, playfully.  
I got a card with twenty dollars in it from Donnie. He wasn't in his right frame of mind, which wasn't much anyway, so he was pretty unresponsive when I thanked him for his gift.  
Larry got down on one knee and handed me the little box, "My mom wrapped it." He told me, and I took it from him.  
"Thanks. She did a good job." I said smiling at his antics. He was a nice guy, very charming, but there was nothing there between us more than friends, and I could tell. I saw Ruby giving me dirty looks when he got down on his knee for me. I pulled it open, and noticed that it was some kind of jewelry box. I pulled off the lid, and there was a silver necklace with a star hanging from it on the inside. It was cute. I would wear it. "You're really thoughtful Larry."  
"Hug?" He said, pathetically.  
"Sure." I got up and hugged him. As I looked over his shoulder, Ruby was giving me the most hateful looks I had ever seen from her, and I tried to look and her and signal that it meant nothing, but I don't think she got it.  
After Larry and I sat back down, Bobby carried his big box over to me, "Saved the best for last."  
I smiled, and opened it. I found a large purple pillow with pink stars on it inside. On one side it said, 'I love you the most-est'. "Um...thank you." I was moderately confused, and then he sat down on the coffee table directly in front of me on the couch.  
"Will you go out with me?" He asked, very sweetly.  
I blinked, and stared for a few seconds, holding on to the pillow. My eyes drifted over to Tawny, who was looking at me funny. I didn't know what her look meant, but I looked straight into Bobby's face and said, "No."  
He took a deep breath. "Oh. Well...you can keep the pillow." Then he got up and sat back down on the floor by Donnie. "I'm sorry I was being a jerk earlier, if that will change your decision."  
He said it honestly, and I believed him, but I shook my head, "Bobby, I'm sorry. We've gone out before, and...I just don't want to again. I forgive you for being an ass."  
"Hey!" He said, "I didn't say I was an ass, I said I was a jerk."  
"Well...then I forgive you for being a jerk."  
"Game time!" Announced Larry. "Let's clean up, and move the furniture." He looked at me for approval, "We are allowed to move the furniture around a little, aren't we?"  
I nodded, gathered my gifts, and took them up to my room. As I was going up the stairs I heard Ruby mumbling about how I liked Larry and how Tawny was cheap and didn't get me anything. I noticed that Tawny didn't give me her present. I wonder what it was. I was tempted to look in her book bag. I put my stuff on my bed, and then ran back downstairs without doing it. The paper had been picked up, and there was a massive space in the middle of the living room because all the furniture had been moved to the sides. I glanced at the clock, and it was 9:30. Lots of time left. Damn. I was tired, worn out from all the weird things in my head, I guess. I began to think that they'd been there for a while, and I hadn't really acknowledged them until now.  
Everyone was gradually forming a circle in my living room on the round area rug. I went and sat by Larry, who had his bag sitting in front of him. "What're we gonna do?" I asked.  
"Wait and you'll see. Everyone's gotta get over here first, so I can explain the rules." He told me, "Tawny, come here." He motioned for her to come and sit by me.  
She got up and came and sat down, "I'll give you your present later...if you still want it that is."  
"Yeah I want it, but why didn't you give it to me before?"  
"Because..."  
"Alright everybody," Larry stood up, holding his bag, and got everyone's attention.  
"Didja bring it?" Louis asked excitedly.  
"Bring what?" Tawny asked, leaning over toward me.  
"I dunno..."  
"Yes, I sure did Lou." Larry grinned.  
Everyone cheered except me and Tawny, who were both in a state of confusion. This was my party, dammit, why didn't I know about anything?  
Larry pulled out a full bottle of vodka, and held it up for all to see.  
"Great..." Tawny said, sarcastically.  
I sighed. This was my party, but not really anymore, it was everyone else's party. I wanted to cry. I didn't like this.  
"Alright, here's the deal," said Larry, "We're gonna pass this around, and everyone is going to take one drink from it each time it comes to them until it's empty, and when it's empty we're going to play spin the bottle. The person that takes the last drink gets to spin it first. Understand?" The people nodded, and smiled widely. "Ren starts cus it's her birthday." He said handing the glass bottle to me.  
How great. I took the bottle, unsurely.  
"Don't drink it..." Tawny whispered in my ear. "Pretend."  
I nodded, nervously, and pulled the top off. Everyone was watching me in silence, and I lifted it to my lips, pretending to drink out of it, but I didn't let any go in my mouth. I passed it to Larry, who had sat back down, and he took his drink. Tawny smiled slightly.  
The bottle went around, and by the time it got to her, it was about a quarter of the way empty. She pretended to drink, as I did, and then she passed it to me and I did the same, but Monique caught me, and said, "Hey, Ren, you didn't drink any!"  
I panicked, and said, "I don't like the way it tastes..."  
"C'mon Ren," Ruby whined, "Don't be a pussy, silly!"  
Oh shit. They were actually paying attention to me now.  
Soon all the others, except Tawny, joined in and started chanting for me to drink. I had no choice, but to take a swallow, a very small one, and wince because of the thought that I was doing something very wrong. It tasted revoltingly strong, and burned all the way down, then made my stomach feel rather gross. I passed it on to Larry again, and I leaned over to Tawny, "It wasn't so bad."  
"So? I don't wanna kiss someone that's been drinking...errr...I mean...umm...drinking vodka at all...I mean...I..."  
"Huh?" I heard what she said very clearly, but I didn't want to acknowledge it. I was confused beyond reason now.  
"Nevermind."  
The bottle came back around to her and she once again, got away with not drinking any. I drank a tiny bit, and passed it on. What was more wrong, drinking a little vodka, or wanting to kiss the girl next you that happened to be your brother's ex-girlfriend? By this time it was half empty, and I figured I'd have to drink it two more times before it was over. I did, and so did Tawny, both times she got away with not drinking, but I didn't. I think everyone was paying more attention to me. Larry swallowed the last bit, so he got to spin first, but before he did, he got up and made another announcement. "First before we begin, we have to all agree not to be losers, and to kiss whoever the bottle lands on, no matter of the race, gender, or hair color, or anything. When we tire of this we can play Truth or Dare, and I brought some beer. Once one person refuses to kiss their designated person, then the game is over."  
He went around the circle and asked everyone if they agreed to the rules and they all did. Me, I did reluctantly, praying that the bottle would never land on Tawny because I wanted to kiss her so bad now that I wanted an excuse not to kiss her. It made sense, to me, at least. 


	3. Chapter 3

Larry spun the empty vodka bottle. We watched it spin in silence. It landed on Donnie, who wasn't really paying attention.  
"Donnie...dude..." Twitty poked him in his arm with one finger. "You gotta kiss Larry."  
Donnie blinked, and sat with his hands in his lap, and waited, I guess.  
"Man..." Larry mumbled, and crawled over to him.  
Their romantic moment was quite amusing. They were both very awkward, and kissed quickly, being careful not to touch one another. Both of them wiped their mouths greatly after they were through, though their lips had barely touched. Larry was grumbling about how his rules were stupid and he wished he hadn't said that. I knew he had said it in hopes that lots of girls would be kissing, but forgetting that there was more than one male playing. Silly Larry.  
When Bobby spun it landed on Ruby, and she kissed him passionately, despite herself, to try and make Larry want her or something by her displaying her kissing skills or making him jealous even. I don't know. We didn't have the same brain frequency. Mona landed on Monique, which brought many laughs, and Monique then had to kiss Donnie. Louis got Ruby, and Twitty got Mona. Ruby spun and ended up with Donnie, who was feeling very special by this time. Then Donnie spun, and got Larry. I thought Larry would back out, and I was hoping he would, but he didn't.  
Tawny's spin came around, and I watched as the bottle turned around and around. I then realized that I failed to pray that when Tawny spun that it didn't land on me. I didn't want it to land on anyone else either. I don't know what I wanted, but to no avail, it landed on me. I watched it as it slowed down, and came to a dead stop right in front of me, pointing at me, mockingly. There was no way that I could pull off claiming that it had stopped on Larry or on Tawny herself. I almost thought that the strange girl had somehow done it on purpose because she wanted to kiss me. No way. I was losing it.  
I swallowed hard, and watched Tawny as she did the same.  
"Um...Ren..." She muttered, but stopped, and began to lean closer to me. My entire body tensed up, and she pulled back, saying, "I won't kiss her. Sorry. Let's just play Truth or Dare now."  
Ruby groaned, "God, you're no fun at all."  
"Do you always ruin parties?" Asked Monique.  
"Yeah. Do you?" Mona reinforced.  
"Lemme think. Yes, I do." She said, sarcastically.  
"It figures." Moaned Bobby, leaning back onto the floor and stretching.  
"Would you give her a break?" Louis snapped.  
I was glad that she didn't have to kiss anyone else, and I almost wished that she had just gone and kissed me. In fact, I was almost disappointed that she didn't. I whispered, "Tawny, you're not ruining anything, they are."  
She smiled, "I'm sorry."  
I shook my head.  
"Ren, I need to tell you something..."  
"So tell me."  
"I can't..."  
Louis ran over and dimmed the lights, and Ruby put in a mix CD. Then Larry gave Ruby a beer, and got one out of his bag for himself. "Anyone else want one?" He asked, looking around. Donnie raised his had sheepishly, and he tossed him one, "Here's the rules for this," He said, "We're going to go in the circle, and everyone is going to ask everyone Truth or Dare. Each one of you only has one time to say truth because it just gets boring when no one does anything. Agree?"  
Everyone agreed, and I started to notice what a superiority complex Larry had. There was his flaw that I found completely unattractive. It was always his rules for everything. He was the boss, always. He wasn't too bad of a boss or anything, but he just always had to be in charge. I wondered how long his sensibility would last if he continued drinking.  
"Who wants to start asking people?" He asked.  
"I'll start." Volunteered Donnie. He turned himself to face Tawny, "Truth or dare?"  
Everyone got quiet and listened, "Truth..." she said, unsurely.  
"You, Tawny, do you still have feelings for my little brother, Lou, over there?"  
"No." She said confidently and surely, now.  
"What?" Louis's face sunk, and he finally realized that they were done. He sighed loudly, and seemed very hurt, but accepting of it. He shook his head, "Larry, give me a beer."  
Larry threw him one from the other side of the circle, and tossed one to everyone else too, except me and Tawny. He figured we wouldn't be much into it, and he was right.  
"God...I wish he didn't drink...especially when he's upset." Tawny said to herself. "I wish he didn't do a lot of things..."  
"Alright. Sorry Louis." He said with any emotion, "Now, Ren...Truth or dare?" Donnie asked me.  
I sat quietly, Indian-style, and thought about all the things he could possibly ask me to do if I said dare. I didn't want to use up my one and only truth because the other people there would probably dare me to do something that I really didn't want to do. I sighed, Donnie was still not quite in his proper state of mind, which wasn't much to begin with, and I figured he wouldn't be able to come up with a completely awful dare, so that was what I chose.  
He thought for a long time, putting his hand on his chin, and everyone else started to whisper amongst themselves because he was taking so long. I was beginning to think he forgot what he was trying to think of, but then he yelled, "I know!" But he paused, "Oh wait...no...Ooh! I know! Ren, I dare you to lick Tawny's foot."  
"Errr...ok..." I scratched my head and looked at Tawny.  
Tawny squinted, and looked at me oddly, but then her mouth curled into a smile that was very disturbing to me, and she took her tennis shoes off and threw them over by the door. Then she took her socks off in a provocative way, and everyone began to laugh. "My feet are clean." She told me, "And if I kick you in the face, I apologize ahead of time because it'll probably tickle, and yeah, I'll try not to kick you cus you have such a nice face and all."  
I tried not to think much about the last part of what she said, "Ok...give me your foot!" This was almost enjoyable in a kinky sort of way, of course. Truth or Dare wasn't so bad after all, though licking someone's foot did seem a wee bit unsanitary. She stuck her right foot in my face and held it up. I stuck out my tongue, leaned forward, and then drug it from the ball of her foot nearly up to her toes. She twitched a little as I was doing it, but she didn't kick me in the face. I looked at her face and she bit down on her bottom lip so not to laugh, while others around the circle were laughing hysterically, and saying "Eww..."  
I laughed, though I didn't see why it was all that funny,. It was just a foot. It wasn't like I was kissing her, not that I wanted to kiss her or anything. "Tawny, your feet are really sexy." I said, leaning my head onto her lap and looking up at her, grinning stupidly.  
"Thanks Ren." She smiled, mischievously.  
I don't know if I was joking or not, really, but Larry pointed at us and started yelling, "Ooh! I told you so!"  
"Oh. Quiet you." I said, sitting up, quickly, and trying to recompose myself. I had to make everyone think I was drunk, didn't I? Or semi-drunk, at least to the point that I was hitting on Tawny. Yeah. That was it, I couldn't handle the tiny bit of vodka that I had, and I actually was drunk. That's why I was attracted to Tawny, but the attraction started before that. Someone must've put something in my drink at lunch today. No, someone put something in my drink at lunch a while back, and it was having lasting effects.  
It made it around to Tawny's turn to ask everyone, and everyone but myself had used up their truth on the first round. I still had mine. In my self-convinced drunkenness, I had more of an ability to use my strategic logical abilities than all the other people. Half the people there didn't have those when they were sober, much less now.  
"Truth or dare?" She asked me.  
"Dare." I said, sure that she wouldn't have me do anything completely disgusting or anything like that.  
"Erm...I dare you to..." She looked around the circle, contemplatively, "Kiss Larry." She grinned, hatefully at Ruby. She knew she liked Larry too. "No tongue though." She added, immediately. I don't know why.  
Not too hard. I kinda wanted to make Ruby mad too, but I didn't want to kiss Larry very much, especially after he'd been drinking because it would taste like beer and I wasn't very fond of the taste of beer. I hadn't ever had any, but it smelled bad, so I assumed. I wanted to kiss Tawny, and I secretly hoped that someone would dare me to it later, but I kept pushing it into the back of mind and telling myself that I was drunk each time I thought about it. Without any argument I turned to Larry and we kissed for no more than two seconds before I backed off. I didn't want to kiss him, but I wanted to prove to myself that I liked kissing guys or something, and I couldn't do it. Not with Larry at least, maybe with Twitty. Maybe. That damn vodka had gotten to me, made me think I had feelings for a girl.  
Tawny looked at me oddly when I was through because I turned and looked at her oddly maybe. She made her way around the circle, and didn't even bother to give anyone a choice to say truth, she just went around daring, and she did some nasty things to people, but I suppose she had every right, considering they were being rather mean to her. Louis and Twitty ended up having to French kiss, and Donnie took off all his clothes, and was forced to sit naked for the rest of the game until someone dared him to put his clothes back on, which was pleasing to the other girls there, but not me, or Tawny, who paid him little attention even when he was naked.  
My turn rolled around, and before I told Larry his dare, I said, "Oh shit! Nelson didn't come!" Everyone blinked and looked at me. I felt terrible. I hadn't even noticed until now, and I don't know why I noticed, but I should have called him or something to see why. It was too late now though.  
"Ren, he probably had an allergic reaction...or something,...and couldn't come." said Ruby.  
"But he would have called..." I protested. I thought that something really bad might've happened.  
"He probably didn't want to interrupt your party, he's considerate like that." Larry informed me, taking a gulp of his beer.  
"Oh gosh...is there any cake left?"  
Louis peeked behind him to where the cake had been, "Nope."  
"Oh no..."  
"He's probably allergic to it anyway, Ren." He said.  
I sighed, "Yeah...anyway..." I focused my attention back to Larry. Donnie had asked everyone stupid truth questions, and had ruined my plans for Ruby, so I had to make the best I could of dares. "I dare you to tell me if you like anyone in this room as more than a friend."  
He got quiet, as did everyone else, then he looked down and said, "Hrm...Yes."  
Ruby gasped, very noticeably. I started making my way around the circle, soon forgetting about Nelson again, and I got to Ruby. I was rather no good at telling people to do nasty dares.  
"I dare you to...tell the person in this room that you like, that you like them because we all know that you like someone here." I said to her, evilly.  
She gasped again, and her eyes grew wide. Tawny sneered at her, and I chuckled a little under my breath.  
"I...um...I...Larry..."  
"Spit it out, Ruby!" Monique said elbowing her harder than she meant to, and knocking the air out of her. "Oops! Walk it off!"  
"Yeah. Walk it off!" Mona echoed.  
Everyone laughed, and she sucked in air, and managed to spit out, "I...want to...have...sex...with...you...Larry..."  
"Awww!" Monique shouted.  
"That's so sweet!" Mona squealed.  
Larry cleared his throat, staring at Ruby, who was gasping for breath.  
"Good one!" Tawny and I high-fived, and laughed loudly.  
Her hand was soft. I pulled away quickly, and sat on my hands. I had completely stopped laughing abruptly. Quickly, I focused my attention back on my daring. I had to dare Donnie to put his clothes back on. I couldn't bare to look over there and see his junk all out, and his terrible tan lines on his legs. Monique and Mona protested, and Louis and Twitty thought it was hilarious that they cared that much about Donnie's nudity. To celebrate they shared a beer with them.  
"Alright Tawny..." I squinted, and tried to think of a decent dare, when the other side of the circle started chanting to dare her to kiss me to make up for her not doing it when we were playing Spin the Bottle. "I dare you to..." I paused, and considered daring her to kiss me, but I was afraid she wouldn't do it, or she would get mad at me for doing what everyone said to do.  
She nodded slightly. She was hard to read sometimes, but I swear that she wanted me to say it. I don't think anyone else saw her signal to me, but I, more excitedly than I had planned, said, "I dare you to kiss me!"  
I winced. A silence of anticipation fell over the group, and they moved in closer, especially the guys, even my brothers. The dirty perverts. I had been taken advantage if in my drunken state! I didn't want to do this! It would ruin my reputation! It would make a lot of guys want me more, but I didn't want any guys! I wanted Tawny...well damn. I'd gone and messed with my own head. 


	4. Chapter 4

You can't back out of a dare that you dare someone else to do. I moved a little closer to Tawny, and we leaned our faces together. For what seemed like forever we sat there with our noses centimeters apart and our eyes open, staring at one another. She blinked once. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She swallowed, and in the silence I heard it. I also heard my heart sounding like it was going to force its way out of my chest and make a big mess on everyone. She shut her eyes, and leaned in closer to me. As I shut my eyes, and felt her lips against mine. Unconsciously, and I'd like to say, unwillingly, I moved my hands up to her sides.  
"Work it! Work it!" Larry couldn't contain himself, and he yelled out.  
I smiled, breaking the kiss. Then I began to laugh, but it was more of a giggle, I'm not sure why, and I leaned my forehead onto Tawny's shoulder and continued to do so. I heard her begin to laugh, and I couldn't hear anyone in the room but her now. She hugged me, and I put my arms around her. Maybe now that I'd kissed her I'd be over this phase I was going through, and I'd like males again. Maybe now all the stupid urges would stop, and we could be normal again. I hate not knowing things, and being unsure, and confused. It wasn't me, at all.  
"Happy birthday." She said softly.  
"Holy shit, do that again, dude..." Twitty sputtered, interrupting whatever kind of moment we were having or about to have.  
"It's my turn to ask, yo...I'll make 'em do it again..." Larry's drunkenness began to show a little. He twitched with excitement. "Oh my God! Ren, I dare you to do that again!"  
"Larry, you're not going in the circle...and you're supposed to give me the option to say truth, remember?"  
"Eh..."  
"I'm the only one that hasn't used my truth yet." I reminded him.  
"Oh yah..." he mumbled, scratching his head, "Truth or dare?"  
"Truth." I said, sneering. He'd obviously given up on the whole circle thing now.  
"Oh...errr...uh...You, Ren, who do you like?!"  
He was hoping I would say Tawny, so that we could put on a show for them, and I knew it. "No one." I responded. I looked at Tawny out of the corner of my eye, and she was looking upset. Why would she be upset that I didn't like her? She wouldn't. I was imagining it. My stupid urges weren't content with just that one kiss, but I didn't want to do more with her, ever, especially in front of people, so I again said, "No one, at all."  
"Damn girl, you lie!" He protested, "You're supposed to tell the truth! That ain't it!"  
Bobby mumbled something, and then said, "Alright, Ren I dare you to do it again, and you can't get out of it this time!"  
I sighed. Every guy was going to dare me to do the same thing over and over until they got braver and dared me to do something more, but it was okay at the moment because I needed to rid myself of the damned impulses. "Tawny, you don't mind do you?"  
She shook her head, and blushed slightly, "Nah, it's fine."  
Why'd she blush? I pushed it to the back of my head. "Ok." I took a deep breath, and gently pressed my lips to hers. They were warm and moist, tasted faintly of vanilla from her lip gloss that had long since rubbed off, and I didn't want to stop. I wanted to do more. Damn impulses and urges or whatever they are!  
"Tongue! You need tongue!" Larry yelled, sounding very frustrated.  
Tawny pulled away, and I glared at him. He interrupted the satisfaction of the evil urges, and angered me.  
"Ren," Tawny whispered, "I really need to tell you something."  
"Tell me." I said quickly.  
"I..."  
"My turn!" yelled Mona, "Enough of the lesbian action! I dare Ruby to blow Larry!" She cackled evilly. Larry's rules, about going in the circle, and asking everyone had been forgotten by this time, completely.  
Ruby's eyes grew wide, "No!"  
"What?! I know you like me!" Shouted Larry. "You wanna have sex with me!"  
"She's got things..." Donnie pointed out, having remembered from earlier.  
"Condom things." Twitty laughed.  
"Fine!" Ruby yelled in Mona's face, "Let's go in the kitchen!"  
Larry jumped up.  
"Not in the kitchen!" I screamed.  
"Where then?!" Ruby snapped at me, uncharacteristically. Substances made her act different.  
"Go outside or something!" I was about to pull my hair out.  
She grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the back door.  
"Man, I want someone to give me head." Bobby whined. "Why the hell didn't you invite...um...what's her face...Ren? That really slutty girl..."  
"Bobby, shut up or get out." I told him. Everyone was driving me insane, if I wasn't already.  
He stood up, without saying anything grabbed his stuff and walked out of the front. I sighed, very relieved once he was gone. Everyone else started mumbling amongst themselves, quietly, fearing my wrath. Donnie and Twitty kept poking each other, and I didn't know what was going on there, didn't really want to. Louis was doing some bonding with Monique and Mona, very quietly.  
As I looked around at everything. I felt slightly relieved like I was in control again, but then I felt Tawny's hands on my shoulders. When I turned to look at her, she kissed me, abruptly. It surprised me and my body got extremely stiff and tense. I had no idea what to do.  
She let go of me and backed away, "Sorry."  
"It's...it's..." I tried to figure out what 'it' was. I want to take her away from all this, from all these people, and the chaos, and I want to lock her in my room, and never let her out, so that no one can have her, but me. Did that mean I was in love with Tawny? I don't know. I don't know what being in love is like. I know very little, though I get straight As and I'm the president of everything. "It's ok."  
"Ren...I..."  
"Dude, they were just kissing again..." Twitty told Donnie.  
"My lil' sis has a new boyfriend...and it's a girl." was Donnie's response.  
Louis looked at us, we were just sitting there. "Man, this isn't right..."  
"What isn't right?" Asked Monique.  
"Yeah...what?" Mona was seeming a little disoriented.  
"Who?" Twitty asked, very confused.  
Donnie laughed, "Shut up. I can't think..."  
"You can never think." Louis mumbled.  
"Be nice." Said Monique.  
"What she said." Mona was losing her touch. "I don't wanna go home! I wanna stay with you!" She latched onto her leader's arm.  
"Who has rice?" Twitty asked.  
Within minutes everyone was yelling for one reason or another, and Larry wasn't in the house to maintain the calm anymore. I didn't feel like being in control. I wanted a moment completely lacking control. No one was paying attention as I grabbed Tawny's hand and led her upstairs. 


	5. Chapter 5

Tawny and I went into my room and she stopped after she came in the door.  
"Tawny?" I said, as I made my way toward the table by my bed to turn on the lamp.  
"Um...Ren, did you read my note?"  
"Wha? Oh..." I'd forgotten about it with all the weird things going on, "Well, I got it. It's in my bag, but I didn't get a chance to read it."  
"Oh..."  
"Was it important?" I asked and I clicked it on.  
She shook her head, "Well...just read it later..."  
I stood there for a little while and watched her just stand there and look around my room before I managed to say, "Can you shut my door?"  
She did, but then continued to stand there, looking around. She was thinking.  
Sitting down on my bed, I sighed, "Come sit down. I think we should try and talk..."  
"I've been trying to talk to you all night."  
"You can't get interrupted now, so tell me." I watched her carefully as she avoided looking at me. Her hands were behind her back, and she was shaking just enough for me to notice. "I'm coming..." I paused, and realized how wrong that sounded, "Coming over there to you since you don't seem to be coming to me." I rambled. She continued to stand there, in deep though, I guess. I grabbed onto her shoulders, and looked into her eyes, "What's the matter?"  
"Nothing." She lied.  
"You feel ok?"  
"I don't know..."  
"Well, what's that supposed to mean?"  
She shook her head and made a pitiful effort to get away from me, but I held onto her arms and pinned her against the wall. "Ren, I know that I never have problems saying things to people that I feel, but what I want to say to you is way different...it's like...how I feel, and I've always had problems with telling people like..." She stumbled over her words in a very un-Tawny manner, "It's like...I..."  
"Listen to me. I don't know how you're going to react to this and I'm not even sure if I'm sure about it, but..." She turned her face away from me. "Look at me..." I whispered and with one hand guided her face straight ahead again. I kept my hand on her cheek for much longer than needed, and touched her skin with my fingertips. The dim lighting in the room reflected the confusion in her eyes, and then I leaned forward and kissed her. Our lips touched for the forth time that night, and she kissed me back softly. All of our previous kissing had been with closed lips. I slipped my other hand around and down to the back of her leg, and felt her muscles tighten as I touched her, and I wished that she hadn't been wearing pants. I wanted to touch her skin.  
Tawny's own hands started rubbing my hips, and pulling my body closer to hers, but then she pulled away suddenly, and I backed off of her, giving her some space, hoping she wasn't angry. She looked up at me and smiled, but her eyes weren't quite smiling.  
"Ok. I just did that, and...and no one was watching, and no one told me to...I did it because I wanted to..."  
"I know..." She said quietly. "And what I've been trying to tell you all this time is that...I like you, and in a not just friends way..."  
I leaned in to kiss her again, and closed my eyes, but as I did so, she turned her face away from me causing me to only get her cheek. "Tawny...it's ok..."  
She ducked down and escaped from me by going under my arm, then she went and sat on my bed, "I don't know what's going on..."  
"About what?" I asked stupidly, sitting down beside her.  
"I've been trying to tell you all day, but it never seemed to work, and I was starting to think that maybe it was better if you didn't know..." She said, looking down.  
"Tawny, I'm Ren Steven, and I know everything, but I don't know what's been going on with me for months now...I've been blocking it out...and..."  
"You're repressing your thoughts because you don't like them and don't think they're acceptable." She looked up at me, and smiled again. "Your denying that they exist."  
I composed myself so that I could go on a massive rant, "I've never felt like this about anyone, but you. It's really weird and different...and it's freaking me out..."  
"Ren, shut up and stop trying to figure things out in a orderly, organized way because not everything works like that."  
That hurt. I liked being organized. She's gone about messing with my entire way of life now.  
"What are you thinking about right now at this second?"  
I looked at her a squinted in the dim light, "I wanna tackle you, rip your clothes off, and-"  
"Ok. Stop." She interrupted me. "That was an overshare. I'm not quite ready for that yet. That's really unlike you to think of immoral things of the such."  
"Well, it's not like you to have speech problems when trying to tell someone something important." I retaliated.  
"Fine. Insult me. I already know that you wanna rape me, so insulting me won't hurt me too bad," She stuck out her tongue.  
"You've messed with my head, and caused me to have thoughts and such that are very not like me." I pointed at her as I talked.  
"I'm sorry." She got quiet, and seemed to be listening to something.  
"Wha-"  
She covered my mouth with her hand, "Shhh...listen. Do you hear that?"  
"Hear what?" I mumbled through her hand.  
"Noises."  
I tried to listen, but didn't really hear anything. All seemed pretty silent to me. "I don't-"  
"Shhh!"  
"Tawny..." I whined. Her hand was still over my mouth. I stuck my tongue out and licked it, trying to slobber on it as much as possible.  
She jerked it away and wiped it on the leg of her pants, "Save that for later." She whispered, "There's something going on downstairs."  
"What could be going on downstairs?"  
"Shhh!" She got up and grabbed my wrist and pulled me out the door. We stopped at the top of the stairs. "Now listen."  
I groaned, and attempted to listen. "Oh..." I said, hearing noises that were odd to me coming from the living room. I heard soft grunts, and moans and such. "It sounds like..."  
"Sex." Tawny whispered, but it was more like a hiss, making it sound scandalous.  
"No...who would be down there having sex? They're probably just...wrestling..."  
"Uh huh...wrestling all right...Ren, go look."  
"Harder!" Mona screamed.  
"I don't wanna go look!" I squealed after hearing what I heard.  
"You said they were only wrestling, so you go look."  
"No, you're the one that heard the noises first." I latched onto her arms and shoved her in front of me to peek down into the living room. Thoughts rushed through my head about them making a mess and me getting blamed for it, or my parents thinking I was the one having sex, or my parent's coming to check on things secretly, and finding a while lot of people doing it on the floor.  
"Just a threesome?! They're doing...stuff in my living room!"  
She looked back again, and whispered, "It's um...Louis...Monique...and Mona..."  
I gasped, "What's wrong with all my friends and my brother?!"  
"They're high and drunk...thus their inhibitions are really screwed up, and they don't know what the hell they're doing." She told me, matter-of- factly.  
"We need to make them stop." I finally got the courage built up, and I looked around the corner and down toward the floor below. I saw a tangled mass of bodies, "Holy shit on a stick...they're all naked..."  
"Oh no...not naked..." Tawny said sarcastically, back to her normal self, "How else could they be having sex, Ren?"  
"Shut up, and go down there and get them apart...or whatever..."  
"What do you want me to do? Go get the water hose?"  
I thought for a moment, "No...just go and poke them or something and make them stop before they make a mess."  
"It's your house. You do it."  
"Dammit, Tawny, Louis is your ex-boyfriend."  
"He's your brother." She snapped.  
"Oh yeah..." I looked back down again, "Where's Donnie and Twitty?"  
Tawny poked her head under my arm, and looked, "They're not down there."  
"I know that. That was why I just said it."  
"They're probably in Donnie's room getting high again. I saw the light on under his door. Should we go get them?"  
"Heck no. I don't wanna know what's going on with them alone in Donnie's room."  
"Well, I do." She grabbed my wrist again and began to pull me down the hall toward the closed door. There was light coming from under it, so someone was in there.  
I pulled her away before she turned the knob to go in, "You're scary sometimes...wanting to watch people have sex and stuff..."  
"I am not, and I don't. I just wanna know what's going on in there since there's a threesome in your living room, a guy getting head outside."  
"Don't open that door Tawny!" I scolded her, and getting images on my head of what was going on outside.  
"Please..." She looked at me and pouted.  
"You're a kinky little girl, aren't you?"  
She grinned, "I'd like to have just a little look, that's all. All I wanna know is what they're doing. I don't wanna watch...not for long, at least."  
"Well...I don't wanna see at all."  
"You don't have to see."  
I backed up and she went for the door. I covered my eyes, and heard giggling that wasn't from Tawny. The door clicked shut again, almost right after that.  
"Ren..." I felt her latch onto my arm, "It's not pretty in there either...but it's not quite as bad as downstairs."  
I covered my ears, "Don't tell me anything!"  
She pulled my hands down, "I wouldn't tell you that they were-"  
"Noooo!" I yelled and covered my ears again.  
"I'm joking, Ren." She said, taking my hands down again, and holding then this time.  
"Oh my God!" I heard Ruby scream.  
"Let's join in!" Larry shouted joyously, right after.  
Larry and Ruby got done, came in, and found the others in the living room. I felt free to assume, and was almost dead sure that I couldn't be wrong with my assumption. The threesome was about to become an orgy, and more images appeared in my mind. They looked messy, and I had to stop all this madness. Stupid hormones! Everyone seems to be getting more than me, it wasn't fair. All I've done it kiss Tawny a few times. What the hell did I think that for?! I didn't wanna do anything with her like that! Not right now! No!  
She was still holding my hands, but now she was grinning like a maniac at the scene downstairs that she couldn't even see. I pulled my hands away from her and stuffed them behind my back. I didn't wanna do anything with her. Not really. No. It was all wrong and stuff. Too much sex in my house was making me wanna have sex. It was like peer pressure, and everyone was doing it, literally. 


	6. Chapter 6

Tawny stood still and looked up at me, since I was a good bit taller than her. "Um...should we go down and stop them?"  
I nodded, taking a deep breath afterward, then following her back toward the stairs. I was very glad that she didn't ask me why I was uneager to touch her suddenly.  
"Hey! Everybody!" She stood at the top, and yelled down, attempting to get their attention.  
I didn't know what to say or do. There were three naked people, laying in confusion, one taking off his pants, and one clothed, standing and just watching everyone else, "Don't have any more sex!"  
Larry stopped with his pants at his knees and looked up. Thank God he still had his boxers on. "Huh?"  
"Everyone put your clothes on, now!" I screamed.  
"No fun..." He grumbled, pulling his pants up.  
"Just get out! All of you that are going home tonight, go! Now!"  
"But it's only 11..." Mona whined, and stretched on the floor by Louis.  
"Shut up and go. Put your clothes on first." I avoided looking at her.  
Monique scrambled to find her clothes, when she realized what was happening. Louis quickly followed her example.  
"What's all the yelling for?" I turned, and saw that Donnie had ventured out of his room, and joined Tawny and myself at the top of the stairs. I didn't hear him.  
I sighed loudly. I want out of here, and away from all of these people and everything. I leaned against the rail, and didn't look down at the naked people below, instead I just looked at my bare feet.  
Donnie noticed that I was upset or something, and wasn't as out of it as I thought he was. "I'll clean everything up, Ren." He said, and he made his way down the stairs, saying to everyone else, "Hey, before you go, let's move everything back and clean up the trash..."  
"Thanks." I mumbled, not knowing if he heard me. Larry started picking up beer cans, "Larry you're taking Mona with you, right?" I asked.  
He nodded.  
"Well go, please, as soon as you're done. Both of you."  
Mona rolled her eyes, and watched Larry stumble, drunkenly to get his stuff. She got hers and then they both left without saying anything else. Monique and Ruby sat on the couch that Donnie had moved back, ashamed of their behavior. Monique especially, who was had propped herself up on her arm, and covered her face. Ruby just sat with her hands in her lap.  
"Sorry about this..." Twitty said apologetically, coming out of Donnie's room, and then he went down the stairs to assist, I guess.  
Tawny went down the stairs as Louis was heading up them. When he passed her he said something, and she didn't respond. I couldn't hear what he said.  
"Can I talk to you?" Ruby asked me, turning around.  
I nodded, and she got up and we went into the dining room. I slowly descended the stairs and followed her. "What is it?"  
"Can I brush my teeth?"  
I blinked, "Um...yeah..." The mental pictures came back and I winced. I had almost forgotten about them. Almost. "Why'd you have to ask me?"  
She shrugged. "Do you like Tawny?"  
I froze. Why'd she have to go and ask me that now? I was doing good not thinking about for like two minutes. "I...I..."  
"Ren, I'm serious. I'm not going to get mad at your or anything like that. I just...I want to know. I've been being a complete jerk, and I'm sorry."  
"Well..."  
Ruby shook her head, "I mean like...do you like her as more than a friend?"  
"I...um...no...well, maybe...I don't know...I don't know if I've really liked anyone, and I don't want to like her...it just... "  
"Ok. Can we go to sleep now?" She seemed upset about something. I didn't feel like asking why.  
"Yeah..." I said walking out. Then I thought of something, "Do you want my bed?"  
"If you don't want it, then yeah."  
"Well...I was kind of wanting me and you to sleep in my bed."  
"You're not gonna like...touch me or anything are you?"  
I turned and glared at her, "No."  
"That was a joke...I'm sorry."  
Her tone hadn't sounded like it, "Oh..." I stopped by Monique who was still on the couch, "Do you mind sleeping on the floor with Tawny?"  
She shook her head with no enthusiasm whatsoever.  
"Ok. You and Tawny have the floor, and me and Ruby have my bed." She yawned, then got up and followed Ruby, who was going up the stairs. I looked around and didn't see Tawny anywhere. I was starting to feel a little bad for not wanting to sleep with her, but who could blame me? She'd try to touch me. No, she wouldn't. What was I worried about? Why did I all of a sudden not want to sleep near her? I walked into the kitchen to find her along with Donnie, and Twitty. "Tawny, can I have my present now?"  
"I already gave it to you...sort of, but you didn't know that it was your present." She grinned a little.  
I sighed, "I'm going to bed."  
"Wait. I'm coming too." She said.  
I wish she hadn't said that. I wish she hadn't said a lot of things. This is stupid, really stupid. All of it. I don't like her like that. I was confused. We made it to my room without saying a word. My door was open a little, and I pushed it in. Ruby was curled up on the left side of my bed and Monique was at the foot of it on the floor, already asleep. I felt even worse for not wanting to sleep with Tawny. She had no idea that I didn't want to, and probably thought that I was going to.  
She came in right after me, and said, "I'm gonna go and put my pajamas on..."  
I figure she was telling me for some reason, so I nodded, but didn't say anything. I continued to stand there until she had her clothes and took them out of the room to the bathroom. I sat on my bed, opposite of Ruby. I wanted to sleep, but I couldn't yet. I got back up, and rummaged in my closet for some blankets for Tawny. She came back is as I was spreading one out. I looked up and acknowledged her presence, then went back to what I was doing. If I wasn't sleep with her I could at least fix her a place to sleep. That would make up for it.  
"Ren?"  
"Hm?" I grabbed one of the extra pillows from my bed, and tossed it onto the floor.  
Tawny looked at the single pillow, "You don't wanna sleep with me, do you?"  
She knew. She always knew everything. "I do, but..."  
"It's ok." She stuffed the clothes she had been wearing into her bag, and sat on the floor.  
"I'm sorry." I said sleepily, throwing an extra blanket at her, and I got under the covers of my bed. I glanced over at Ruby. She had fallen asleep now too.  
"I said it was ok."  
I looked over the edge of my bed, "Tawny, I'm really tired, and I wanna just sleep, ok? Let's talk tomorrow...I need to think, but first I need to sleep."  
"Did you figure out what my present was?" She asked me, and started to adjust her blanket.  
"No...I wanna go to sleep..."  
She scooted up closer to the bed, "Are you afraid I'm gonna rape you?"  
I squinted, "Maybe..."  
"Ok. You don't trust me." She said sadly, and laid down.  
She made me feel even worse, "Damn, girl, move over." She gathered her pillow, and squirmed to the far part of the blanket on my floor. I got my pillow from my bed and got down next to her, "I do trust you...just don't touch me..."  
"I won't." She was facing away from me.  
I reached up to my bed and snatched Mr. Pookie down, and stuck him under my arm. I still had the dumb thing. He gave me some sense of security. I looked up at the ceiling, and whispered to Tawny, "I am so confused about you right now..."  
"Do you think I'm not?"  
"I know, I know."  
What would other people think? What would my parents think? That had never occurred to me. Maybe these were just normal impulses? What the fuck am I thinking? It's not normal to be attracted to your little brother's ex- girlfriend that you barely know. I guess I do know her. We talk. She was always really sweet. How the hell did this happen though? Yeah, I had steered away from boys, but that doesn't mean I steered toward girls. So confusing. I wanna go to sleep and stop thinking!  
"I'm not gonna hurt you or force you to do anything." She whispered. "I wouldn't do that to anyone."  
I looked at her. I knew that. I don't know why I was so afraid to sleep with her. She had rolled over, "Let's talk in the morning. I'm really tired..."  
She reached her hand out to touch me, but stopped, and pulled it back, "Ok."  
I smiled. She remembered that I didn't want her to touch me, of course. She always remembered everything. She was cute, very cute, and smart, and her poetry was wonderful, to me at least. How long had she liked me? I wondered. I sure had no clue she did or ever would. I rolled over onto my side and looked at her. Her eyes were closed and she was looking peaceful. I don't know if she was asleep or not, but she was really adorable laying there. What exactly was I afraid of? Maybe I just needed sleep. I felt the urge to touch her face, but I didn't. I wanted to cuddle with her like I did Mr. Pookie, but I didn't and I couldn't.  
I can't have feelings for her. No. This was far too scary for me, and far too risky. What real harm would it cause though? It was probably just some phase I was going through. Spite for boys because I'd been hurt so many times, that's what I was. Was I ever really hurt before? Being with Tawny made me feel like I was starting over and I wasn't afraid of being hurt by her. She seemed like she liked me, and I didn't want to hurt her. That was what I was scared of, I was scared of hurting her because I just might be going through a weird temporary something. 


	7. Chapter 7

I woke up, hearing rustling coming from my bed, and looked toward it. Ruby was looking over the side at me, "My head hurts." She whined, "Why'd you let me drink?"  
"You wouldn't have listened to me..." I mumbled, and rolled over so I wasn't facing her. Tawny was gone. I turned back to Ruby to ask if she knew where she went, but she had fallen back to sleep incredibly quickly. I groaned, and sat up. I'd gone to sleep in my clothes, and felt kinda nasty for it. I saw Monique's foot, and knew she was still asleep, or passed out or something. My bedroom door was open. I can't remember if I closed it or not.  
The black haired girl tip-toed back in right after that, "Morning, Ren."  
"Where'd you go?" I asked quietly.  
"Um...the bathroom. People do that once in a while."  
"Oh." I laid back down, feeling stupid. I guess I thought she left or something.  
She came and got back in her spot, "Ren?"  
"Yeah?"  
She yawned, "Did you figure out what my present was? It was really stupid."  
"No...what was it?" I yawned.  
"I'll give it to you again if you promise not to get mad at me, or hit me."  
I sat up a little, and raised an eyebrow at her, "Ok. I promise."  
"Lay back down."  
"Eh..." I did, and I was a little scared. I had no clue what she was going to do to me. I'd like it whatever it was, so I didn't ask. She carefully crawled on top of me, and sat lightly, on my hips, with her legs on either side of me. I smiled a little unsurely. I was still too tired to make much of an attempt to get her off of me. I didn't really want her off of me anyway. My head was a little less muddled, since I slept a little, but I didn't feel like passing this up, still. "Was your present you sitting on me cus I don't remember you sitting on me last night?"  
She shook her head, then gently laid down on me. Her chest was barely touching mine, and she supported herself with her elbows. She looked me over. With one hand she slowly put my loose hair behind each of my ears. Then she held her face close to mine. She was sure dragging this out, very evilly. I wished she would kiss me already. I knew she was going to. That had been my present. She was a dork, and obviously liked me long before I even started to play with the thought. At that second, she covered my mouth with hers. She nibbled on my bottom lip, and playfully poked at it with her tongue. I grabbed onto the collar of her shirt with both of my hands, and pulled her closer to me.  
"I'd offer you two a condom right now, but neither of you have the equipment that they're needed for." Ruby said, somewhat deliriously.  
She stopped what she was doing and looked up. I let go of her, and smiled at Ruby innocently. Tawny laughed an evil laugh and started to kiss me again, but I rolled her off of me, and then pulled the blanket up over our heads. We laid close together, and looked at each other in the near darkness.  
"You have really pretty eyes." I said for lack of anything else to say, and since I seemed to notice them often.  
"Are you trying to seduce me?" She squinted.  
"Um...no?"  
"Stop the sappiness then." She said, poking at me with one finger. "You know I'm not all into the sappy stuff..."  
"What if I am trying to seduce you?"  
She smiled and got closer to me. She rubbed my neck and right shoulder, which were extremely tense, "You don't have to try. I don't think I could refuse to do anything for you."  
I took a deep breath, "This is so scary. I'm really nervous, and...I dunno."  
"Ren...don't worry..." She whispered, and moved closer to me, then put her arms around my waist, "I promise that I'm just as scared as you...just...let's just...take everything slow until we figure it out."  
I nodded, but then asked, "How slow?" and I started to play with her hair. It was soft and smelled faintly of strawberry shampoo. I let my fingers of my one hand tangle themselves in it. She nuzzled my neck with her nose. It tickled, and I began to tamper with the buttons of her pajama shirt, having lost interest in her hair. "How slow, Tawny?"  
"What're you doing?" She asked cutely. "Did I say you could do that?"  
"Um...I am...making sure all of your buttons are firmly...um...attached..."  
"Uh huh." She moved around and started to lift up my shirt, exposing just my stomach. She placed on of her hands on my bare side. Her fingers were a little cold as she ran them gently along my back. "And right now, I'm looking for fleas."  
"I don't have fleas."  
She stuck out her tongue, grinned, then kissed me again. My hands were shaking as I unbuttoned the top button of her shirt. I couldn't stop though. Everything was a blur. Her tongue was massaging mine, and I was trying to blindly get rid of the buttons. She wound up on top of me again. Domineering little girl. I felt her heart beating against my chest. She was taking advantage of my tiredness now! I'm tired! Not awake enough to make wise decisions! If I'm thinking that, then I must be pretty coherent. Damn. I suck at talking myself out of things, especially when I don't really want to.  
I made it down to the last button, and she pulled away from me. I opened my eyes, and looked at her face. She looked down at me with her eyes half closed, and was breathing heavily. I blinked and looked from side to side pointlessly, wanting her to say something first.  
"So...Ren..." She looked down at herself, "You've managed to check all of my buttons, I suppose..." With one hand she grabbed her shirt and held it closed for there was nothing under it but her.  
"I...didn't mean to." I looked behind her now, instead of looking at her. Still nervous about seeing boobs, I was, I suppose, "You left my door open!"  
Turning back she said, "Oh, I did, didn't I?"  
"Get off me, quick." I grabbed her shoulders, and shoved her back so I could get up. I jumped over Monique's foot, and shut the door, then turned and let out a big sigh of relief, "My parents could have walked by and like saw us."  
"They're not home." She was laying on her back, looking at me upside down, and trying to rebutton her shirt, which I had gone through a lot of trouble to unbutton, "Sorry...it's only like 7 o'clock so...I'm gonna go back to sleep if you like...don't wanna do...anything. You still look tired."  
"Ok. Whatever." I shrugged, and leaned against the now shut door. "You're buttoning your shirt all crooked." I pointed.  
She looked at herself again, "Well...I sure am." She paused, then looked back at me, grinning, "Wanna help?"  
Should I help the girl button her shirt? I wondered. She didn't really need help, but I had indeed gone through a lot of trouble to unbutton it, after all, and I had gotten nothing for it. What did I want for it?! She's so damn white, that she shouldn't have any tan lines. I wanted to see if she was any whiter on any certain parts. Okay, that was weird. I looked at her again, and she was sitting up, looking at me with her crooked shirt, waiting for some response. The girl was so fucking kinky! "Yeah. I guess I'll help you, since you obviously need it, and I'm good at...well...everything."  
"Ha!" She said loudly, then quieted herself and looked at Ruby who was still unconscious.  
"They're both completely out. Don't worry about them." I said, sitting down in front of her. I reached for the top button again. It was in the second buttonhole. She did it on purpose. She wanted me to do this for God knows how long. It was planned! She giggled. "Tawny, you're not the giggly type...it scares me when you do it."  
"I wasn't giggling. I was snickering, for your information."  
"Alright." I went for the next button and the next one until they were undone and her pale blue shirt hung conveniently over everything I was tempted to look at, at the moment. "Ya know, Tawny..." I said and put my hands in my lap, while looking at her chest and pondering a little what it would look like without the shirt on, "Bobby and everybody...all the guys I've gone out with, even in middle school, I always wanted to kiss them really bad and wasn't afraid to do it except that I didn't know how, but you...I wanna kiss you and all, and other stuff...but I'm scared to."  
"It's cus I'm a girl, isn't it? Why the hell don't you look at my face instead of my chest when you're talking?"  
I looked up, found her glaring at me, and looked around, then shrugged nonchalantly. "Remember how I wanted to jump on you and rip your clothes off last night?"  
"No. I forgot all about that. Girls tell me that all the time." She said sarcastically.  
"Well...I'd still like to do that..." I twiddled my thumbs like the loser that I am.  
"Slow, Ren, slow. We talked about it a few minutes ago. We were gonna take this slooooooow."  
"Shut up. We're talking way too much." I grumbled. My messed up hormones were taking over more and more. I slowly reached for her shirt, and began to slide it down her shoulders. I was revoltingly nervous, so nervous that my stomach was feeling gross. It was nothing I hadn't seen before. I stared at her face, and she let her shirt fall off of her arms.  
"You were staring at my boobs when my shirt was covering them. Why are you not looking at them now?"  
She was so harsh. I crawled up to her and kissed her neck. I felt her hands rubbing my back, and I continued with her neck. Her hands started picking at my bra, which I had also slept in. She wanted it off of me.  
"God, you fucking weirdo." She managed to spit out, "You slept with your bra on."  
I forced her down into the jumbled blankets, then reached back and unhitched my own bra. I pulled one strap off of my arm, then pulled the other one, and got it off, rather quickly. I tossed it toward my bed, "Happy?"  
"Never." She grinned stupidly biting on her own tongue. "You don't have any boobs anyway. There's no real point in you wearing one."  
"Shut up." I growled, and put her earlobe in my mouth.  
"Damn...you get all feisty...when...someone insults your lack of...of boobs...I like it...I'll do it more often..."  
I started to run my hands down the front of her, and she buried her hands in my hair, and guided my lips to hers, then once she had me where she wanted me, she put her hands up the back of my shirt. She moved them around to the front and touched the sides of my breasts with her thumbs. Damn, she was good with her hands, but was doing so little. It was very fascinating to me.  
Carefully, I moved my own hands to her breasts. I cupped them, and continued to kiss her. I didn't know what to do, other than do something that I thought I would like since we were both girls. I squeezed them gently, loving how they felt. I ran my thumb over one of her nipples, and she moaned, very quietly. I broke the kiss, and backed up to look at her, while I groped her, which I thought I would never do.  
Her eyes were closed, and her mouth was partially open. Her chest was rising and falling as she took in air. I took my hands away from her. Hers were resting on the sides of my lower back underneath my shirt. She opened her eyes slightly, when she realized that my hands had moved from their places.  
"Ren..." She whispered.  
"Oh my dear God!" Monique squealed, "Please let me be dreaming! Please let me be dreaming!"  
Tawny covered herself with her arm and raised her head to look toward Monique just as I turned to do the same. My poor cheerleader friend was sitting up, with her hand over her eyes.  
"Where's my shirt?" Tawny hissed.  
"You're laying on it." I hissed back.  
"Am I that damn pale?!" She yelled, pulling her shirt out from under her.  
I got off of her, "Um...Monique?"  
She peeked between her fingers, "Oh my gosh, Ren. I thought you were just having sex with Tawny."  
I forced a little laugh, "No, we weren't having sex." I said, and scratched my head, "I fell on her."  
"That's what they all say!" She flopped back down, her face out of view behind my bed again.  
I looked back at Tawny. She put her shirt back on, and was hugging her pillow trying not to laugh, "She had sex with Louis, and her little clone-buddy last night...I don't think she remembers."  
Smacking myself in the forehead, I muttered, "You just had to remind me, didn't you?"  
She laughed, "I'm sorry. Really. She interrupted us...it's quite a pity."  
"Yeah," I sighed, "We weren't just having sex, but we might have had she not said something..." I was half glad she had said something, but I also wished that she hadn't, just a little.  
"Do you really think we would've ended up having sex?" She asked curiously.  
I shrugged, and crawled back to Mr. Pookie and my designated spot by my bed. 


	8. Chapter 8

It seemed like I had just fallen back to sleep when I opened my eyes and squinted. It was more bright than it had been before, and my mom's head was poking in the door. I stretched, and looked around. I was on the floor where I had been the last time I remembered.  
"How was your party, honey?" She whispered.  
I grimaced. I didn't feel like rolling over and looking at my clock, "What time is it?"  
"It's 10:40, we just got home."  
10:40. Blah. I slept very late, and felt guilty. "I'm coming down...right now in a minute."  
"Ok. I'll make you some breakfast if you want anything."  
"Nah."  
"Are you gonna wake your friends up?"  
I stretched again, "I'll just let them sleep."  
"Alright. Sounds like a plan." She backed out and shut my door quietly.  
I laid there and stared at my ceiling. My head was feeling substantially clearer now that I slept, but I didn't feel like thinking about anything quite yet because I was sure it would cause a jumbled mass of confusion. Maybe everything dwelling in the back of my mind was a dream. I got up, and grabbed some clean clothes from my closet, then glanced back at Tawny. I felt compelled to adjust her blanket a bit more. She looked very content as she slept. She probably was considering what we did a few hours earlier. I sat my clothes down and pulled the blanket over her arms and up to her chin. Smiling a little, I proceeded to the bathroom.  
After showering I ventured downstairs and into the kitchen. My mom was making some bacon, despite the fact that I said I didn't want anything. My eyes flitted around the room. All the windows were closed.  
"I know you told me that you didn't want anything, Ren, but this is for everyone else." She said, not turning around.  
"Ok." I yawned, and sat at the table, across from my dad, who was reading the paper.  
He looked up, "Good morning."  
I nodded, and folded my arms on the table. As the smell of bacon drifted to me, I asked, "Are all the doors locked?"  
"Yes, Ren, they are." My dad answered.  
"Ok. Good."  
"Why?"  
"You know why."  
"Oh...oh yes, I do." He shook his paper and went back to reading it.  
"Hi Ren!"  
I turned, startled. "Beans!"  
My mother turned around from the stove, "How does he get in here?"  
"I really don't know..." My dad, sighed.  
"I smelled bacon." The round boy sniffed the air, and moved toward the plate of bacon on the counter by the stove.  
"No, Beans! Don't touch that! It's for Ren's friends when they come down." My mom shook the greasy tongs at him, and tried to shoo him away from the plate of greasy, simmering pork.  
"Can I lick the tongs, please?" He whined.  
"No!"  
My dad laughed.  
Beans sighed, and turned his attention to me, "So...who's here?"  
"Uh...Twitty, Ruby, Monique, and Tawny."  
He nodded, and then squinted like he was thinking very hard. He touched his chin, then nodded, "Oh. I see."  
"See what?"  
"Can I have just one piece of bacon?" He pleaded.  
I sighed, "Just one. Then go home."  
He snatched up a piece of bacon, then said, "But I don't wanna...I wanna hang out with Louis..."  
I rolled my eyes. Louis was probably going to have a hangover, and would want the kid around less than he normally wants him around. "Why don't you go hang out with Tom or something?"  
"Because Tom is a dork, and Louis is way cooler." He nibbled the bacon.  
Louis was so not cool. "Well..." I gave in, not feeling like arguing with the weird boy, "Fine."  
He smirked, and wandered off into another part of the house.  
"Oh, Ren, Nelson called before you came down. He said that he had an allergic reaction to some soap and his skin was coming off like he had Leprosy." My dad said to me, calmly.  
I winced, "You didn't have to go into all that detail."  
"Sorry, honey. He said he would come by around lunch time, and give you your present. I told him not to come if he was still leaving chunks of skin behind whenever he walked anywhere."  
"Ok. Thanks dad."  
"Yep. No problem. I don't want chunks of skin everywhere anymore than you do." He folded the paper, and then sipped his coffee, calmly.  
Tawny shuffled into the kitchen, fully dressed, and looked around, happily, "Hello, Stevens family."  
My parents both turned and looked at her oddly.  
She froze in place, "What?"  
Shrugging, my dad went back to his coffee.  
"You just seem...very...uh...what's the word?" My mom pondered for a moment, "Happy."  
"Is a girl not allowed to be happy once in a while?" She passed me and went for the counter, "Ooh. Bacon. That reminds me, Beans is chewing on the curtains in the living room."  
"Oh dear." My mom said, frustrated, "Help yourself to the bacon, Tawny." She piled a few more pieces onto the plate, then put the pan in the sink, and scurried quickly out. "Steve, come help me! His braces are caught again!"  
He grumbled something, sat his cup down, and exited the kitchen as well. I looked back at Tawny, and smiled. She snatched up the plate and brought it to the table, sitting it in the middle, and not looking at me at all, which was a little disappointing to me. Then she hopped up onto the island, not far from where I was sitting with a piece in her hand.  
"Do you think they know?" She asked.  
"How could they know?" I got up and went over and stood in front of her.  
She shrugged, and popped her last bit of bacon into her mouth.  
The counter she was on was about waist high, and behind where she was sitting, still bared the scar of Louis carving their names into it. My dad had tried to fill it back in with something, but it didn't quite work. I moved a little closer, and leaned onto it between her knees. I rested my arms on her legs while she licked her fingers.  
"How long you think they'll be in there?" She ran one of her hands through my hair.  
"The last time Beans got his braces caught in the curtains, it took them about half an hour to get him loose."  
"Hmm...him getting braces was a very good thing."  
"Yeah, I think so." I said, moving my hands to her waist, and starting to kiss her. I heard the door open behind me, pulled away, and shoved her backwards with a lot of force, unintentionally causing her to fall off of the other side of the bar. She hit the floor with a thump, and I grimaced, then turned around and leaned against it as if nothing had happened.  
I found my mom standing in the open door with a raised eyebrow, "Did I interrupt something? I just came in here looking for some scissors..."  
"Oh no. There's nothing to interrupt here. It's not like Tawny and I were...doing anything...wrong. She was just...uh...sitting on the counter, and I know how you don't like people sitting there, so...I...uh..." I made a pushing motion with my arms, "I pushed her off."  
"I'm ok!" She yelled from the floor. "I won't do it again!"  
"Oh ok." Said my mom, seeming to buy it, "Now...where did I put those scissors?" She stepped over Tawny, and began rummaging through drawers. "I know! Donnie took them to his room to cut some...something." She made her way back out of the kitchen.  
I looked around the island to the floor where Tawny was laying. "I'm really sorry about that."  
"It's perfectly ok."  
"Should I help you up or something? Are you sure you're alright?"  
She shook her head and sat up, rubbing her back, "It's just a concussion, and a few pinched nerves."  
"I could maybe kiss it and make it better?"  
She laughed, and stood up, kinda shaking her head, and still rubbing her back. "Maybe later, not when you have parental units in the next room. That was really risky moments ago...not like you at all."  
"Heh...I...uh...I dunno..."  
"Well...alright then. Do you plan on telling them anytime soon?"  
"Ah...I don't think like today or anything like that...I'll tell them...eventually..."  
"Ok. How do you think they'll take it?" She walked by me and sat at the table with the bacon.  
I followed her and sat back where I had been sitting, "I dunno...I don't think they'll kill me. Hey wait, I'm not even sure about all this, yet."  
"You were the one wanting to kiss me a few minutes ago. I didn't force you to, or anything. Doesn't that tell you something?"  
"It tells me that my hormones are screwed up." I said, trying to come up with a more logical explanation than me liking her.  
"Oh shut up, Ren." She took a bite of a piece of bacon.  
"Don't talk to me like that, you...you..."  
"Me what? Get over your denial crap, and make up your mind."  
"I can't just make up my mind about something like this." I hissed, and wondered why she was talking about this right now because I had been in a pretty content mood, not thinking about it, though I had just tried to kiss her. I hadn't really been thinking about anything, and kissing her seemed like a good thing to do at the moment.  
"Either you like me or you don't."  
"I don't know."  
"Do too."  
"Don't argue with me."  
"I'm not, you're arguing with me. What do you want?"  
I sighed, "I wanna...kiss you, Tawny..."  
She rolled her eyes, "I don't want to just kiss you and touch you and all that, and I don't want to be involved with you if that's all you want."  
"It's not all I want...but-"  
"Beans is free." My dad said, and walked back in, interrupting our conversation, "It seems like he'd learn not to chew on the curtains now that he has braces. I bet my coffee's cold now..." He picked up his cup and took a sip, "Yep." He then moved to the microwave to heat it.  
My mom reentered the room shortly after, "Why is everyone sleeping so late? I figured Donnie would get up when he smelled food."  
"We...uh..." I started.  
"Stayed up pretty late last night after everyone else left." Tawny said, quickly.  
"They can heat their bacon up, I suppose. Beans'll eat it all once his mouth stops hurting if they don't hurry."  
"Nelson should be here soon." My dad said, to keep the conversation going, for some reason.  
"Did Louis and Alan get into a fight? Alan's asleep in Donnie's room..." My mother started to run water to wash the dishes she had made.  
"I dunno..." I mumbled, remembering them the night before.  
"Ren, after Nelson leaves, do you wanna go and see Tom or something?" Tawny asked.  
"Yeah...sure..."  
"Is something the matter, Ren?" Asked my dad, obviously noticing my severe lack of enthusiasm.  
I shook my head.  
"We haven't given you your present."  
"Oh yeah!"  
"Well, Eileen, let's go get the girl her present."  
"C'mon Ren." She said, and they went outside.  
I followed unsurely, and Tawny followed as well, but far behind the rest of us.  
"Why's your car not in the garage?" I asked them, as we made our way around to the front.  
"You'll see." My mom said grinning, as my dad opened the garage, slowly exposing a shiny, red Jeep.  
Me in a Jeep. Ren Stevens in a Jeep. I squealed, and could picture Tawny behind me rolling her eyes at my girlish excitement over something as stupid and materialistic as a vehicle. I didn't stop though, and I jumped up and down. "Thanks mom! Thanks dad!" I ran over and hugged them both, "You're the greatest parents in the world!"  
"Now you two can drive to see Tom." My dad laughed. "The keys are in it, and it was in the garage since yesterday while you were at school."  
"Oh my gosh!" I ran to the driver's side, got in, and just sat there, clutching the steering wheel. I looked everything over and touched the seats, and the dash. It was so new and pretty.  
"So, Ren, you've got your license?" Tawny was leaning over the seat next to me with the door open.  
"Yeah! I got it on my birthday!" I was still squealing happily. "And now I have something to drive with my license!"  
"Can I get in and be the first person in the passenger's seat with you, or would that be bad for your reputation or whatever?" She asked, and I looked around for my parents, "They went back in the house."  
"Get in. I'm sorry about everything. It's not about my reputation."  
"Right." She got in and sat in the passenger's seat.  
"Seriously Tawny. It wouldn't affect my reputation. No one'll say anything to me. It's just that it's...weird."  
"Weird? That's the best you can up with?"  
"Yes, it's weird to me."  
"What's so weird about two people that care about each other being together?"  
"Tawny, just stop, alright? Maybe I don't like you, maybe I'm just curious or something."  
She sighed, "Maybe I'm pressuring you-"  
"Yes, you are." I didn't want to let her finish. I just wanted her to stop.  
"You keep fluctuating in how you feel, or at least you're acting like it. After this morning, I thought you had made up your mind."  
"No, what happened this morning made me more confused."  
"Dammit, I told you I wanted to go slow, and you're the one that unbuttoned my shirt, seconds after we talked about it. Then you wanted to kiss me earlier, and now you don't like me. Stop playing with me. Either you like me or you don't. Do you understand?"  
I leaned my forehead onto the steering wheel, "I'm confused, Tawny!"  
"We already established that! I thought we would help each other through it!"  
"Just stop, ok? Stop now."  
"Stop what?"  
"Everything."  
"God, Ren, I can't just stop everything."  
"Why not?"  
"Because I like you, and I can't stop that."  
Why were we yelling? Why was I so scared? What was wrong with me? Why was this so fucking confusing?  
"Ren, what the hell do you want? I care about what you want, and I want you to have whatever it is that you want."  
I still rested my head on the steering wheel, but I turned it a little to look at her. She was looking straight ahead of her with her arms crossed, "Tawny...right now what I want is...you...but I don't know if I'm gonna want you for very long, and I want us to stop yelling at each other...and I want to know what I want for sure..."  
She rubbed her forehead, "This gave me a headache."  
"I'm sorry...and I'm sorry that I'm being so difficult too..."  
Turning her head, she smiled a little, "I can handle it. I do like you, after all. If you don't want to be in a real relationship just yet, then...well...I'll wait as long as you don't go and do anything stupid."  
"What exactly do you consider stupid?"  
"You running off and having sex with some guy to get you over me or something like that."  
I sat up and squinted, "Damn, girl...I wouldn't do that."  
She shrugged, "Should we go back in now and see if everyone's up, or what?"  
"In a minute..."  
"Why in a minute?"  
"We need to have a serious conversation about everything one day...to try and sort it out. At least I need too."  
"We sure can't do it in a minute."  
"I know that. I wanna do it in a few days...whenever. Not today. I wanna think all by myself for a little while."  
"Ok." She reached for the handle to open the door.  
"Wait."  
"Yeah?"  
"Ah...nevermind."  
She reached for the handle again. "Ok."  
"Wait."  
She turned back around, "Yes, Ren?"  
"Nothing. Get out before I tell you to wait again." I wanted to kiss her, and to touch her again, so much, but I couldn't, not now.  
Someone opened the door from the house, leading to the garage, and I looked. It was Ruby. "Ren? Where do you keep the Tylenol?"  
I took the keys out of the ignition, and said, "Look in the cabinet in my bathroom."  
"Ok..." She mumbled, and started to walk away, but turned back around, "Whose Jeep is that?"  
"Mine." I said, opening the door and getting out.  
"Did Tawny give it to you?"  
Tawny laughed loudly.  
"Uh...no, Ruby, it's from my parents."  
"I knew that, but my head hurts and I got confused..." She went back inside, and Tawny and I followed her to find that everyone else was up and around too, at least a little. 


	9. Chapter 9

Ruby stumbled back up the stairs, and the various other people were laying about the living room. Donnie, Twitty, and Beans were eating the bacon, and no one else was up for any food. I sat on the couch by Monique to turn the TV on, but she swatted the channel changer out of my hand, "No TV, Ren. It hurts my head."  
"Sorry." I apologized, "Go upstairs and take some medicine."  
"Shhhh! Don't talk either, it hurts my head too, and could you maybe...turn the sun down a little bit?"  
"Sorry." I whispered, then got up to go into the kitchen. Tawny was in there, getting something to drink out of the refrigerator.  
"I just can't get away from you, can I?" She said, smiling slightly.  
I shot her a small glare, "You, shut up."  
"You followed me in here."  
"I did not!" I protested. "I left from in there because Monique has a headache.  
"Uh huh." She sat down at the table, and looked at things around the room.  
Twitty poked his head in, "Hey...Tawny...can I talk to you?"  
"Sure."  
I stood back at the sink and pretended not to be paying attention.  
"I got kinda drunk last night, yeah?" He asked her, sitting down by her at the table.  
She nodded.  
"I woke up in Donnie's room this morning."  
She nodded, "You and Louis get in a fight?"  
"Ah...not that I can remember. I was hoping you remembered."  
"Well...gee, Twitty...what I remember is..." She snickered a little, "You and Donnie were...err...getting quite friendly."  
Twitty banged his head on the table a few times, "Damn...damn...damn..."  
"And that would be one of the reasons why people shouldn't drink and smoke pot, and do whatever else you guys did up there before you came down."  
"Damn..." He mumbled once more, then ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "All I can remember is going up and getting high, then coming down, having loads of fun doing I don't know what...something about liking you...the cake...then playing spin the bottle, and truth or dare...then it gets all fuzzy-like...and then everything's kinda blank...I woke up in Donnie's room in my boxers..."  
"Alan, have you talked to Donnie?"  
"Dude...what all did I do?" He asked, spazing out even more, and not answering her question.  
"Alan...you'd rather not know, trust me."  
He put his hands in his hair again. His eyes were wide, "Man, I don't even have a hangover like almost everyone else, and I'm all awake and stuff..."  
"Twitty, calm yourself." She put her hand on his shoulder, "At least you can't get pregnant."  
"That's just sick, Tawny! There's other stuff, I could get though...it's just..." He twitched, and pulled away from her, "Dude...the pot must've had a weird reaction with me and the beer...I'm never doing both again..."  
"That's good, Twitty."  
"Man, I should go home, and rest or something...I dunno...I just...yeah...gonna go home..." He got up, and looked around as if he forgot how to get out of the house. His eyes passed over me, "Hi Ren...I'm leaving. Tell Louis I left...gonna get my stuff...go home...home...Gotta go...Bye." He left the room in a hurry.  
I crossed my arms and leaned against the counter, wondering how everyone else would react once sober and without hangovers to distract them. Twitty and Donnie was more funny now that completely disgusting. Maybe it was just because Twitty was freaking out about it. Poor Twitty was a perfect example of why drugs and alcohol were detrimental when done irresponsibly. I wondered where my parents had gone. They suddenly vanished. I walked back across the kitchen, without glancing at Tawny, and I said, "Donnie, can you come in here a minute?"  
"Yeah. Sure, Ren. Lemme finish off this bacon." He stuffed the last piece into his mouth before Beans could get his little hands on it. Then got up and brought the plate with him. He didn't seem to have a hangover either.  
We walked over to the sink, where he began to wash it, and I asked him, "Do you remember anything from last night?"  
"Well...yeah, I brought her stuff...um...we ate some food, played some games, then I cleaned up and went to bed..."  
Tawny laughed.  
He turned back to look at her, "What?"  
"Well...Donnie, do you remember anything having to do with a certain friend of your little brother's?" I asked, trying to spark his memory, which was hard to spark normally.  
"Oooh. You and Tawny." He laughed, and elbowed me, "Yeah. I remember."  
"No!" I hissed, and punched him in his arm.  
"Oh...was I dreaming, or like...what?"  
"Tawny is a whole nother subject. Twitty. What about Twitty?"  
"He was in my room this morning, and I remember us hanging out a lot last night cus Louis was doing other stuff. He's cool, isn't he, Tawny? You know him pretty well."  
She shrugged, "Not quite as well as you do."  
"Wha?" He started to dry his hands on a dishtowel. "If you two are trying to get the point across that you don't want me to tell anybody about you two, then I completely understand. Now stop messing with my head, you're hurting my brain."  
"Just forget it, Donnie. Go on your way."  
He shrugged, then left.  
"Maybe they both repressed everything." Tawny suggested, "Cus they liked it." She cackled a little.  
"Bah. You just think everyone's gay or something just because you are."  
"Do not."  
"You do."  
"You just wanna argue with me for some reason."  
I stormed out of the room. She was annoying me. That's why she was Louis' friend. He was annoying too and could put up with her. She was so annoying, yet I wanted her so bad. She was just annoying because I wanted her. No. I sat in the chair of the shadowy room, and picked at my fingernails. Someone had closed the curtains. Donnie had gone elsewhere, along with Louis and Beans. Ruby and Monique were at either end of the couch rubbing their temples.  
"Ren..." Ruby whined, "Why'd you let me drink?"  
"We already went over it. You would not have listened to me."  
"I know...but...on the bright side, me and Larry did get a little closer."  
"Please, don't talk about that!" I closed my eyes and fought back the images, which weren't humorous at all, just disgusting.  
"Awww Ren, you're just going through sex withdrawals because you didn't get any last night."  
"Ruby!" I snapped, "I can't be when I've never had sex before!"  
"Oh yeah...I keep forgetting that you're a virgin."  
"Shut up!" Monique hissed.  
"Why don't you go and take some Tylenol, so you won't be all cranky?" Ruby asked her, leaning over onto her elbow, next to her on the couch, and looking up at her.  
"Why don't you go...and...go and blow Larry Beale?!"  
"I already have!" She laughed loudly.  
Monique laughed as well, but stopped quickly, and grabbed her head, "Ow..."  
"Ya know who's hot?" Ruby turned her attention back to me, sitting up, "Donnie is hot."  
Now that was disgusting. "Ruby, he's my brother! He's not hot!"  
"Oh yes, he is."  
"No, Ruby! He's my brother! It's wrong!"  
"He's still hot." She crossed her arms.  
I gagged.  
"C'mon. If he wasn't your brother, you would think he was hot."  
"No, no I wouldn't."  
"If I can interrupt for just a moment," Monique began, "I coulda sworn that I woke up this morning, and Tawny and Ren were doing it."  
"No. No. No!" I stood up, and shouted, "Don't say that out loud, and we weren't anyway. Just stop." I found myself getting very offended, and frightened that people knew, and remembered. "You must've been dreaming or something."  
"I think I was."  
There was a brief moment of complete silence, before Ruby added in her two cents, "No, because I remember asking you if you liked Tawny, and-"  
"No! No! No! Do not say anything like that out loud, ever. My parents are home, and no. Just no, alright?!"  
"Ren, calm down. You're being louder than we are." Monique stated. "You're giving me a headache.  
I hated how she said my name! Her voice was so annoying! I don't know how she didn't give herself a headache on a day-to-day basis. I started to stomp up the stairs to my room, but the doorbell rang as I got to them. It was Nelson. I turned back and opened the door, "Come in."  
He stepped inside. He was sorta red. Well, really red. It looked kinda he was sunburnt very badly. If he weren't dark, then the redness would have been far worse. "It's a good thing, I'm wearing long sleeves," He stated, "It helps to hold my skin in place, and stops it from ending up on your floor."  
"Oy..." I winced, and my arms started to tingle like my own skin was going to start falling off. I didn't think people could get rashes from soap that were that bad. At least I knew he washed himself.  
"Here's your present." He handed me a box, "I'm sorry I couldn't make it last night. I didn't wanna call and interrupt because I thought it would be inconsiderate if I did. How was your party anyway?"  
"It could've been better." I mumbled, and took the top off of the square box. "Ya know, Larry said almost the exact same thing about you that you just said about yourself." I laughed a little, and pulled out the small, purple puppy that he'd gotten for me. Stuffed animals. I like them. They're cute. It would be a nice addition to my collection on top of my dresser. "You're so predictable, Nelson."  
"Um..." Nelson squinted, and a strange expression crossed his face that I couldn't read very well.  
"What is it?" I asked, holding tightly onto the box and the little animal, a feeling of dread coming over me.  
"I take it no one told you about the accident?"  
"What accident?" Ruby asked before I could. She got up and came over to us.  
"Um...well..." Nelson swallowed hard, and rubbed the back of his head with one hand, "I...I really don't think I should be the person to tell you...It was on the news and...um...I figured you already knew..."  
"Knew what? What's going on?" Monique asked. She had finally picked up on the conversation.  
"What happened, Nelson?" I asked, substantially more worried.  
"Well...you see...ap-ap-pparently..." He stuttered.  
"Spit it out!" Ruby screamed, panicked, as I was, but she reacted differently to it.  
"Th-there was a car accident last night...and...and...Larry and...Mona..."  
"Oh God..." I muttered helplessly, and dropped everything in my hands.  
"They... ran head on into another car...they...they...both died instantly..." There were tears welling up in Nelson's eyes. "La-Larry was drunk..."  
Ruby screamed. Maybe she screamed something, but I think she just screamed. All I could do was stand there shaken. I didn't know what to do. What could I do? Nothing. I felt sick and disgusting, and like it was my fault. I shouldn't have made them leave early. It wouldn't have happened had I not made them leave early. I was a murderer.  
My parents ran out of their room, and everyone came from whenever they were and tried to figure out what happened. Someone explained, I don't know who. Monique said she was gonna be sick and ran off. Everything swirled, and I stood there in the middle, dazed, and confused. Everyone mumbled around me, but I couldn't understand anything they were saying.  
I felt someone's hand gently grab a hold of one of mine that was hanging limp at my side as I stared at the door behind Nelson. They had gone out that door, and now I'd never see them again. They were gone. It was my fault. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't because it was my fault. One of my parents had to be holding my hand, seeing how disheveled I was. It must be one of my parents. I turned a little. Blue eyes stared up and at me, and pierced me. Those damned eyes!  
"I'm sorry, Ren..." She blinked, sadly, "You dropped your puppy..." She tried to push it into my other hand, but I wouldn't take it. I couldn't move my hand to grab it.  
An incomprehensible surge of emotion rushed through me. Too may emotions to handle at once. Too much of a blend of opposite things. Love. Sadness. Blame. Hatred. Anger. Tawny. She wasn't an emotion, but she was right there causing emotions always. It was her fault. I wouldn't have told them to leave had it not been for her, had it not been for my "confusion", my wanting to be with her of all people, wanting to touch her and not worry about anyone else. I moved with speed and shoved her as hard as I could, a lot harder than I had earlier. Earlier I wanted to put space between us so that nothing bad would happen, but this time I wanted to hurt her, really hurt her. 


	10. Chapter 10

Tawny looked up at me from her place on the floor where she landed. She'd fallen onto her back and slid on the hardwood. Her eyes were filled with tears and her face with confusion. She still clutched my stuffed puppy in her hand, but not for long. She stood up and let it fall, then ran past everyone and up the stairs. She was going to get her stuff, and was really leaving this time. As she passed me I could see that she had skinned her elbows, and her white skin was flecked with pink and red.  
I saw Ruby sitting on the couch crying. I went to her, and put my arms around her. Pushing Tawny out of my mind. Even though she was annoying at times, she was my best friend, and I was always there to help her. I was right there for her when Dex broke up with her, and I was going to be right there with her now. The actual situation wasn't sinking in. I don't know why. It was like I wasn't sure whether or not I was asleep or awake, and that I could wake up at any time and everything would be like it was. That's what it was, a dream. This wasn't really happening. If it was then I'd be more upset right now.  
"I wanna go home now..." She sobbed into my arm.  
"Let's go call your parents to come get you." I whispered, and attempted to help her to her feet. She was trembling uncontrollably. My arm was damp from her crying.  
"I can't believe this happened...it couldn't have...they were just here..."  
"I know. I know." I said, leading her toward the phone on the far side of the room.  
"Tawny, wait, and I'll give you a ride." I heard my mom say in the distance. Then the door slammed.  
I left Ruby at the phone and went to tend to Monique, who had come out of the bathroom with tears streaming down her cheeks. I couldn't cry because I was Ren, the sensible one who was rational, and sensible, and made sense of things. That was why I wasn't crying. I didn't let my head get clouded by things in times of crises, when a clear mind was most needed.  
Before I made it to her, my dad intercepted, "Honey, you're looking really pale. You should go lay down, then we'll all talk, ok?"  
"Talk?"  
He nodded, firmly.  
It was my fault. He was blaming me. It wasn't my fault it was Tawny's. I ended up in my room in what seemed like seconds, on my bed with jumbled sheets because Ruby hadn't made it. There were still blankets and pillows on the floor. I hadn't picked them up.  
I closed my eyes. I was so fucking sensible and my mind was so clear that I pushed Tawny. No, shoved Tawny. It was so not me, so far from me. I'd never physically hurt anyone. I had threatened to hurt Louis, but he was my brother, but Tawny? What had Tawny really done, ever, to deserve what I did to her? Larry and Mona were dead, and not coming back, and it wasn't making it to my head where it could properly affect me, and make me cry. Why wasn't it sinking in?! It wasn't real. It was a dream. Yes, Ren, it was a dream.  
"Ren?"  
I opened my eyes, and realized Louis was calling me. "Huh?"  
He came and sat on my bed, "I'm sorry about everything that's been going on, and all..."  
"Thanks for reminding me that it wasn't a dream..." I groaned and rolled over onto my stomach.  
"I think we're in trouble..."  
I squinted, "Why? What for?"  
"Because Larry was drinking...here..."  
"Oh shit..." I crammed my face into a pillow. It was my fault.  
He nodded, "This sucks so bad..."  
I sighed, and realized how very bad this was. Two of my friends were dead, I was going to get in trouble for not drinking, and Tawny...hell with Tawny.  
"Man, this is so unreal...they were like...here...then gone...and we were like...some of the last people to talk to them...It seems all wrong..."  
"Louis, just shut up." This was real. It was all real. "It's Tawny's fault."  
"How's it her fault?"  
I blinked the tears away that were coming. They weren't sad tears, they were angry ones. "I made them leave early because of her."  
"What?"  
I sighed. I couldn't tell him. He wouldn't get it. There was nothing to get though, I was confused about something stupid, "Just nothing. It's her fault."  
"You can't blame her for a fucking head-on collision that happened miles from here, dude."  
"Get out of my room, Louis!"  
"But-"  
"Get out!"  
In a few seconds I heard my door click shut. Stupid Tawny! Stupid fucking Tawny! I buried my face far into the pillow and cried. I hated her. I hated everyone. Larry and I had just started to get along, and he was a nice guy. I wasted all those years in middle school, and it was disgusting. Why was I so stupid? Why was everyone so stupid? We all wasted so much time, and people could be gone just as soon as they were there. I didn't value the time I spent with him, or with Mona, or with anyone. I spent so much time with school work, and with myself.  
"Ren, can you come down here?" Mom called.  
I got up and went down to the living room. Donnie and Louis were on one of the couches and our parents were on the other. I sat, nervously, in the chair.  
"Ok. Go Eileen." Said my dad.  
"No, Steve, you."  
He cleared his throat, and looked at us sternly, "I think this is a little soon to be discussing this, but your mom believes that we should address it now and make it clear."  
"Dad, I wasn't drinking." I blurted out.  
"Ren, honey...we don't like it when you lie to us."  
"I'm not lying." I snapped, uncharacteristically.  
"We're not accusing you yet, now just calm down for a minute." He looked toward Donnie, "You were supposed to be in charge last night and we clearly told you the rules, which you obviously didn't pay any mind to." He remained silent. "We know that you can legally drink, but you can't in this house, and you can't let people that shouldn't, do it. It was extremely irresponsible of you to let something like this happen. You are partly responsible for what happened. I don't know if you did let it happen to make yourself be cooler or what, but it was extremely wrong, and now you know some of the consequences."  
"We raised all of you to be better than this." Mom added.  
"We haven't figured out the punishment yet because of what happened with your friends, and I hope that knowing what happened to them is enough, but as soon as this blows over then there will be some form of punishment."  
"Right now, we're not going to ask what else went on here, or accuse any of you of being anything more than irresponsible." She looked at me, "Whether or not, you were drinking, you let other people drink, and people got...hurt."  
"You can all go now, and we're really sorry about what happened."  
All three of us ventured solemnly up the stairs. Everyone had gone home, even Beans, who knew when was a good time to get away from us. I was about to go into my room and close the door, but Donnie said, "Hey, you two, do you want me to take the blame for everything?"  
"No. It won't do any good." I said, plainly. Louis didn't answer. As I shut the door, my phone rang. I didn't feel like talking to anyone, but I answered it anyway. "Hello?"  
"Ren...this is the worst day of my life..." Ruby whimpered.  
At least it wasn't her birthday. At least they didn't get in a wreck leaving her party. "It'll all be ok." I lied. "After a while...it'll be ok."  
"No, it won't..."  
"Shhh...it will, I promise."  
"Ren...I told my parents that I was drinking...and...and everything...I'm grounded for like...ever...and Larry...and Mona...and..."  
"Ruby...calm down and breathe."  
"How are you so okay with it, Ren?!" She suddenly yelled. "How are you not upset?! You still hated Larry, didn't you?!"  
"No, Ruby...I don't know why I'm not upset...I am, but I'm not showing it, I guess..."  
"You're a liar, Ren!"  
"Ruby! I'm just as upset as you, trust me!"  
"No, you're...not..." She hiccupped. "You're not...you don't care...at all..."  
"I do, I swear...I...I...just..." I felt tears welling up again, as I tried to think of things to say, "Ruby...I missed out on being friends with Larry in middle school...do you know how bad that makes me feel? I wasted a lot of time that...that would have been really valuable to me now..."  
There was silence on the other end of the line.  
"Ruby? You ok?" I asked, and wiped my eyes before the tears fell.  
"I'm sorry that I yelled at you a minute ago..."  
"It's ok."  
"I was just angry because...because...I don't know...like how you were with Tawny earlier..."  
I hesitated, "I really am mad at Tawny."  
"What? Why?"  
"Because it's her fault."  
"What's her fault?"  
"Everything."  
"What, Ren? No. You can't blame her for...for...what happened."  
"That's what Louis said."  
"Well...Ren, I hate to say it, but Louis is...right..."  
Louis wasn't right. He was never right. He couldn't be right. "If it weren't for her, I wouldn't have made them leave early...then...it wouldn't have happened..." My voice began to crack, and a tear rolled down my cheek. "It's Tawny's fault."  
"Why does it have to be anyone's fault? No one can change anything...or go back and do anything over...or...or make it all ok again...so why should anyone blame anyone? Especially Tawny...I...I thought...that you and her-"  
"No. You thought wrong!" I shouted into the receiver.  
"Ren, you were just talking about missing out on stuff and wasting time..."  
I didn't want to hear this. I didn't want her making me feel guilty for something that I shouldn't feel guilty about, "Ruby, shut up."  
"I won't, Ren. You're being stupid and contradicting yourself...You're usually smarter than this..."  
"I don't like Tawny." I said between my teeth.  
She sighed, and sniffled a little, "I think we both have a lot on our minds...Bye, Ren."  
"Bye." I hung the phone up, and laid back down on my bed.  
Ruby was right, and Louis was right. I hated to think that, and I hated even more for it to be true. It wasn't Tawny's fault that Larry got into a wreck with Mona in the car. Even if I did make them leave because of her the same thing could've happened at any time of the night. There weren't many people on the road at late, but one was all that was needed, or they could've just as well hit a tree or a pole, and it wasn't Tawny's fault. Larry got drunk himself, Tawny didn't make him, no one made him. No one made anyone do anything really. He wouldn't have listened had anyone tried to stop him. Maybe I shouldn't have let him drive knowing he was wasted, but what could I have done? I couldn't have let him stay over or else I would have gotten in trouble. Fuck me! Fuck getting in trouble! Me getting in trouble would've been a hell of a lot better than both of them dying! I was such a selfish asshole!  
It wasn't Tawny's fault that I liked her. She can't help who she is, or that she's so hot and sweet and everything that anyone could want in a person. It wasn't her fault any more than it was my fault or anyone else's. Why'd I get so mad at her? Why did I so quickly shift the blame on her for something that, like Ruby said, couldn't be changed or fixed? Maybe it was because I wanted a reason not to like her because she was too perfect, and being the opportunist that I am, I took that moment to blame her for Larry and Mona.  
Reaching up to rub my face from the heavy thinking, I realized that my cheeks were wet. Why did it take people dying for me to realize what a jerk I was?  
I sat up and reached slowly for my phone, but realized that I didn't know Tawny's number. I could ask Louis, but I didn't feel right doing that. I snatched Mr. Pookie up off the floor and sat with him on my lap. His big grin seemed really inappropriate.  
Wasted time, so much of it. I didn't give Larry a chance years ago because my ego wouldn't let me, and I would have rather competed with him than stopped and worked together with him. He was the same way, but it might've only been because of me being the way that I was. Now, I was pushing Tawny away and she didn't deserve it at all, and I don't even know why I was doing it for sure.  
I sighed, and wiped my face, then thought of the note from her in my book bag. I didn't want to read it, knowing it would make me feel even worse about everything. There was too much going on. Why'd people have to die at the same time that I was confused about Tawny?  
I sat Mr. Pookie aside, and went quietly back downstairs to get some food to take my mind off of things. As I came down into the living room my eyes drifted to the purple lump on the floor past the door. Suddenly losing my appetite and becoming more sad, I made my way toward it. The floor was cold. I hadn't noticed the other million times I walked across it. I looked down at the puppy, and it's sad eyes looked up at me, begging me to pick it up.  
Poor Nelson. I know he felt bad. I should call him. Poor Tawny. She was trying to help me out. The last thing she said before she left started echoing in my head. I had dropped my puppy, the same puppy that I was staring at now, sadly. It was in the exact place that she'd left it. I bent down and picked it up, "I'm sorry..."  
I held it in my hand and looked at it. I had gotten it from the person that also brought bad news. Bad news that made me with I had appreciated people and time a little more. Anyone could be gone in minutes leaving everyone else wondering, and questioning, and wishing they had done a little more.  
Anyone. That was an undelightful thought. 


	11. Chapter 11

I settled my mind on going to Tawny's house. Forget asking Louis for her number. Forget calling her all together. I got my keys from out of this kitchen, and headed for the door to the garage, "Mom, Dad, I'm going to Tawny's! I'll be back in a little while!"  
They were in the dining room and my mom responded, "Ok. Be careful, honey."  
I went out to my car and got in, then sat there with the key in the ignition, not turning it on. I could die just as easily as anyone else. I was a little scared to even drive now. I took a deep breath. The garage was still open from earlier. I turned the key, and backed down the driveway. Tawny's house was only about five minutes away. I didn't bother with the radio or with anything else, my mind was only on getting to Tawny's house.  
I had to pull over to the side and park by the street because her dad's car was in the driveway. I ran up to the front door, and rang the bell. It looked dark inside, but someone was obviously home because their car was there.  
The door opened, "Hello, Ren."  
"Hi, Mr. Dean." I said, business-like, "Is Tawny home?"  
He nodded, "She's in her room. I don't think she wants to be bothered because of what's happened."  
"Oh..." I said, a little disheartened. "Tell her I came by, please."  
"Alright." He shut the door, and I continued to stand there.  
While pondering what to do for a moment, I decided to go to her window. Louis and Beans had done it before, so I could do it. I crept around to the back of the house, spotted the window, and the tree nearby. Not too hard. I'd climbed a few trees before. I put my keys in my pocket, since I'd been carrying them around, and I began my ascent. It wasn't long before I could see into her room.  
I leaned over onto the sill so I could get a better look inside. The curtains were open, but the window was shut and it was dimly lit inside. The girl liked her darkness. I scanned the room to try and find her. She was laying face down on her bed, cuddling with a pillow. I tapped lightly on the window a few times.  
She opened her eyes and looked at me, her face was without expression. She got up and came to the window slowly.  
"Let me in." I said.  
She responded by closing the curtains.  
My heart sank. I'd screwed up. I carefully climbed down the tree. It was a lot harder to get down than it was to get up. I went back to my Jeep, and got in, then just sat there again. I looked over at the puppy I had placed in the passenger's seat and sighed.  
As I drove home, I convinced myself that in a few days, Tawny would talk to me again. She wasn't one to hold grudges. Disappointed, I shut myself in my room like before. This time I went for the note. I rummaged through my bag, and found it in the bottom, a little crinkled. I sat on the floor, cross-legged, and unfolded it.  
I began to carefully run my fingers over the neatly written words in black ink, then I read.  
  
_I don't write notes, but I'm writing you one. I bet you're wondering why...no, I know you're wondering why. I don't know how to start or where to start, but I'm going to try to do this. I don't know if you'll understand or what, but at least I'll know that I tried to explain somehow, even if it was a note, and the last way that I wanted to. I can't bring myself to say any of this to you out loud. I can't find the proper place or time to do it. It just doesn't work. I spent most of first period just talking myself into writing this. This is probably the worst day for me to decide to tell you this thing that I'm going to tell you because of your party, and you're gonna hate me, and want to kill me. Ok, maybe you would do -that-, but still. If I don't do this right now, then I might never do it. I'm rambling, and beating around the bush and not getting to the point. I don't know what I'm trying to accomplish by telling you other than so I can tell myself I tried to tell you or something. Yeah...anyways...my point is that I think I like you. Not like as a friend, but I like you, as in 'I think you're hot and I would go out with you if you weren't straight.' There. I said it. Either you can read on while I attempt to explain (because that's what I do...Tawny must try to explain all things) or crumble this up right now if you're revolted or whatever, and then forget about it, or hate me, or...yeah...show it to your friends and laugh at me. Go for it. I don't care. I just wanted to tell you so that I don't go through life wishing that I had told you.  
_  
"Kids! Dinner!" Dad yelled, and interrupted me. I folded the not and sat it by the lamp on the table by my bed where I'd remember to read it after I ate, but it was unlikely that I would forget about it. I was so mean to her. I wish I'd been a little more considerate. I was afraid of hurting her and I ended up hurting her.  
I exited my room and Louis said from behind me, "Did you go to Tawny's earlier when you left?"  
"Yeah..."  
"Talk to her?"  
I shook my head. "I think she hates me now."  
"Nah. She's just making it difficult for you, making you think she hates you to see if you keep trying."  
I raised an eyebrow, "Why're you giving me advice about her?"  
He shrugged, "I heard you yelling at Ruby on the phone."  
"Oh...well...I'm really sorry about you and her. You could find another girl if you tried."  
"I doubt it."  
"Maybe you should lay off of the drugs. Sometimes girls find it unattractive."  
"Ha. Not all of them."  
"Some do like...me and Tawny."  
We made our way down the stairs, "Would you think I was attractive if I didn't do anything remotely wrong?"  
"Ew! No, you're my brother."  
"I mean like...nevermind. I'll get advice about girls from Donnie. He's actually had girlfriends." He walked into the dining room and our conversation ceased.  
I still hadn't eaten anything all day, and I was really hungry upon smelling the food. Dinner was freakishly silent. All I did was eat. Once in a while someone would try and spark up conversation, but it died seconds later. Louis attempted a few stupid jokes, and we would all force a laugh. After eating I volunteered to do the dishes, and mom said she would go up and get the stuff off of my floor for me in my room.  
Donnie got a drink out of the refrigerator as I was finishing up, and I again thought of him and Twitty. I laughed a little.  
"I've got a date tonight. Do you think mom and dad'll let me go?" He asked me, pulling the tab of the soda.  
I laughed again, and imagined him and Twitty on a date. "I dunno. Ask them, not me."  
"Good idea. I wish I'd thought of it."  
Louis would be stuck with Tom and Beans if by some bizarre twist of fate I ended up with Tawny, and Donnie ended up with Twitty. There was nothing wrong with Tom, except he scared me sometimes with his weirdness, and Beans...well...Beans was Beans, and I pitied anyone that had only him to hang out with.  
I walked through the living room to go back up the stairs, and my mom called to me, "Ren, honey?"  
"Yes?" I stopped.  
"Is there anything you need to tell me, or anything you want to talk about?"  
I thought for a second. Did she want me to ramble off things about Larry and Mona or something? Was I acting like there was something wrong? Could she have read Tawny's note? No, not the last one. She respected my privacy and never read any notes that anyone gave me. At least I didn't think she did. I shook my head, "No, not right now."  
"Oh...ok." She said, rather suspiciously.  
I got a little nervous, and hurried up the stairs. The note was resting on the table still. I examined it. It was where I left it, I guess. I couldn't remember exactly where I'd left it. I didn't memorize where I'd put it, didn't think I'd have to. I shrugged off the thought that my mom didn't trust me, and I crawled under the covers of my bed, then reached over for the piece of folded paper.  
Carefully, I unfolded the perforations, and continued reading where I had left off.  
  
_I don't know how it happened, really. It just did. Remember when you were running for school policy monitor? I know you do. I helped Louis because of you, not him. He wasn't funny to me at all, and he was annoying, and yeah. I did take a liking to him after a while though. He was very...different, and interesting, unlike Zack, but you were too, only I couldn't tell anyone, and I could hardly bear to think about it myself. I sound like such a loser, don't I? I've always had a thing for you, but I never thought I really liked you until a few months ago. Louis has changed, and I don't like who he is now, but you stayed mainly the same. I always thought you deserved better than all the boys you ended up with crushes on, and...I dunno. I'm going on and on like I can convince you to like me, and I know I can't do that. This was probably the stupidest note you've ever gotten. I can't explain something that's so weird to me to someone else. I'm sorry for wasting your time. This was a stupid idea.  
  
Looking through the folded curtains  
Of the cold and darkened hall  
Searching for something unknown  
There is no writing on the walls  
Freedom from imprisonment  
Encased in my own mind  
Is all that I can hope for  
And all that I'm likely to find  
In the cold and darkened hall  
_  
Tawny and her bizarre poetry. She was good for that. A little farther down the page was her name, signed nicely, and a tiny heart above it. I wondered how much effort it took for her to make that single tiny heart. She wasn't the frequent heart-making type.  
I sighed, and refolded the note. After sitting it back on the table I switched off the light and laid in the near darkness, wondering what her poem meant. I could never figure her out. I wish she were here right now. Out of all the people in the world, I wanted to talk to her more than anyone, and she was the only person I really felt like talking about Larry and Mona to.  
I felt like shit. I was so stupid. Why didn't I just try to talk to her about everything instead of just putting it off? I put my hand on my forehead and tried to think, as if my hand would put pressure on my brain and help me to do so.  
It was so quiet. Everything was silent, completely. Some noise would be nice, and much better than this. I heard one of the doors downstairs open, and I looked out my window. It was Donnie leaving for his date. I hadn't gone on a date in a long time. Here I was with two of my close friends gone forever, and me thinking about dating.  
I curled up and pulled the sheet over my head, thinking of the cold and darkened hall that Tawny was in, whatever it was. Larry's gone. Mona's gone. Anyone could be gone at any time, and the next person could be me or Tawny. I had to tell her before something stupid like that happened. 


	12. Chapter 12

Monday, back at school, word spread quickly about everything, except me and Tawny, surprisingly. I threw great parties, people said. There was drugs, alcohol, and orgies, complete with lesbians. When word managed to traveled that Mona Spinowoski and Larry Beale were dead after being at my party, everyone calmed down about my "party-throwing skills". Stupid people.  
The principal made an announcement about it at the end of first period, clearing some of the outlandish rumors that had already begun about how they died. School then became solemn and mellow. People that never even talked to them before were acting like they were their best friends, and people I'd never seen before were crying about it. I knew it would happen like that. I hated it. Some people gave me and Louis a hard time, blaming us for them dying, and they had never even known them. Louis wasn't taking it very well.  
I ignored everything and tried to go about my day normally, while Tawny didn't acknowledge my existence. I tried to talk to her that day at lunch, but she blew me off again. She just turned and walked away when I tried to get her attention.  
The day crept by. Tuesday was Mona's funeral, and Wednesday was Larry's. If anyone was absent those days it would be excused. I was going to miss those days, thus ruining my perfect attendance for this year. Fuck that.  
School ended, and I met Louis and Twitty in the parking lot at my Jeep. "Where's Tawny?" I asked, "Does she need a ride? I'd be glad to give her one."  
"She's staying after for some art something." Twitty told me.  
"Oh..."  
"Just get in, man, and let's go home." Louis said, moving up the passenger's seat so that his friend could get in the back.  
"You still mad?" He asked getting in.  
"I'm not mad." My brother got in and slammed the door.  
I sighed, and started to drive. "What's the matter Louis?"  
"Oh...I dunno...my girlfriend's in love with my sister, and I'm being blamed for people dying after my sister's party."  
"She's not in love with me, she just likes me, and I don't think she does anymore, and there's no reason for you to listen to stupid people. It's not either of our faults."  
Before Louis could say anything else, Twitty said, "Did Donnie leave?"  
"Yeah. Yesterday morning." I answered him.  
"Good." He said quietly.  
"Good? Do you have a problem with my brother, dude? Is that why you haven't come over?" Louis turned around and looked at him.  
"No, Louis...it's nothing. I was just wondering."  
"Why'd you say 'good' then?"  
"I didn't. I said...uh...food. I'm really hungry, man."  
"Don't lie to me, Twitty."  
"Stop! Both of you!" I yelled, slowing down, "Is that Tawny?" She was walking down the sidewalk toward her house.  
"She lied to me about the art thing..." Twitty said, sadly.  
"She lied to me a lot...she told me she loved me."  
I slowed down and drove along next to her. Louis' window was down, "Tawny?"  
She kept walking like she hadn't heard me.  
"Tawny?!"  
"Just forget her, Ren." Louis mumbled.  
"No. I don't want to." I took a deep breath, "Tawny! Talk to me!"  
She turned, "No. I don't want to."  
"Why'd you lie to me?" Twitty asked from the back.  
She didn't answer, and kept walking.  
"Why'd you lie to me, Tawny?!" Louis yelled, "Why'd you do that to me?!" He'd lost his temper.  
"Louis, stop!" I pressed the gas, and sped away from her, mad at her and also trying to stop Louis from being a jerk. She could get run over, walking that close to the road. That was disgusting to think about. "Louis, maybe it was something that you did to her that made her not like you like that anymore."  
"No, it was you. You always blamed me for your boyfriend problems, but it's not like any of them broke up with you for me!" He opened his door and got out before I'd completely stopped in front of our house.  
I turned the car off, and got out with my stuff. He was storming up to the front door, "Louis!"  
"I'm telling mom and dad when they get home!"  
"Telling them what?!" I went after him.  
"About you and Tawny!" He slammed the door.  
I froze in my spot. He couldn't do that. That was wrong. I'd never done anything to him that was like what he was going to do. He couldn't do that to me. He just couldn't. He annoyed the hell out of me, and now he was going to tell my parents something that he had no right to tell them.  
"Ren? Could you let me out?" Twitty asked, a little distraught from still being in the backseat.  
I stomped back and moved my seat up for him, "Talk Louis out of telling my parents, and I'll do anything."  
"He probably won't even do it. He's just got a lot on his mind, and it's...making him pissy. He'll get over it. He always gets over stuff real fast, you know that."  
"Yeah...I hope so..." I grabbed my book bag, and we started up to the house. I turned the doorknob to go in and it didn't turn. It was locked. Louis had locked me and his best friend out of the house. "Oh hell."  
"What's wrong?"  
"The door's locked." I put my hands on my hips and glared at the door like I could force it open somehow. "Run around back and go in. I'll go try the garage door incase the back is locked."  
"Alright." He dropped his bag, and ran around the house.  
I sat my bag down and then walk to the garage and opened it. Then headed for the door. Locked. "Louis!" I screamed. "I'll kill you when I get inside!"  
Twitty walked into the garage with his hand in his pocket, looking down, "Please tell me that that door's unlocked."  
"I can't! I'd be lying to you!" I went back around to the front, very angry, knowing that the back had been locked as well. Louis had run to every door and locked them. I sat on the front steps, and ran my hands through my hair in frustration.  
Twitty sat next to me, "Your parents'll be kinda mad at him if they find us here, won't they?"  
"Yeah...he hasn't done any crap like this in a long time."  
"Then he'll have more of a reason to tell them cus he'll be in trouble, and he'll want you in trouble too..."  
He was right. "God! This sucks!"  
"He won't even let me in...he's all mad cus he thinks I hate Donnie..."  
"Do you hate Donnie?"  
"No...I dunno. I can't tell him though, especially now...he'd freak..."  
"I didn't know that one party could screw so much up..." I sighed.  
Twitty sighed too, "Ren, why don't you have keys to your house?"  
"I do, but they're in my room because we leave the doors unlocked."  
"Oh...I guess I should know that because I come over here so often...I guess I never noticed. Aren't your parents afraid someone'll rob you?"  
"Not during the day. We lock them at the night and when we're afraid Beans'll show up, but locks don't seem to stop him."  
"That's it!" He yelled triumphantly.  
I raised an eyebrow, "Huh?"  
"We can get Beans to do whatever he does to get in your house and he can unlock the door for us!" He stood up.  
"Yeah! Go find him, quick! It's hot out here."  
"I'll be right back with Beans." He jumped off the porch, and ran through the woods to find Beans' house.  
I continued to sit on the porch and wait, resting my chin in my hands. It seemed like it was taking Twitty an awfully long time, and I hoped he'd get back in time for us to get in and talk Louis out of telling my parents about me. My eyes wandered out to the road, and I spotted Tawny, walking by to go to her own house. She didn't even glance toward me or anything. "Tawny!"  
She kept walking. I got up and jogged toward the end of our driveway, "Tawny, please listen to me."  
"You wouldn't listen to me."  
I ran across the road and walked beside her, "I'm sorry...I-"  
"Too late."  
I stopped abruptly, and she continued walking. I reached out with one arm. I think to grab a hold of her and keep her from leaving, but I ended up just standing there with my arm extended. "But..."  
"Ren! I got him! I got Beans!"  
I looked back toward my house and crossed the street, then went to join Twitty and Beans at the porch. I'd never been so happy to see him before. If Louis did tell my parents I could say he was lying and it wouldn't be too far from the truth. Tawny hated me, and it wasn't like we were gonna hook up now or anything like that. There was nothing for my parents to worry about pertaining to me and my sexuality. "Ok Beans, get into my house and unlock the front door."  
He crossed his stumpy arms, and grinned, "What do I get for it?"  
"What do you want?"  
"Bacon."  
That wasn't too hard. "Fine. You get in and let us in, and I'll cook some bacon."  
"Ok. Both of you close your eyes."  
"Why, dude?" Twitty asked him, curiously.  
"Because I said so. No shutting eyes, and no unlocking door. I can't have people knowing my ways."  
I closed my eyes and then put my hand over them. I felt Beans turning me around, and I followed his lead without argument.  
"Twitty, are your eyes shut?"  
"Yep."  
"Stop standing there and come in! I want bacon!"  
That was fast. We both turned. Beans was standing in the open front door. I got my stuff then went into the house, "Louis!"  
"I want bacon!" Beans yelled at me.  
"Louis, why'd you do that, man?!" Twitty ran up the stairs.  
Beans latched into my leg, "Get me bacon or I'm never letting go!"  
I groaned, and tried to go to the kitchen, but I couldn't with the mass amount of weight attached to my right leg, "Get off of me so I can move."  
"If you don't cook me some bacon then you'll be sorry." He released his grip and got up.  
"I'm going to cook your bacon right now!" I threw my stuff onto the couch and went into the kitchen. I found some thawed bacon in the refrigerator. Beans watched in silence as I got out a pan and some grease, and began to cook a few slices. I finished quickly, threw the pieces on a plate, then sat the plate on the table. I then ran up the stairs to Louis' room. I pushed open the door with a lot of force, "Louis, what do you think our parents are going to do if they find out that you locked me out of the house?"  
"They'll forget about it real fast cus I'll tell them that you're gay."  
"Louis, man-" Twitty tried to say.  
"Shut up, Twitty!"  
"Alright, Louis...if I don't tell them that you locked us out, will you not tell them about me?"  
He sighed, and flopped back on his bed, "Sure, but...if you tell them about anything remotely wrong that I do, then know that they'll know about you within seconds."  
He was going to blackmail me now. That was peachy. "Fine."  
"Kids, we're home!" Mom yelled from downstairs. "We brought Chinese!" 


	13. Chapter 13

Louis and I lingered around at the cemetery for a little while after the service along with a few other people, among them was Tawny. She lurked around the headstone, not talking to anyone. Louis and I sat in the Jeep waiting for everyone to leave so we could have some time alone at Mona's gravesite without a bunch of her family and strangers. He'd chilled out a little, but I could tell he was mad at me still. I didn't think he'd tell our parents.  
I watched as Tawny's dad approached her, and put his hand on her shoulder. She said something to him, and he responded. I wished I could hear, but I couldn't. They started walking away, walking toward us, and to their car. I wanted to say something to her, but couldn't do that either.  
As they passed by us they didn't seem to notice that there were people in the red Jeep.  
"Daddy, I'm a lesbian." Tawny said, clearly.  
Louis perked up, and so did I, and we turned to look at them, but remained quiet.  
"Tawny...I...I...well...that's a surprise, and I'm a psychologist." He muttered.  
"I'm sorry..."  
"No. No, there's no need to be sorry. How long have you known this about yourself?"  
"Uh...a few months..."  
"Oh...I'm sorry. I should be sorry. I didn't even know. I knew I should've paid more attention to you. This had to have been hard for you. I'm so sorry Tawny. Why didn't you tell me sooner?"  
"Daddy...I don't know..."  
"Well...let's talk about this when we get home."  
"Ok."  
They got into the car and drove away. I looked at Louis. His arms were crossed and he was glaring at the dashboard.  
"Louis..." I said softly.  
"Ren."  
"I wish you weren't mad like this about something you can't control..."  
"I wish Tawny weren't gay, and I wish that Larry and Mona weren't dead, and I wish you..." His voice trailed off and he didn't finish his sentence.  
I ignored him, grabbed the flowers from the back, and headed for the grave. I knelt down at the headstone, and placed the daisies among the other flowers that had been laid down there. I ran my fingers over the engraving, and sighed. "I'm sorry, Mona...I'll be sure to use those pens you gave me."  
"She can't hear you, Ren." Said Tom's voice.  
I turned, and he was standing above me. I sniffled a little, "I know."  
He bent down next to me, "Why's Louis still sitting back there?"  
"He's mad at me."  
"Oh. Why's that? Do you think it's because of...everything...and he's just taking it out on you?"  
I hesitated, "Yeah...that's part of it."  
"He hasn't been himself lately. I've noticed. Tawny's hasn't been herself lately either."  
"I think I know that. I live with him." I touched some of the petals of some of the brightly colored flowers at my feet, "I think Mona's parents hate me."  
"I'm sorry."  
I nodded, and my eyes caught a folded piece of paper stuck in amongst a bunch of flowers. I picked it up, "What's this?"  
"Looks like a paper product."  
"Thank you, Tom." I unfolded it, and saw handwriting that I recognized.  
  
_You're not here  
And you can't see  
I've written you a poem  
That you'll never read  
But when I die  
There won't be anyone  
To write one for me  
_  
Short, odd, and to the point, I guess. It wouldn't exactly be the best thing for her parents to read at the time, but it was Tawny. I folded it and put it back in the flowers. It was sad, not only because it was to Mona, but because Tawny had no one to write anything for her. That was it! I could write to her. She'd notice me then, and she'd listen. That's what I'd do. I'd write her something to explain.  
"Ren?"  
"Huh?" I looked at Tom.  
His blonde hair was strewn about in a disorderly fashion, "You just looked kinda distant there."  
"Oh...I was thinking."  
"Might I ask, about what?"  
"Um...nothing."  
"Oh. Ok." He looked at his watch, "Mother, is expecting me home. I should go. It was nice talking to you, Ren."  
"You too." He was going to be a serial killer, or gay. One of those. The latter was the safest. He liked his mom way too much, and never mentioned his dad. I watched him as he headed for the road, "Tom! Do you need a ride?!"  
"Nope!" He waved back at me, "I need the exercise!"  
I made my way back to my car. It was a long way to Tom's house from the cemetery, but I let him go, "Louis, get over yourself. I don't like it when you're like this."  
"Well, I don't like a lot of things!"  
"Louis, you're not being yourself at all, and people are noticing."  
"Would you be yourself if the person you liked broke up with you for me?!"  
"She didn't break up with you for me. She broke up with you because you treated her like crap!" I started the car.  
"Bullshit!"  
"Ha! You had a threesome with Monique and Mona at my party!" Silence followed that, and we drove home in complete quiet. As we went in the house, I said, "Louis...I'm sorry..."  
"I don't believe you."  
"Fine, then don't!" I went up to my room, hoping that Louis wouldn't be an ass and tell our parents anything stupid. I slammed my door, and sat on my bed. Tawny told her dad, and he didn't get mad at all. My parents wouldn't kill me, but I don't think they would be happy. Hell, I don't know. She still liked me, otherwise she wouldn't have told her dad, unless she suddenly liked some other girl, but who was better than me? Someone that wouldn't take forever to make up their mind, I suppose.  
I got up and dug out a piece of paper and a pen, then I sat on the floor. I was going to write. I scribbled things down that I wanted to say. This was the only way for me to do this because she wouldn't listen to me, and it was her own fault that I was doing something on paper that I should be telling her to her face.  
I scribbled down more thoughts. I had to organize before I wrote something. It was how I'd been taught to write in school. Must plan, then do. Gotta plan everything.  
My planning took around forty-five minutes, which was an obscenely large amount of time to plan for something. My teachers always said not to spend too much time planning because I needed time to be able to do what I planned. I wasn't at school! Why couldn't I get out of that mind-set?!  
I wrote a two page note, but read it and trashed it. It sounded like I was writing her an essay. Why couldn't I just write to her and sound like me instead of an essay-writing robot? This was a lot harder than I thought it would be, and it was way different than writing Ruby a note. Maybe I shouldn't tell her everything that I feel like I need to tell her. She needs to have a reason to talk to me, so I shouldn't tell her everything. I should tell her enough to get her to talk to me, and save the rest.  
Yes, that was a good idea. Good thinking, Ren. I rambled off a paragraph about how I wanted to talk to her, but she wouldn't listen, that I was sorry, and that I was wrong, and inconsiderate. Basically, I said bad things about myself, then I said that that was extremely hard for me to do, which it was.  
I planned on giving it to her after Larry's funeral tomorrow. I had to do it without her knowing I did it somehow because she'd probably refuse it if she knew it was from me. I could leave it under the windshield wiper of her dad's car. That would work nicely. I folded the paper and sat it on my dresser, where I'd remember to pick it up tomorrow before leaving.  
The rest of the day flew by. Louis didn't tell our parents anything, and he only left his room for dinner, through which he was silent, and after he left I was interrogated to find out what was wrong with him. I told them it was because he was upset about Mona and Larry. It wasn't a complete lie, but it didn't feel right still.  
Wednesday morning, I got up and got ready for Larry's funeral. I had some more flowers, and I stuffed the note into my bra because I didn't want to take my purse. Everyone went to the service in his church then went to the cemetery again. After the small graveside sermon, our parents left me and Louis again. We once more, sat in the Jeep and waited for the crowd to die down. We didn't really want people to hassle us and blame us for his death. It was upsetting.  
I spotted Tawny's dad's car near where we were parked, and I saw Tawny and her dad hanging back behind the crowd so that they could move to the grave. I reached down my dress and snagged the note, then got out and tried to go non-suspiciously to the car. I slipped the note under the wiper blade on her side, then proceeded back to Louis, who gave me an odd look.  
Ruby was standing with Monique, and I figured I'd go over there to them. It was better than sitting with Louis. I hugged them both then stood and watched them cry, trying to force some tears of my own. It was hard for me to cry in front of people, even if I was sad.  
"Ren...Tawny's looking at you..." Ruby whispered. I was about to turn, but she grabbed my wrist, "No, don't look."  
"Mmmkay."  
"Maybe you should accidentally run into her on purpose?"  
"No. I'd rather not."  
"It works, Ren, trust me."  
"Uh...I'm gonna go sit these flowers down, then I'm gonna go because Louis is in a bad mood still, and I don't want him to have a heatstroke or anything."  
She and Monique nodded, then continued to cry with each other. I completed my mission, and then got ready to go back home. I noticed that Tawny was gone, when I got back to Louis, and I hoped she had seen the note and gotten it. Louis wouldn't have pointed it out if she didn't notice.  
When I got home, I changed clothes, and stayed in my room to watch TV. I heard someone knock on the door after about an hour, and I hoped someone else would get it because I didn't feel like moving. My windows were open so I could hear whatever anyone said.  
"Oh. Hi, Tawny." My dad said, "You here to see Louis?"  
"Yeah."  
"He's up in his room."  
"Thanks, Mr. Stevens."  
"No, call me Steve...Mr. Steve, since you're my son's favorite girl."  
What the hell? Why was she here for Louis, and why was dad letting her call him Steve. Maybe I misheard something. I had to have because it made no sense...unless Louis had talked to Tawny while I was with Ruby and Monique earlier. He probably got the note, and threw it on the ground, then went and sucked up to Tawny. He'd do something like that to try and turn her straight again. What if it worked? He was that mad at me, and I wouldn't put it past him.  
I saw a piece of paper slide its way under my door, and suddenly felt like moving. I moved, dived for it, then unfolded it, and read it to myself.  
  
_Having considered the options,  
And contemplated on the situation,  
My feelings,  
And the darkness that surrounds them,  
I've come to a decision,  
An important one.  
Though we're different,  
Opposites certainly,  
You're not like me,  
I'm nothing like you,  
And we don't go about things  
At all the same,  
I think we could try  
Maybe this time a little harder  
Now that we understand,  
And we have one thing  
In common.  
I'm sorry that I tested you,  
But you passed.  
You passed.  
  
In other words, Ren, I forgive you, and I missed you too.  
_  
"Yes!" I squealed, unintentionally. I was forgiven, in a weird way, but I was forgiven, and I wanted to call Ruby. Bad time though. Not good time. Would call her tomorrow. I made a mental note, and threw the physical note onto my bed. I switched off my TV, and swung my door open, expecting her to be standing on the other side, waiting for me, but instead I found only the empty hall. I stuck my head out and looked around. Nothing. No movement. Nothing. I ran downstairs, and looked around. I poked myself into the kitchen. My mom was cooking dinner, she turned and eyed me suspiciously.  
"Hi mom!" I said happily, a little bit too happy for someone that just came from a funeral, but I didn't realize it until after I said it. It made me feel bad again. "Did Tawny leave or something?"  
She blinked, and looked at me, tilting her head, "She's up in Louis' room, I think."  
"Oh..."  
"Invite her for dinner. She's not been around in a while."  
"Ok." I scurried out, and back up the stairs, and went toward Louis' room. Mom was acting weird, and looking at me like she knew something I didn't know or something like that. I shrugged it off real fast. 


	14. Chapter 14

When I was about to knock on the door, I stopped, and leaned my ear against it, instead. There were still stupid things hanging on it with some more recent additions. I couldn't hear anything. I at least knew that they weren't having sex. Tawny wouldn't have sex with him anyway. I don't know what I was thinking.  
I felt the door, which my head was resting on, moving away from me. I latched onto the doorframe with my hands to prevent myself from falling into his room, and looked down at my feet. Then I composed myself and looked up as if I had been doing nothing.  
"Uh...hi, Ren."  
Quickly, I backed up, out into the middle of the hall. Louis was sitting on his bed, and Tawny was standing in the doorway, "Hello..."  
"Um...hi." She said again.  
"Hi." I stuffed my hands into my pockets, not knowing what to do, and I looked at me feet again, shyly.  
"Ren..." I looked up at her a little. Her eyes moved back and forth, like she was looking for someone, "Come in here." She grabbed my wrist, and jerked me into Louis' room, then shut the door. Then she pushed me down in front of my brother onto his bed.  
"I told mom and dad that me and Tawny were going back out, so she'll have a reason to be over here, and they won't suspect anything with you two." He grabbed a cookie from his bed stand, "Cookie?"  
"Ah...no." I said after looking at it for about two seconds, "Why would you do that for me?"  
"Because you're my sister, and there are plenty of girls in the world that are better that Tawny."  
Tawny hit him in the back of the head, and glared.  
"Ow...anyway..." He bit the cookie, "Sorry about being so grumpy lately, I just don't know what's going on with anyone, that's all, and like, after a while I suppose you and Tawny could become friends and then she could spend the night and stuff without our parents worrying about me and her having sex."  
"Or you could always stay with me because it's a lot safer at the moment." She said. "My dad's ok with it."  
I still didn't quite get why Louis had done this. They'd obviously worked it out together in secret or something. He probably had ulterior motives of some sort. "Thank you, Louis."  
"No problem, sis."  
"Please, don't do that. It's scary." Tawny groaned.  
"So...hi..." I looked at her unsurely.  
"Hi."  
"Get out of my room, both of you!" He looked at Tawny, "At least me and you got beyond greetings and managed to talk about French fries and stuff."  
"Oh yeah...uh...Tawny, my mom said you can stay for dinner if you want."  
"Um...I should call my dad and tell him..."  
"I'm...uh...gonna tell mom that you're staying..." I pointed to the door, then got up quickly and went out. That was awkward. Perhaps I'd screwed everything up, or maybe it was just because Louis was in there. Maybe it was something else. I scurried down the stairs and popped back into the kitchen, "Tawny's staying."  
"Ok, honey." I started to leave, but she said, "Ren, can I talk to you for a minute?"  
"Um...sure, mom." I walked over to her.  
She was at the stove stirring something, "Tawny and Louis are at that stage, where...they...uh...might want to...uh...and...they've known each other...a...uh...long time...and...they..."  
"I understand." This had nothing to do with me. I smiled inside, knowing she was oblivious you maybe keep your eye on them...if over when your father and I aren't home because you're responsible and all?"  
"Yeah, of course."  
"Thanks, now get them to come down here and set the table."  
"Alright." I exited the kitchen quickly. I was sure she was going to ask me about me and Tawny, but no, it was the opposite of that. "Hey, you two, mom wants us to set the table."  
Louis came out followed by Tawny, who eyed me strangely, as if looking me over to see if I'd physically changed, "So...Ren, hi."  
"Hi..." I laughed a little, "My mom seems to be well-convinced that you and Louis are together. She even told me to watch you two and not let you have sex."  
"Um...yeah..." She snickered slightly, "We should talk...I think...later."  
"Later would be good." I put my hand on her shoulder, and stopped her from walking.  
"Now's good too."  
I shook my head, "No, not now. I was just wondering if you forced Louis to help us out."  
"Nope. It was his idea."  
"That's weird..."  
"You're just paranoid."  
I shrugged, "Well...let's set the table then."  
We went down to the dining room and set the table in an awkward silence. Louis distanced himself from Tawny, and I distanced myself from Tawny. Basically we were all distanced from each other. My mom looked at us funny as she brought in the salad. When she left I whispered, "Maybe you two should touch each other or something because you're supposed to be together and all."  
"No." They said at the same time.  
"Shhh! Not so loud. It was just an idea." I mumbled, and straightened a napkin.  
"Dinner won't be for a few more minutes, so you all can go upstairs and do whatever it is you do...as long as it's nothing...funky..." My mom said as she brought in some dinner rolls, and put them in the middle of the table. "I'll call you when everything's ready."  
We filed out of the room and went back upstairs. My mom was a hippie, but not when it came to her own children, it seemed. I snatched Tawny into my room and shoved her onto my bed. She winced and covered herself with her arms, "No, Ren! Don't rape me! The last time you tried to it confused you."  
I sneered, "I'm not confused anymore and I'm not going to rape you."  
"Oh. Ok." She sat up, and put her hair behind her ears.  
I sat down next to her, "I'm really sorry about...uh...pushing you."  
"Pushing me? Ha. You threw me, and all I was trying to do was comfort you in the midst of a stressful situation."  
"I know. You're ok aren't you?"  
She laughed a little, and rolled up one of her sleeves then showed me her elbow. It was a big scab.  
"Ew...I...uh..." I bent down and kissed it, then looked at her. She looked abnormally surprised, "I'm sorry."  
She pulled her sleeve back down, "Sorry for?"  
"Hurting you..."  
"Oh. That works."  
"Huh?"  
"Nothing, but...um..."  
I put my hand on top of hers and squeezed it a little. "Tawny...I'm ready."  
"For what?"  
"You."  
She swallowed hard, "You sure?"  
I nodded, "But...uh...I'm not ready to tell my parents, or to tell people at school, if that's ok..."  
"Ren..."  
"I'm sorry. I'm not ready for this to be public, but I will be...just...just give me some time."  
"I'll give you anything you want."  
"Thank you so much!" I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her tightly.  
She remained limp, with her arms at her sides, "Ren...you're hurting me again."  
"Omigosh, I'm sorry!" I let go, and rubbed her shoulders.  
She smiled, and put one of her hands on the side of my face. "The only thing I'm worried about right now is claiming to be back with Louis..."  
"Why?"  
"I don't like lying."  
"Well, I don't either, but hopefully we won't have to for very long." I held her hand with both of mine, and kissed her fingers. As I moved her hand down, she put her other hand on my neck, and leaned in closer to me, very slowly. Just when I started to close my eyes I saw movement from the direction of my door. I grabbed Tawny's shoulders and pushed her away from me.  
She fell off the edge of the bed and onto the floor because I seemed to have a habit of pushing her too hard when I panic, "I'm ok!"  
My mom came in, and raised an eyebrow, "Dinner's ready. What were you two doing in here?"  
"Ah...ha ha..." I reached back and grabbed my pillow, "Pillow fight."  
"Tawny doesn't have a pillow."  
"It was an unfair fight." Tawny said, and sat up. "She was just wailing on me, and I had no weapon."  
She nodded, "Ok. Well, tell Louis that dinner's ready."  
"Yes mom."  
She walked out and shut the door again.  
I looked at Tawny, who was grinning. I laughed, "Lying is bad. I gotta stop."  
"Yep." She stood up, and grabbed my hands to pull me up from my sitting position on the bed, "I thought you said she had no clue about us..."  
"She has no clue whatsoever. I don't know how she could."  
"Well..." She pulled me closer to her and put her arms around my waist, then looked up at me. "We should be a little more careful since you're not ready to tell anyone."  
I nodded, slightly, then I leaned in so I could kiss her. The moment my lips touched hers, I forgot all about dinner, and Louis, and my mom, and everything. Her tongue playfully poked at my lower lip, and I gently pushed her away from me. "You're gonna sit by Louis at the table, right?"  
"Yeah...I guess...since I'm going out with him."  
"Ok...well...we should go."  
She nodded, and we went and got Louis, then went down for dinner. It was awkward to say the least, everything was awkward today, and I couldn't help but think that my mom was being really weird. She kept watching Tawny. Maybe I was just being paranoid again, and she was doing it because she was next to Louis. There was no way that she could know anything about me and her.  
"So...uh...Tawny, how're you?" My dad asked her cheerfully to relieve some of the tension.  
"Fine. Thank you. Um...Mr. Steve."  
He chuckled, and my mom smiled.  
I ate quietly, and shot everyone a glance once in a while  
My mom forked at her green beans then looked at Tawny, who was the target of all conversation, "I'm glad to see you and Louis back together."  
"Thanks." She said, and stuffed food into her mouth, in hopes that it would discourage them from talking to her.  
I kicked Louis, noticing her distress, hoping he would come up with some distraction to make them leave the poor girl alone.  
"These beans are really good." He mumbled, and shoveled more into his mouth, "That reminds...me..." He swallowed, and our parents both glared at him, "Where's Beans? He's always over here when we're eating."  
"I don't know, but it's very rude of you to talk with food in your mouth." My mom shook her fork at him. She was always shaking utensils at people.  
"Oh sorry. The beans were so good though."  
"Thank you, Louis." She looked back at Tawny, "Is there anything new going on with you?"  
She shook her head.  
"I always knew you and Louis would be together. I wouldn't be surprised if you got married."  
Her eyes grew wide, and she wiped her hands on her napkin, then put them in her lap, "Well...now...Mrs. Stevens...I'm fifteen, and don't quite think that I should be thinking of that sort of thing right now."  
"Oh, you're going to hurt Louis' feelings. He's right next to you, you know."  
"I'm fine." He said, shrugging.  
Our mom ignored his comment, "Tawny, is there someone else or something that you would rather be with?"  
She swallowed hard, then pulled up her sleeve quickly, glanced at her wrist, and said, "Oh...I should be home. Sorry to be in a hurry, but bye."  
I knew she wasn't wearing a watch, but she had on some bracelets that could pass for a watch as quick as she had done that. I quietly said, "Bye." as she walked passed me to get out of the dining room in a hurry.  
"Tawny, do you need a ride?" My mom asked, just before she reached the door, "Ren could take you."  
"No, I'm fine. I'll walk. I like walking. Walking's dandy." She winced at saying 'dandy', then ran out before anyone could say another word.  
If her behavior wasn't suspicious, then I don't know what was. I'm not sure if it would've been more suspicious for her to take me home, or for her to run out and say the word 'dandy' in a sentence. My mom asking her all those weird questions had to be just a coincidence. I did the dishes when everyone was through, and I wasn't bothered for the rest of the night. School tomorrow. That was dandy. Yep. What would I do at school? Nothing would be good. Acting as normal as possible would be nice. 


	15. Chapter 15

Returning to school after two funerals wasn't exactly fun. Everyone was so depressed, at least it seemed that way, and I couldn't help but feel sad too, even if I did have a lot to be happy about. They had laid off the whole blaming me and Louis thing, at least. I arrived at school that morning, early of course, and casually roamed the halls, trying to find Tawny, but trying not to look like I was looking for anyone.  
"Hey, Ren." Ruby said, as I passed her.  
"Hi." I pulled over and leaned against the lockers. "I was going to call you last night and tell you...something...but I decided not to."  
"Yeah?" Her eyes grew wide, "What is it? Something the matter? Something not the matter? I gotta know!" She was acting more like her old self.  
I hesitated. I didn't know if I should tell her because she is, indeed, the Almighty Gossip Queen, and it could very well leak out before I was ready for it to. I leaned closer to her and whispered, "Me and Tawny."  
"Ooooh." She said, very amused, and still with wide eyes. "Yeah?"  
"Uh...don't tell anyone, ok?"  
"Not even Monique?" She pleaded with her eyes.  
"Yeah...tell her, but make sure no one hears."  
"I need more story, Ren, or else I won't know what to tell her and I might get it wrong."  
Was that a threat? I blinked, and looked down at my feet, trying to figure out what to say, "We're sorta together, but she's claiming to be with Louis...Can I call you this afternoon after school?"  
She nodded eagerly. "Go on your merry way then, and I'll get the info later."  
I walked off down the hall. She was recovering. That was good. I glanced into classrooms as I passed, but found no Tawny. I regretted not paying attention to her when I really wanted to. Had I done so I might actually know where she lurked. She didn't strike me as the type to hang out in a bathroom like Ruby and myself. Library, maybe? She liked quiet.  
Quickening my pace a little, wanting to make it to her before the bell to say hi, I moved down the stairs and started for the library. I was nearly there when someone grabbed my wrist and stopped my movement.  
"Ren, can I talk to you?" It was Twitty.  
"Me?" I didn't feel like it right then, honestly, and I was in a hurry. Nothing against Twitty. He was a nice guy and all, but just...not at that second.  
"Yes, you. I don't know what to do."  
I took a deep breath, "About what?"  
"I feel all uncomfortable at your house, and I think Louis is gonna hate me because I'm spending less time with him."  
"Invite him to your house."  
"Good idea...but you know how he is...he always wants to hang out at his place..."  
"Twitty...I'm sorry, but I can't talk right now. Why don't you try and ask Tawny for advice on the matter? She's good at that sort of thing." I started to walk away.  
"Yeah, I'll do that. Sorry to bother you..."  
"It's ok, really." I said without turning around.  
I opened the door to the library and looked from table to table. Most were uninhabited, but no sign of Miss Dean. I walked toward the back where the magazines were, and peaked around a shelf. There were couches there that were substantially more comfortable than the chairs in the front.  
"Tawny." I whispered.  
The dark-haired girl looked up from the notebook she was writing in, and smiled, "Good morning."  
I smiled, happily, and motioned for her to come to me between the shelves.  
She tilted her head and seemed to think about the situation, then closed her notebook and sat it among the other things of hers next to her on the table. She clipped her pen onto the collar of her shirt as she approached me. "Hi."  
I glanced behind me to make sure no one was around, then I kissed her quickly, and pulled back.  
"Getting brave, Ren, very brave." She whispered.  
I grinned, proud of myself, and put my hair behind my ears, nervously. I didn't know what to say to her. This was so weird, but I was so happy at the same time.  
She chewed her bottom lip, and put her hands in her pockets. She started to move around a little, nervously as well, "I wish...I dunno. Nevermind."  
"What were you writing?" I asked, trying to start conversation.  
"Uh...just some poetry."  
"You gotta let me read it sometime." I said, and touched her cheek with the back of my hand, gently. I kissed her again, and was going to hold it a little longer.  
"Ren-"  
I looked up, "Oh! Nelson..."  
He looked at me, shook his head, then said, "What're you doing in here?"  
"Looking for a book, of course."  
He nodded, "In the health section?"  
I looked at the label on the shelf I was standing next to, "Yes, yes I am."  
"Later." Tawny said, and went back to her stuff.  
"I come here everyday and see if they have any new books." Nelson continued, "I could've sworn you and Tawny were just...um...doing something that you both could get many germs from."  
I forced a laugh, "No, we were just discussing..." I pointed to a random book, "This right here...um...Malaria."  
"Oh. Ok."  
I moved out of his way, and to my pleasure the bell rang. I then fled from him. I caught Tawny on the other side of the shelf, "Hi again."  
"Hello. I think your mom knows."  
"No, she doesn't, seriously."  
"I dunno, Ren..." She walked closely beside me, probably suspiciously close, and had her books under her right arm.  
I see girls once in a while holding hands in the hall, and no one thinks they're going out, or anything like that. They're just best friends. I could do it with Tawny and get away with it, probably. I was Ren Stevens, and no one questions me. We had a few more minutes before the late bell, so I could go with her to class and see what her first period was. I held the door for her when we were leaving the library. I got no odd looks. I carefully brushed my fingertips against her free hand, hoping she would take the hint. I wanted to touch her somehow. I needed something or another to get me through my first class.  
She looked at me like I was crazy, but said nothing, and didn't take my hand.  
"Please..." I whispered.  
Glancing down at our hands, she quickly interlocked our fingers.  
We walked to her class without saying anything to one another, and with our arms brushing lightly against each other's because we were walking so close together. I was sort of trying to hide our joined hands. Arriving at the door, she took me over to the side, and let her hand fall from mine.  
"Well...I'll see you later." I said, wiping my sweaty palm onto the side of my jeans.  
She laughed, then abruptly stopped, "Sorry." She reached under her arms and handed me the notebook she had been writing in, "Here. Give it back to me this afternoon."  
"Do you need a ride?" I asked her, taking it.  
"To where? Your house?"  
"Wherever."  
"I'm going out with your brother, aren't I? I need to go over there while your parents aren't home so we...erm...me and him...can make out and stuff."  
"I should go now before I'm late. Meet me in the parking lot, this afternoon." I turned, and started for the stairs. I had to trek across the school to get to my class. I slid into my desk in the front of the middle row, and put Tawny's notebook on the corner of my desk with my other things.  
The bell hadn't rung yet, and Bobby reached over from his desk and tapped me on my shoulder.  
"Hi?" I said, looking at him, oddly.  
"Err...Ren...I'm really sorry about everything, and I hope that we can stay friends..."  
"I do too." I said, not really giving it much thought. There were other things on my mind.  
"So...uh...can I borrow your notes from the past two days because like...I know you have them, even if you weren't at school. I just need to copy them. I'll give them back as soon as I'm done."  
I smiled, and opened my folder, taking out a few pieces of notebook paper. I handed them to him.  
"Thanks."  
It was Thursday and we'd just be reviewing for the test tomorrow. Bobby would be done copying Tuesday's notes by the time we got through with Monday's, and all would work out well. Who cares? I don't need to review. I'll just study extra tonight. The bell rang, and I slumped down in my seat, I pulled my folder into my lap that had my notes in it, then I put Tawny's notebook in front of it. I'd read her poetry instead of review. I could get away with it.  
Mr. Smith began talking. It's all he ever did on review days. I opened the cover of the notebook, and looked at the first page of neatly written words in black ink. It wasn't all poetry. It was a poem, and then commentary on her own poem. I flipped briefly through the pages, and saw that they were all like that before I began to read. Amusing. Organized too. Very attractive.  
I read the pages one by one, trying to take in all that I could. They were dated individually, and went back into the previous year. First they seemed to be mainly about society, problems with it and such. There were a few to Louis, how her feelings were fading, and how she didn't know how to tell him. A few poems were angry, at herself and people, and then there were poems about love, surprisingly, but they were spiteful toward it, which was less surprising. Several pages into it the tone and mood changed. There was less anger, and there was sadness instead, confusion, and her trying to work out how she was feeling by writing it. Her poems were like thoughts at the moment, and they were all about me. At first she didn't name me specifically, she just called me 'that person who confuses me' and 'that person who will never know how I feel'. Then finally, I was 'my boyfriend's sister', and at last I was 'Ren'. It was like she didn't quite want to acknowledge that it was me.  
I reached a poem that was written a few weeks before my party. Her letters, in that black ink, curved beautifully. It was a short poem, and I glanced down at the bottom, seeing the words 'To Ren'. Yet another poem for me. I was feeling quite special. I read the words.  
  
_You look at me sometimes  
Like there's something you want to find  
Inside of me  
You think I don't notice  
But I can see  
Maybe I see it only  
Because I want to  
Simply because I wish I had you  
_  
My eyes wandered down to the bottom of the page to read the nicely written commentary.  
  
_To Ren. I'm in love with her. She'd never suspect it though. She's in the library with me right now, we're at the same table. Our classes are both in here. She's working on homework, and I'm writing this. She keeps glancing up at me, when she thinks I'm not looking. I wish she'd stop. I hate the way she looks at me because I know she can't be looking at me like I hope she is. I can't believe this happened. I love Ren Stevens.  
_  
"Ren? Ren?"  
I looked to my right, and saw Bobby handing me a few papers back. I grabbed them, and put them in the folder. Then went back to that page. She loves me. I wondered if she'd ever say that to me out loud. This girl really, really liked me. At first she toyed with it, then she realized that she did. I turned the page. I wished I could write like her. I wished I could express how I was feeling in writing. Maybe I could, just not right now.  
I continued thumbing through the pages, not paying attention to anything around me. I got lost in her writing and Bobby had to say my name a few times to bring me back to hand me the rest of my notes. I then went back to reading.  
The bell rang and I jumped, and slammed everything shut. All eyes were on me before everyone started drifting out of the room. I took a deep breath, put my hair behind my ears again, then I got Tawny's notebook out of my own. I gathered my books, and my purse, then started moving out behind everyone else.  
"Ren, can I speak with you?" Mr. Smith said from behind his desk.  
I turned, and walked over to him, "Yes?"  
"I noticed that you were a bit out of it today. Is there something the matter?"  
I shook my head, "No."  
"You were staring at your notes, and twisting you hair instead of paying attention."  
"Oh...I just really enjoyed this chapter."  
"Oh ok." He raised an eyebrow, "You can go now. I was just wondering if there was something bothering you. I wouldn't want your grades to fall, and you're my best student and all."  
"Well...thanks." I walked out, and headed for Tawny's locker. It was on the way to my next class, which I already had my books for. Mr. Smith was more concerned with my grades than I was. He had a bet going with another teacher than I'd have the highest GPA in my class. Silly man. I approached Tawny, and crept up behind her. She didn't notice me. I leaned close to her ear, then said, "Boo."  
She whirled around, bumping her locker with her shoulder and causing it to slam into the head of Louis, whose locker was under his at an angle. He had been bending down to open it. She covered her mouth and said, "Oh God, Louis, I'm sorry."  
He rubbed his head, "It's ok." He stuck two of his fingers through his curly hair, then looked at them, "I'm fine. No blood."  
"Louis, that was so my fault." I said, a little embarrassed.  
"I'm fine, Ren." He rubbed his head again, then opened his locker.  
Tawny laughed, and pulled out another book, "Hi."  
"Hello."  
"I've gotta get to class." She said, shutting her locker, "I'll see you and lunch though, ok?"  
I nodded, and touched her hand briefly before she walked away in the opposite direction that I was going.  
"Hey, Ren, how're things going?" Louis asked me, nicely.  
I shrugged, "Good."  
"Just wondering." He roamed off down the hall after Tawny, saying nothing more.  
Through second period I read the rest of Tawny's poetry. Then I made my way to lunch. I didn't sit with her. I quite wanted to, but it wouldn't work, not yet at least. I went through the line and sat in my normal stop with Ruby and Monique. There were two empty places at our table. They seemed particularly empty, right now, for some reason. Lunch passed in near silence. The only person really talking was Nelson, who I think we all tuned out because he goes on and on about everything. Today it was the unsanitary cleaning of the cafeteria utensils. I'd glance over at Tawny once in a while. She didn't appear to be enjoying lunch either.  
The bell rang, and I lurked around at the door as everyone filed out. I caught Tawny's arm as she passed.  
She looked up at me and smiled, "I hope we move on from this secret thing sometime soon."  
"Yeah..." I regretted being afraid of what people would think if they know Tawny and I were together. It was really stupid of me. I shouldn't care what anyone thinks. All that matters is that I like her. I didn't quite feel like admitting I was wrong about something else this soon. "Well...two more classes."  
"Yep." She grinned, and I released her.  
Third and forth period crept by, but did eventually end, and I proceeded out to the parking lot, where I was met by Louis, and Twitty. "Where's Tawny?"  
Twitty shrugged, and Louis answered, "Probably still inside. Usually it takes a few minutes for people to get their stuff together. You were out here like thirty seconds after the bell rang."  
"Oh." I guess I was. I did kind of hurry a bit more than usual.  
The three of us stood around out of the way of the other people moving toward their cars. It was hot out, and I was starting to sweat. I didn't like it. Shouldn't have worn pants today. I could see that Louis was starting to grow impatient.  
"Dude, maybe she's not coming." Twitty suggested, after a moment of Louis pacing.  
"She'll come." I said defensively.  
Louis mumbled something under his breath, and I couldn't hear him.  
Tawny walked out of the doors right after that, and came up to us, "Sorry, I'm kinda slow. Mrs. Penigrew made me stay after class."  
"It's no problem." I said, jovially, and we all made our way to the far end of the parking lot to my Jeep. I had to park far away because I was only a sophomore and the nearer spaces were reserved for the upperclassmen. Twitty and Tawny crawled into the back, and Louis got the passenger's seat. It was an unwritten rule that my brother got to ride in the front. I don't know who came up with it, and no one ever argued about it, so he just always sat in the front. I'd only had the car for a few days, so it might change.  
I parked on the side of the road again, then let the two out of the back. Upon entering the house we all went our separate ways. Louis and Twitty heading for the kitchen, and Tawny and I making our way upstairs. Not a word was said, everything was merely implied.  
Tawny followed me into my room, and shut the door behind her. I sat my book bag in its place, then pulled her notebook out of it, and handed it to her. She placed it with her things, then stood on the opposite side of the bed and put her hands in her pockets.  
"So...you wanna make out?" She asked, looking around and avoiding me.  
I smiled, surprised at what she said, "No...I actually just wanted to talk."  
"Oh." She seemed amused.  
I laid down sideways on my bed, so that my head was near her and my legs dangled off the other side. "Your poetry was...uh..." I tried to quickly think of what she'd want me to say, "Good."  
She raised an eyebrow and looked down at me. She didn't get to look down at me very often. "Anything else?"  
"Interesting?"  
"Ren, shut up."  
I blinked, and said no more, figured she was mad at me for something. She laid down on the bed next to me, but the opposite way with her head down near my legs. She propped herself up on her elbows, and looked at me, tilting her head a little. I sat up, being careful not to touch her, scared to by now, and sat facing her.  
"Ren...don't look at me like that..."  
I turned away, not realizing I had been looking at her any certain way. I kept thinking about how she had written that she loved me. I couldn't even repay her for that. I was afraid of what people would do and say, if they knew. "I'm sorry."  
"For what?"  
"For caring what people think."  
"There's no one here right now..."  
"I know...but this feels really awkward...or something..."  
She sighed, "Wanna make out?"  
I laughed a little, and put my arms around her. She welcomed my embrace, and I soon felt her lips on my shoulder. The moved to my neck and I shuddered. She started to suck lightly, and I pushed her away, "None of that..."  
She blushed slightly, "Sorry."  
Immediately after she had gotten the words out, I kissed her. Her lips and tongue pressed against mine, and she somehow managed to get me on my back again. I wanted to touch her, her skin, and not just all the clothes she was wearing. She was dressed like it was winter, long sleeves and pants. I slid my hands up her shirt, and ran them up her back. I searched for the clasp of her bra, but couldn't find it.  
"The front..." she muttered, when she pulled away for air for a few seconds. She tried to get herself positioned better on top of me, and jammed her knee into my stomach. "Sorry..."  
I grunted, and tried to get her bra off of her again, forgetting quickly about the sharp pain she had caused me, as she attacked my mouth with hers. I found the little hitch and soon had it undone. There was no way to get it off unless I stripped her of her shirts, and that was too much trouble at the moment, so I made due with what I'd done.  
Tawny pulled herself away from me again, and sat up completely, before I was ready for her to. I made a pouty face, and she said, "I'm sorry...I just...gotta take off my shoes." She ripped her shoes off without untying them, then took mine off while she was down there. "What time're your parents gonna be home?"  
I shrugged, and grabbed onto the front of her shirt to pull her back down. This time I moved my hands down to her ass, and pulled her body closer to mine. Why'd she have to be wearing pants again?! I couldn't take it. I let go and squeezed my hands between us, trying to undo her button and zipper. I got them both undone, and tried to pull them down some, while still kissing her.  
"Not fair..." She mumbled and sat up more.  
I became slightly confused, "Wha?"  
"Take yours off."  
I swallowed hard. "Get off me."  
She shook her pants off and let them fall to the floor with her shoes, then sat up on my pillows, and pulled off the long-sleeved shirt she was wearing, leaving on the plain white t-shirt that was underneath. She pulled her bra off and threw it to the floor too, then looked at me.  
I stared at her, sitting there like some kind of queen wearing very little, and took off my own pants. I kicked them to the floor with everything else. Then I crawled over to her, and looked her over once more. She was wearing deep red underwear, and I kept staring at them. I couldn't stop. She should take them off too. No! Bad Ren!  
"Don't rape me." She whispered.  
I looked up at her and laughed, then moved in on her again. This time I pressed her against the wall, and pinched her bare thighs as we kissed, while she contently had her arms around me, keeping me from escaping.  
I heard a knock on my door, assumed it was Louis, and paid no mind to it, figuring he'd go away if I didn't answer.  
"Ren, honey?"  
I jumped off of Tawny, and scrambled for clothes, "Hold on, mom!" 


	16. Chapter 16

"Is something the matter, Ren?" My mom called, knocking again.  
"No, just don't come in yet." I said, and threw Tawny's clothes at her, quickly pulling on my own. My face was damp with sweat, and my makeup was partially smeared. I attempted to fix it in a hurry, but to no avail. I tried to just wipe it all off with my hands.  
"Ren?"  
"Hold on, mom!" I yelled, looking back at Tawny. Making my face raw from rubbing. I was shiny now. Stupid idea.  
She was trying to hurry and put on her clothes. Her shirt was slung over her shoulder, and she couldn't seem to pull up her pants, "Shit." She hissed, "You're in my pants."  
I looked down, and realized that the pants that were on me were far baggier than I normally wore them, and they fit me rather loosely, "She won't notice." I said between my teeth, and lunged at her. "Get your damn shirt on."  
"Ow! My ear!" She squealed as I jerked her shirt down over her head.  
"Zip my pants." I said, pointing toward her crotch, and heading for the door.  
"I can't. You're anorexic!" She said, forcefully, pushing her arms through her sleeves.  
I sneered and opened the door, partially, "Hi, mom," I said happily, "You're home early?"  
She raised an eyebrow, "No. What..." She paused, and her eyes scanned what of my room she could like she was looking for something. "What was going on in here?"  
"Studying." I said quickly, scared to look behind me and see Tawny with my pants on and them unzipped.  
She started to push her way into my room, but I held the door firmly, and she took the hint. "Why'd it take you so long to open the door?"  
"We were...uh..."  
"Strip studying." Tawny said under her breath.  
I shot a quick glare at her, and my mom said, "Excuse me?"  
She shook her head and shrugged, looking innocent, "I didn't say anything."  
"Ren, you've been acting odd lately." She said concerned, looking back at me.  
"No, I haven't." I protested, and tried to have an expression of confusion. Don't know how well it worked.  
"You have, and well, I don't want to accuse you of lying, but I don't think you two were studying."  
I swallowed hard, and found it difficult to speak. Nothing was coming out. She knew. She fucking knew. I glanced back at Tawny, and she was scrunched up, with her arms around her knees, so that her open fly wouldn't be exposed.  
"We were trying on each others' clothes. We have completely different styles, and she wanted to see what she would look like wearing my clothes." Tawny lied.  
"Oh..." Mom didn't buy it, I could tell, "Well...why'd you tell me you two were studying, Ren?"  
"We were studying." I told her. "Clothing." I added quickly, nodding, like I knew what I was talking about.  
"Ok." She nodded as well, but it didn't convince me that she was clueless, and then she shut my door and walked away.  
I stood there for a while, making sure she wasn't going to pop back in, and surprise us. How could she know? Maybe it was a coincidence, and she just thought we were doing drugs or something like that, and it merely seemed like she knew about us. In the midst of my thoughts I mumbled out loud, "She knows...."  
"I told you." Tawny snapped.  
"Shut up, and give me my pants. I think you should go home." I said, sitting down on the end of the bed.  
"That would be suspicious, wouldn't it? If I just left?"  
I shrugged, and she rested her chin on my shoulder, "Why don't you just tell her?"  
"What if it's all coincidences and it only seems like she knows?"  
"Tell her and get it over with whether she really knows or not."  
"I can't do that. Give me my damn pants, Tawny." I shook her off of me, and started to take her pants off, avoiding looking at her.  
She sighed, and handed my pants back to me, then sat next to me, "This would probably get a lot easier if you told your parents..."  
"Not yet."  
"Ok. I don't wanna pressure you or anything." She said, sweetly. Her being sweet was pressuring me, and she didn't know it.  
I took a deep breath. Maybe she was trying to pressure me by not pressuring me. No. Silly to think that. I turned and looked at her anyway, "Um...this might sound weird..."  
"Ok." She looked down at my lap, "Are you gonna put your pants back on?"  
"Heh...oh yeah." I was still holding them. I put them on quickly, then prepared to talk again, "Well...Are you aware that like...when you say that you don't want to pressure me, you're pressuring me?"  
She hesitated, "Do you think I'm trying to pull some reverse psychology on you?"  
I shrugged.  
"I'm not, I promise. You're way too cute of a person for me to do anything evil like that to you..."  
I smiled. She was doing it again. She wasn't meaning to. "Every time you say things like that it makes me want to...err..."  
"I'm sorry, Ren." She grinned, "I'm not meaning to, really. Just...don't try to do anything major with me until you're ready. I'm not ready to do anything myself, so...I'd probably stop you if you did, and beat some sense into you."  
"It's not like we could get each other pregnant." I said, as soon as the thought popped into my head.  
She elbowed me, and made me fall over, "You wanna rape me, don't you?"  
I shook my head, excessively. "No, of course not."  
"You're a liar..." She whispered, and started pinching my knee.  
Sighing, I sat up and swatted her hand away, "You're a bad influence on me. I never really even thought about anything bad like that until you came along."  
"Did I turn you gay?" She asked me, quizzically. Her expression reminded me of a confused puppy.  
"If you weren't so nice, and...hot...and...yes, it's your fault!" I stuck out my tongue, and crossed my arms, trying to be pouty.  
Her mouth curved into a crooked smile, "You turned me gay too. So there."  
"Shut up. Go play with Louis."  
She didn't move.  
I put my arms around her, and kissed her forehead lightly, "I'll tell my mom...another day, but right now, go and hang out with Louis...but don't make out with him or anything like that."  
"Don't worry." She said before squirming away, and leaving.  
She left an hour or so after that, to prevent herself from being invited for dinner again. I couldn't have handled that anyway. There were no more disturbances or suspicious behavior from the parents, but I still had difficultly sleeping, there was too much going on in my head, and I stayed up studying for the test in first period. I had difficulty doing that too, but it was more constructive than laying in bed.  
I chewed on the end of my highlighter. Perfect Ren Stevens wasn't perfect anymore. Why was Louis trying to help with everything? It still made no sense, and I was a little suspicious. Maybe he wanted to ruin me once and for all. He'd probably told mom about me and Tawny and said that I forced him to pretend they were going out. No...he wouldn't do that. That was lower than low, and my brother wasn't that low of a person. He was just into pranks, he wouldn't try to utterly ruin my life. And if my mom knew, then why didn't she just say so? Did she want me to tell her myself? Was dad in on it?  
I put the cap on the highlighter, and decided I should sleep because thinking was giving me a headache.  
The next day started out far better once I'd gotten some sleep. No one was acting at all suspicious. I grabbed some toast, and headed out. Maybe I had just overreacted about everything. It's not like I'd never overreacted about anything before.  
It was Friday. Maybe I could stay with Ruby so I could get out of my house. I got to school, and went for the library. Tawny was sitting in the same chair she had been in yesterday.  
"Did you tell them?" She asked, looking up at me.  
"No." I responded immediately.  
"Do you think you could come over this weekend?" She said, optimistically.  
I chuckled slightly, "Not after what happened yesterday."  
"Oh..." She seemed disappointed. "It's like we're having an affair."  
After finishing the test in first period. My mind bubbled with ideas. Ideas that were uncharacteristic of me. I couldn't wait until lunch, where I would start enacting my brilliant and very risky plan. I smiled, and chewed on the end of my pen, staring at the blackboard directly in front of me. 


	17. Chapter 17

"Ruby, I need to ask you for a favor."  
"No, Ren, I can't give you a make over. I've got far too much homework."  
I squinted, and looked around, very confused. Where'd that come from? Did I need a makeover or something? "Errr...well...can I stay at your house tonight, but not actually stay at your house...like...ya know, you tell my parents that I'm at your house if they call?"  
"You gotta plan things out better than that. In order to get away with such a thing you gotta think it through. I thought better of you, you being the genius that you are."  
I sat down, flattered by her comment, and prepared to explain the minor details of my plan to her, when I was interrupted abruptly by Nelson, "Oh no. You shouldn't tell you parents you're going to a certain place and not actually being there. It's not safe. Something could happen to you and then no one would know where you are, and you could...you know...the d-word."  
"Thanks, Nelson, really." I turned back to Ruby, "As I was about to say...I'll come over to your house and stay there for a while, so that if my parents go by or something, they'll see my car at your place, and they'll think that I'm there. Around six or seven, I'm gonna leave, then I'll come back around lunch time the next day, and stay with you a bit more."  
She shrugged, "Sounds good."  
Monique finally decided to say something. She'd been quiet without her sidekick. I needed to find her someone new, but it was hard to replace people, and it wouldn't be good to do it this soon, of course. "So...Ren, what's going on?" She moved her eyebrows up and down, "Where're you going, other than Ruby's?"  
"Eh...Tawny's."  
"Oh." She straightened herself up, and went back to her food.  
Ruby mouthed, "She's not too keen on the you and Tawny thing."  
"What's going on at Tawny's, some kind of party?" Nelson asked. The poor guy was clueless.  
"Yeah...in their pants." Ruby mumbled, then giggled, and coughed in an attempt to cover it up. She was getting a whole lot of amusement from this.  
I shook my head, "We're working on a project together."  
"Sex!" Ruby coughed again.  
Nelson was oblivious like I wished my mother was, and he looked at Ruby concerned, "Do you need a cough suppressant?"  
I laughed, followed by Ruby, and even Monique joined in, while Nelson sat very dazed, and confused. He couldn't understand why we were laughing at Ruby's cough. Then the laughter was halted, Tom approached, looking very serious. All heads turned to him. He cleared his throat, then handed me a slip of paper, "I've been asked to deliver this to you at all costs, and if I did not, then I would be beaten by a girl, so I assume it is of the utmost importance."  
"Well...open it, Ren." Ruby encouraged.  
I unfolded it and read.  
  
_Get over here, plans are needing to be discussed. I was told by Twitty, who was told by Louis, who was told by you, that you had a plan. Would be good to fill me in, yes?_  
  
Laughing a little, a stuffed the paper into my pocket, "You guys, I've got business to attend to at another table." I looked at Tom, "You escorting me too?"  
"Yes, I am." He said, politely. "My leader commanded it, and I must obey."  
I rushed over to Tawny's table, giving little thought to the future serial killer, and squeezed in between her and Louis on the seat, then explained my plan. She agreed, rather happily, to say the least.  
"This note thing is starting to be kinda fun." She said, after approving my plan.  
"Quite. I should write to you more."  
"Yeah. You're turning me into a loser." She squeezed my thigh lightly under the table where no one could see. Then she ran her hand up and down the inside of my leg. I didn't stop her, I couldn't. We were sitting close enough together to hide everything from view, and I attempted to act like she was doing nothing.  
"Aww...I'm sorry." Both of my hands were above the table where everyone could see them.  
She continued to gently touch my leg. Every light touch felt more like a flame that shot up my body. She smiled oddly, like she had when she wanted to peek in on Donnie and Twitty at my party.  
"Fuck this..." I said softly.  
"What?" She said a little confused, and not hearing me properly, I guess. I was saying it more to myself anyway.  
I didn't have far to go, but I nervously, moved my face to hers, and our lips together. She was more tense than she'd ever been, and she seemed to have gone completely stiff on me like she did when I hugged her most of the time. I heard plates and silverware clatter, and I moved back from her to look around and see what I'd caused. So much for keeping it hushed for a while.  
Eyes were on me, not only at the table I was at, but from surrounding ones, and word spread fast. There were people getting up to look, but they saw nothing. The show was over. It wasn't much of one. I wouldn't have paid to see it.  
An individual that I hadn't spoken to for much of the year strolled up, and stood on the opposite side of the table from me. She was slender, walked gracefully, and radiated with a bitch-aura if there is such a thing. She flipped her dark hair from her shoulder with one hand, then put them both on her hips, and titled her head at me. I attempted to read her expression. I wasn't sure if it was anger, happiness, or sheer amusement at the situation.  
"Well...Ren...I guess this means that Bobby Deaver is on the market yet again, and you're no longer a threat to us at all?" She said.  
"Yes, Mandy." I groaned. With my luck she'd probably fall for Tawny, and try to steal her from me like she'd done with Bobby in middle school.  
"That's good." She said no more, and walked off, arrogantly.  
That was easy enough. I looked back at Tawny. She was blushing...a lot. "Uh...you ok?" I asked poking her with one finger, "Still breathing?"  
"Yep...wow. That was that Sanchez girl, yeah?" She asked wide-eyed.  
I nodded.  
"God, Ren, you've got balls..." Twitty muttered.  
"She doesn't...I'm pretty sure." Tawny pointed out, slightly defensively.  
Twitty continued, "Dude...I wish I could be that open with Donnie...and just like tell-" He stopped mid-sentence.  
There was a second of silence. He hadn't realized he'd said that out loud, I don't think. Louis slowly turned to look at him across the table, "What?" He shook his head, then said, much louder, "What?!"  
The shaken boy ran his hand through his hair, a nervous habit. "I meant...errr...uh... Donnie...she's a girl in my...err...Algebra class, dude."  
Louis shoved a few French fries into his face, then shook his greasy fingers at his best friend, "No, Twitty. You're talking about my brother. Don't lie to me, man."  
"No, Louis, I swear...no." He protested.  
"Twitty, dude, why didn't you tell me? Didn't you trust me?" He seemed very heart-broken over this, and Tawny and I sat silently, observing.  
"No...it's not that. It's not like...shhh...Let's not talk about it now, ok?"  
"Yes, we need to talk about this now!" Louis slammed his fists onto the table. "I'm in love with Monique!"  
There was complete silence. Total silence. Utter silence. Deafening silence. Again, the lunch-goers were diverted from their food and back to the table where I was. This was getting me far more attention than I wanted. A tiny kiss, had caused chaos.  
I turned and saw Monique, a few tables away. She covered her mouth, and her eyes looked as if they would project themselves out of her head in seconds. Louis was facing away from her, looking far too terrified to turn around.  
Tawny tapped me on my shoulder, "I'm way hotter than her, right?"  
"Of course." I whispered, then realized Monique was approaching us, walking like she was on a mission.  
"Louis!" She squealed, and slapped him on the back.  
"Errr...I...uh..." He turned around, "Hi...Monique..."  
She put out her arms, "I'm in love with you too! I have been ever since that dance when I was in eighth grade! The Sadie Hawkin's dance!"  
Louis' mouth fell open, then twisted into, what I found to be, a very frightening smile-like expression. A few incomprehensible noises were made. Then he leapt up, nearly knocking me over backwards, and shoved his face right between Monique's, very large breasts, and embraced her for a hug.  
Monique laughed loudly, and I heard Louis say something, very muffled, that sounded like "Boob Heaven".  
Tawny heard the phrase as well, and again, tapped me on my shoulder, "Do you like my boobs?"  
"Yes!" I shouted, over the noise.  
"That's damn good to know!" She yelled, over the raucous that had erupted in the normally calm cafeteria. The bell rang, and the people scattered while talking endlessly about the events that had unfolded in front of the entire school during lunch. After I got up, Tawny put her arms around my waist from behind, and said, "Today's been interesting, and I expect to be getting many phone calls this afternoon, which will be likely to interrupt us."  
"Huh?"  
"You'll see." She quickly told me, then disappeared quickly in the crowd of people, leaving me to stand there.  
I watched the last person leave the cafeteria, and I stood there between tables, holding my books. I smiled, then walked out. The talk of the school was, as expected, the odd things that unfolded at lunch, and as for those that were too far away to see what happened, they ended up with farfetched stories. My favorite of the day was that Tawny and myself were making out on the table and kicking lunch trays all over the place. Someone even claimed to be hit by one of these flying trays. I didn't mind the rumors, didn't care, I was happy. Really happy. For once. All of the awards, and good grades I'd gotten had never made me this happy.  
At the end of the day, I was happy, Tawny was happy, but seemed to be concerned with interruptions in our activities, Louis was not only happy, but giddy like a school girl, Twitty was rather stunned, and Tom was, for some reason, being very mopey.  
I stopped by my own house to get my belongings, and drop off Louis, Twitty, and Tawny. On my way out, I yelled to Louis, "Tell mom and dad that I'm staying at Ruby's, and to call if they need anything!"  
"Ok, sis!"  
"If you say that one more time, I'll rip your heart out with my bare hands!" I heard Tawny shriek.  
"What? Sis?"  
I exited before I could hear any more, and drove to Ruby's. I had no urge to be a witness to such a horrid crime. The moment I stepped in, she greeted me, "Ren, I have a great idea!"  
"Mmmkay..." I said, sitting down on the couch.  
She plopped down next to me, "Leave your Jeep here, duh!"  
That would help. Tawny lived a whole five minutes away. "Yeah, Ruby! That would work! I should call Tawny and tell her to stop by here on her way home, and we can walk together."  
"How romantic..." Ruby said in a disgustingly dreamy voice.  
I grabbed the phone from the end-table, and dialed my own number, wondering what had happened to all of Ruby's homework.  
"Yellow?" Said Louis.  
"Give Tawny to me."  
"I already did, sis." There was a pause, an odd noise, then shrill feminine screams that could only be from my little brother.  
"Hey Ren. Miss me already?" Tawny said, nicely.  
"Of course I did. Uh...on your way home come by Ruby's and I'll walk with you. I'm leaving my Jeep."  
"Good job."  
"Yeah, I know. It was Ruby's idea."  
"That scares me...I...should go now before Louis hurts himself with the blender."  
"Bye."  
"Bye-Oh God, Louis, don't put that in there!" She screamed and hung up.  
I looked at Ruby after hanging up the phone, hoping she had something to keep me amused. She just looked back at me, almost like she wanted the same thing. I shrugged, then she shrugged, and turned on the TV. I started to think our friendship had been killed by this bizarre relationship of mine.  
"Any new gossip?" I asked, finally.  
"Um...a lot of the most popular gossip was revealed today at lunch, so it's no longer gossip."  
"C'mon, Ruby." I encouraged, "There's gotta be somebody we can talk about...for old time's sake...and to pass the time..."  
Ruby pondered, and continued looking for something on TV, "Oh...I know!" She blurted out suddenly. The thought had just struck her in the head at that moment. "Nelson likes somebody...dunno who. Tom has a thing for Louis-"  
"I knew that last one. I've been thinking it forever."  
"Oh really?" She looked at me suspiciously, then burst into laughter.  
"What?" I tried to narrow my eyes and look menacing.  
"I just thought...of...something else..." She said between cackles.  
"Well, tell me." I crossed my arms, not liking not knowing what was funny.  
"You and Tawny..."  
"What about us?"  
Ruby took a deep breath, then spoke again, more sensibly this time, but not looking at me, "Ren, you don't know anything about anything."  
"Huh?"  
"Sex, Ren."  
"So?" I wasn't sure if I should be offended or not, but I wasn't at the moment.  
"Well...you like...have no experience."  
I squinted, "I think I've been doing fine so far." I hesitated, "Do you want me to practice on you?"  
"Hell no!"  
Laughing, I said, "That's good."  
"Don't scare me like that..." She muttered.  
I got my bag out of my Jeep, then went and sat some more. I felt like I was waiting for my turn to go talk to the Dean of Admissions at a college. I had that nervous, but excited and happy feeling. Ruby and I did our nails, and ate junk food. Her parents left us completely alone, and around six o'clock, the door bell rang. I jumped up and peeked out the window to see who it was before answering it.  
Tawny.  
I straightened my shirt, and looked at my hair in the reflection before opening the door, "Hi."  
"Should I come in, or are we going?" She asked, peeking around me to look inside the house.  
"You can come in for a second, I guess."  
"Ok." She stepped in, "Ruby doesn't hate me, does she?"  
"Nah." I said, and walked into the kitchen. She followed me.  
Ruby waved, "You two leaving?"  
"I guess so."  
"Ok. Bye. Call me tomorrow and tell me what happens!" She started to shoo us out. She was cooking dinner for herself.  
Tawny glared at me, and I attempted an innocent smile. "Thanks Ruby." I said before grabbing my stuff, "I'll...be coming back here tomorrow."  
"Oh yeah. Forget calling me."  
We walked out quickly, and I shut the door behind us, "Uh..."  
"What was that about?"  
"Um...nothing?"  
She glared at me.  
"Nothing, really." Her hand found her way to mine, and we started down the sidewalk.  
"Hmph."


	18. Chapter 18

"So...what do you wanna do?" Tawny asked me, after opening the door and letting me into her house ahead of her.  
I shrugged, and started up the stairs, knowing where her room was. It was about all I knew of her house. I felt around on the wall for the light because it was now fairly dark, but I couldn't find the switch.  
Tawny came in and flipped it on, then grinned, and put her things down in a corner that was obviously meant for them. I just dropped mine in the middle of the floor, then stood there. She looked at me, and said, "My dad should be home soon. He probably picked up some food. I've gotta go check and see who called. The answering machine's downstairs."  
"Does your dad know...about us?" I asked before moving a single step.  
"Well...yeah, sorta." She rolled her eyes, "Before we do anything...if you wanna do anything, of course, I should call everyone that's called me." She stopped at the door, and waited for me.  
"Why would anyone call you?"  
"Business." She muttered, and we both started back down the stairs.  
"Like what kind of business? Do you deal crack or something?"  
"Uh...no. A different kind of business. I get paid for my services."  
"Oh my God...you're a prostitute."  
"I should have known that was coming." She sighed, "No, just come on and you'll see."  
We strolled into the den, and she sat in the chair, and looked at the Caller ID. She raised an eyebrow, and I asked, "Can you tell me your business now?"  
"Tom's called three times, just as I suspected...expected him to call more though, and one from Twitty. Less people than I thought." She said mostly to herself.  
"Please tell me you're not a prostitute."  
"Yes, Ren, I am indeed a prostitute." She said sarcastically. I sat on the couch, and watched her pick up the phone. "Hi, can I speak to Tom please?" She paused, "Yes, this is Tawny. I'm returning his call." She covered the receiver and looked at me, "Psychiatry."  
"That's illegal, you don't have a license to do that."  
"If I didn't think you were so damn hot, I'd kick you for saying that."  
I smiled, "You get paid?"  
She nodded.  
"Why didn't I ever have to pay?"  
"You figure it out."  
I knew I never had to pay for her advice because she liked me. That was so nice. I sat and listened quietly while she talked to Tom in her very calm manner, instructing him to find a new person to focus his attention on instead of Louis because Louis wasn't worth the stress he caused himself. The conversation went on an incredibly long time, at least it felt like it did. Tom was very stubborn, and Tawny kept repeating everything she said over and over.  
Her dad walked in and greeted us both. I nodded unsurely.  
"I'm almost done." Tawny said to me, noticing how very boring it was to listen to her talk to someone that wasn't me.  
I sat through her conversation with Twitty as well. I didn't know my way around her house, and I didn't feel like wondering around with her dad present. Twitty wasn't as stubborn as Tom, so it didn't take her nearly as long. The moment she hung up, I got up and stretched.  
"Wanna eat something?" She asked.  
I blinked. What'd she want me to eat? "Uh..."  
"I mean food. Sorry, shoulda clarified that, I suppose." She motioned for me to follow her.  
I did, reluctantly, into the kitchen. Her dad was sitting at the table looking at some magazine. He looked up when we entered, "She staying the night, Tawny?"  
"Yeah." She stated, plainly, and opened the refrigerator, "Did you bring any food home?"  
"Nope. You guys can just eat what you want. "  
I snickered.  
"I mean..." He started to correct himself, "Eat whatever you can find...in the kitchen...err...that's edible...and...nutritious."  
I laughed a little more.  
"Dad, you're scaring her."  
"I apologize. Hey, why don't you two order a pizza or Chinese? I ate on the way home."  
Tawny looked at me, and waited for my choice.  
"Chinese is good."  
Mr. Dean scribbled down what we wanted. He was nice. I'd never spent much time around him. Tawny asked him to call us when the food arrived, then she pulled me back up to her room. She looked around nervously, "So...uh...what do you wanna do?"  
"I'd like to know where your mom is."  
"Why?"  
I laughed, nervously, "Because I feel bad leaving your dad downstairs all alone."  
"That's kinda weird. She's away for business stuff. She's almost always away."  
"I noticed that. I was just wondering. I'd like to know stuff about you before we...um..."  
"Have lots of sex?"  
"Yeah..."  
She turned on the TV, "Anything else?"  
"Um..." I thought for a moment or so, "Yeah. You're afraid to touch me all of a sudden, aren't you?"  
"Sorta. Yeah. I just don't wanna do anything wrong, and make you mad or something."  
"Awww!" I squealed.  
She winced, "Don't 'awww' at me."  
"But you're so cute!"  
"I'm not." She crossed her arms, and glared, but it had no real affect on me.  
"Stop arguing with me, Tawny. You're cute and you know it."  
She shrugged, then her lips twisted into a half-smile, "Yeah, I guess I am."  
I flopped down onto her bed, "Don't be afraid of me. Remember, I got kinda annoyed with Bobby because all he would do is give me high-fives."  
Laughing, she came over and sat at the head of her bed, using the wall to rest her back on, "Come back here."  
"Don't laugh at Bobby. He can't help it he's dumb." I moved back, and then laid my head on her lap. She was sitting with her leg's crossed, and she looked down at me a little confused, but said nothing. "Your dad seems pretty understanding." I tried to get some conversation going.  
"He is, and you should tell your parents. It's not like they're excessively conservative, homophobic cabbages."  
"Cabbages, huh?"  
"Yeah. Bobby is a type of cabbage, and Twitty is a kind of cabbage, as is Donnie, no offense to you."  
"That reminds me, what's Twitty gonna do about the Donnie stuff?"  
"He talked to Louis, finally, after I told him to do it days ago, and all's well in that area. I told him that he should tell Donnie, and that should get it off his chest no matter what the outcome is. He's just confused. I don't think he really likes Donnie or anything like that."  
"Oh...sounds good."  
"Of course it does. I said it."  
"Tawny! Food!" Her dad called from downstairs before I could comment on her ego.  
"Get off." She said, and slid out from under me when I lifted my head. She exited, and I used the opportunity to see if there was anything on TV to watch while we ate. Nothing much that was interesting. I left it on the Discovery Channel figuring something interesting would come on after a while. A few minutes later, she came back with some boxes, "Had to get forks." She said, and handed one to me, "Chopsticks don't work right."  
"What're we gonna do after we finish?" I asked, and grabbed a box of rice.  
She shrugged, "Whatever you want." She glanced at the TV, "You put it on the Discovery Channel..."  
"It's educational."  
"Uh huh. Can you do anything and not be concerned with educational content?"  
"Not really. No."  
She rolled her eyes, "I've gotta cure you of that."  
"I've gotta cure you of your stiffness when I hug you." I said, and shook my fork at her.  
"Your mom does that." She pointed out, and nodded toward my fork.  
"I know."  
"So...gonna tell her?"  
"She already knows."  
Tawny groaned, and gave up to eat her food.  
Conversation shifted frequently throughout the meal, and the topics were various. She was easy to talk to, despite her sarcasm, cynicism, and ego. She wasn't condescending, though she did think that she knew most everything. When she didn't know something she was quick to admit it, and willing to figure it out. After we finished we took the leftovers down and put them in the refrigerator. We popped into the living room and thanked her dad before going back upstairs.  
"So...what now?" She asked. Again she was standing far from me.  
"I dunno..." I paused, and remembered what Ruby had said earlier, "Um...while I was at Ruby's she said something about how I don't know...um...how to do it." I sighed, and laid down on her bed on my stomach.  
"Do what? It? Sex?" She laid down next to me, but on her back with her hands behind her head.  
"Yeah...I've got no experience whatsoever...in any way...never been past first base, ya know...except with you..."  
"Oh...well...I won't have anything to compare it to if you suck ass...well...if we do anything like that, that is."  
"Yeah..." I sighed again, "I dunno if I feel like it."  
"That's ok."  
I smiled. "Come here...closer." She rolled onto her side, and propped her head up with her arm. I did the same, but on the opposite arm, so that I was facing her. "I promise that I'll tell my parents when I get home tomorrow."  
"That'll be good. If they go crazy and try to kill you, then tell me, and I'll protect you."  
"You?" I laughed. "You're so little...and-"  
She kissed me softly, cutting off my sentence. "Ren...I will."  
I slipped my arms around her, and pulled her down and close to me, "Ok."  
Our faces laid close together, and I just looked into her eyes. I felt like I could do it forever. The TV was still on in the background. It was some nature show. I couldn't tell what it was about.  
"Spider Monkeys-" Said the voice on TV.  
I sat up, "Ooh. Spider Monkeys."  
"Damn." Tawny turned the TV off, "Spider Monkeys are spawns of Satan." She mumbled, and pulled me back down beside her.  
"They're not. They're cute."  
"Cuter than me?" She said with wide eyes, looking like she would cry at any second.  
"No way!"  
"Then why'd you leave me for the Spider Monkeys?"  
"I just wanted to look at them for a second."  
"Fine."  
I laid back down, "Do you realize how really stupid that moment was that we just had?"  
"Yeah, but no one'll know about it except you and me."  
I faintly heard the doorbell ring, and was about to sit up and, but she threw her arm over me, signaling for me to stay down where I was. "But- "  
"No buts. It's probably just someone needing directions or a neighbor or something wanting advice from my dad. You are some kind of paranoid maniac."  
I took her word for it, and agreed with her diagnosis. "You write nice poetry."  
"Ok...nice smooth and seamless subject change." Typical Tawny-sarcasm at its best was used.  
"It-"  
Someone burst into her room and cut me off. "Ren!"  
We both sat up immediately.  
"Oh my gosh!" I yelled.  
My mom and dad were both inside the room, and I spotted Louis and Mr. Dean just outside of the threshold of the door. My mom looked from me to Tawny, and back again several times, "What's going on, Ren? You've got some explaining to do."  
"Um...well..." I stood up, and cleared my throat. I started to fiddle with my hands behind my back, nervously.  
"Well?"  
I looked down at everyone's feet, couldn't look at their faces at the moment. How had this happened? Why were they here? "I...uh...I'm...I'm in love with Tawny!" I yelled, not meaning to. "That wasn't so hard." I said quietly to myself. Then I looked up at everyone's expressions. Louis and Mr. Dean were still lurking outside the door, and my parents were both wide- eyed with gaping mouths. Louis told them, and then they called Ruby and she blew my cover even more. Needed to explain! I talked very fast, "I really like her, and I didn't wanna tell you guys cus I thought you hate me and kill me, and stuff like that. Louis was lying about going out with her so that it would give her an excuse to come over, and I wanted to stay with her. Not to do anything bad or anything like that, but just to spend time with her because I don't really get to. I don't see her at school very much, and when she comes over it's only for a few hours, and it's always really awkward because I was trying to keep us a secret, so I left my Jeep and Ruby's, and claimed to be over there, when I was really over here. Sorry. Don't be mad at me..."  
My dad started to say something, but Tawny got up, stood in front of me, and started yelling at them, "If either of you are mad at her for liking me, and don't want to try to understand then...then you're..."  
"Cabbages." I whispered.  
She shook her fist at them, "Cabbages! Heartless cabbages...that was not good word choice, but you should get the point! She can't help that she likes me, and I can't help that I like her! There's nothing you can do to change our minds, and there's nothing wrong with it, especially if neither of us can help it! And-"  
"Tawny, be quiet for a minute and let the people talk." Her dad said from behind my parents, then he ducked out of sight again.  
"Ren..." My mom began, "We're disappointed that you thought you couldn't tell us this. We knew all along."  
"Told you." Tawny said between her teeth.  
"Shush." I pushed her away from me and she stumbled into her open closet, then I directed my attention back to the parental units, "Why didn't you say something? It would've saved a lot of people a lot of trouble."  
"We wanted you to tell us yourself." She continued, "You'd always been so open with us before."  
"Who told you? Was it Louis or did you read a note from my room? If it was Louis, then I'll rip his arms off as soon as I get home, and if you read-."  
"There's no need for arm ripping." My dad said, "It was Mr. Dean. He called us and told us everything."  
"Dad!" Tawny yelled.  
His head poked around the corner, and he smiled, "I'm sorry. I just thought it would help if they had me explain it to them before Ren did. Just in case...you know..."  
"Ren, honey, I trust you to make wise decisions and I never read anything of yours." Said my mom.  
I had started to doubt things for nothing. It had been Tawny's dad that blew my whole cover, probably the very day that she told him. It wasn't Louis. He had nothing to do with it. I looked down again, "I'm sorry."  
"For what?" My dad asked.  
"I dunno...for not telling you."  
"And?"  
"Uh...for lying."  
"Very good. Now it's our turn to explain." He laughed, almost evilly, "Louis was in on our plot the whole time..."  
I glared at him, and he backed out of sight.  
"He told us your plan for tonight, and we of course, got a confession out of Ruby, then we figured that tonight would be a good night...to...well...stop by the Dean residence, and see what was up."  
Evil family, I have. What was up with everyone testing me in some way? They came in and scared the shit out of me just to get me to tell them something they already knew. So parent-like. I couldn't help, but glare, or attempt to at least. Why'd they have to make me go through the trouble of hiding it? At least they didn't see too mad or anything.  
"Well...we'll be on our way now. Goodnight." My mom gave me a hug, and my dad followed suit. Then they both headed out.  
"Hey! Wait!" I said loudly. They turned and looked at me curiously, "That was way too easy. You're ok with all this and you're leaving me here?"  
My dad shrugged, "Yeah. I don't see why not. You're responsible enough, aren't you?"  
My mom nodded, and I blinked in confusion. They obviously trusted me a lot more than I had them. When they walked out Louis stepped in. "Hey si- I mean Ren." He glanced at Tawny and corrected his error. "That went well, huh? Now hook me up with Monique."  
I was in a state of sheer confusion, and could do nothing else but agree to it. "Uh...ok..."  
He walked out, grinning, and Tawny's dad shut the door.  
I looked at Tawny, "What the hell was that?"  
"Weird."  
"Yeah...they'll probably kill me when I get home tomorrow."  
"If that's the case, then we need to have sex."  
"Yeah-errr...no! What if someone pops back in or something?" Before she could answer, I said, "Were you in on this thing to? This was some great plan of yours to get in my pants, wasn't it?!" I pointed at her.  
"Yes, Ren." She rolled her eyes.  
"Stop rolling your eyes!"  
She crossed her arms, and rolled her eyes again.  
"Stoppit!" I reached out and grabbed her shoulders, then pulled her against me, "It's cute when you roll your eyes..."  
"Oh damn...I'll never roll my eyes again."  
"How do you write so good?"  
She laughed, "You mean well. How do I write so well."  
"Yeah. Let me use improper grammar once in a while."  
"All you need to write are supplies."  
"Like more than just a pencil and paper? Is there something special?"  
"You write good, Ren..."  
"Hmph. Yeah, essays."  
"All you need is something to write on, something to write with, and some kind of motivation."  
"What do you use for motivation?"  
She shrugged, "Recently. You."  
"Me?"  
"Yeah."  
I wrapped my arms firmly around her, and she held on tightly to me. "I'm part of your papeterie?"  
"Someone's been paying too much attention in French."  
"You can never pay too much attention to anything, and you obviously paid attention too."  
"We talk way too much sometimes."  
"I know, but it's okay."  
"Yeah..." She nuzzled my neck with her nose. "I love you."  
I squeezed her slightly tighter. "I think I love you too."  
"You think?" She laughed, "That'll be ok with me...for now...but..."  
"But what?"  
She snickered, "It hurt my feelings that you aren't sure...so..."  
"So?"  
"Well...you should make it up to me."  
"I won't have sex with you...well...not right now."  
She wiggled out of my grasp, "I was actually going to ask you to help me clean my room."  
"Liar!"  
Throwing a random pillow from her floor at me, she laughed, and said, "I'm not lying. My room's a mess. We could have sex when we're done though...you don't wanna have sex in a messy room."  
"I don't wanna have sex with you yet." I said, crossing my arms.  
"It's all that's on your mind, you're lying now."  
I picked the pillow up and threw it back at her, grinning, "Maybe..."  
She caught it before it hit her, then she held onto it, and sat on the floor, "Ren...it's not even really sex...it's like...all foreplay...if that makes you feel any better."  
"You're trying to seduce me, you whore."  
"I'm a prostitute, remember? It's my job, but you don't have to pay...because you're Ren."  
"Stop being so nice, Tawny!" I covered my eyes, and bit my tongue, trying not to laugh at her.  
"Nice? Here I was thinking I was being mean..."  
"No." I sat down next to her, "I know you're joking about everything so it's like-"  
"Reverse-reverse psychology?" She raised an eyebrow.  
"Yeah." I said, and nearly before I got the word out, I grabbed onto the collar of her shirt, and pulled her in to kiss me. She more or less fell forward onto me.  
"Love me yet?" She whispered.  
"Maybe I always have."  
  
The End 


End file.
